


Just to love you

by Bereee



Series: GMMTV_actors_fanfics [2]
Category: GMMTV, Thai Actor RPF, offgun, ทฤษฎีจีบเธอ | Theory of Love (TV) RPF, รุ่นพี่ Secret Love | Senior Secret Love (TV) RPF
Genre: Crying, Drunk Sex, Eventual Happy Ending, Friends to Lovers, Gun is not so innocent, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Off falls for Gun, Off/Tay friendship, a little bit of Arm/Toptap, a little bit of Mike/Godji, also sober sex, fear of commitment
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-10
Updated: 2020-08-13
Packaged: 2021-03-03 23:48:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 25
Words: 53,038
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24644341
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bereee/pseuds/Bereee
Summary: Off Jumpol was really happy with his life. He had a great job, very good friends and was glad he did not have any problems concerning relationship and romance at the moment. So why for God's sake did he have to fall for the most important person in his life? These feelings were destroying everything he worked so hard for and may lead to losing the person he cared about the most.or ratherHow Off catches feelings for Gun and they eventually start a sexual relationship. But will they also find love?
Relationships: Arm Weerayut Chansook/Toptap Jirakit Kuariyakul, Godji Tatchakorn Boonlapayanan/Mike Chinnarat Siriphongchawalit, Joss Way-Ar Sangngern/Tay Tawan Vihokratana, Off Jumpol Adulkittiporn/Gun Atthaphan Phunsawat
Series: GMMTV_actors_fanfics [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1783003
Comments: 193
Kudos: 320





	1. I can be right there

**Author's Note:**

> Helloooo! This story is part of my series "GMMTV_actors_fanfics". Check it out!
> 
> I am starting a longer story and I hope you will like it. With this story I wanted to step away from the typical image of this couple (Gun is secretly in love with Off etc, like in ToL) and reverse it somehow, but still stick to some "real" facts about them. This first chapter is more of an intro and covers some years. Things actually get started next chapter while filming 'Theory of Love'  
> So here we go!  
> Also please notice that English is not my first language!
> 
> Disclaimer: All characters belong to themselves and no offense is intended. The timeline might be a little mixed up, because I couldn't find all information I needed or it didn't fit the story so well.

It all started back in 2016 when he got the role of Pick. Off was freaking happy to be able to play in a series again. Although he was supposed to be in a gay couple, the producers assured him that there will be no more than maybe a little kiss. So that would be no problem to handle. Until he met his acting partner.

He knew Gun, since he was quiet known as an actor already, but had never met him personally before. To his surprise Gun was so lively all the time. He was professional when needed, but in his free time he would totally switch to his private self. Of course, they had fun together, but somehow Off felt as if he would play with a child. Additionally, Gun was touching him so much! Hugging all the time, grabbing his hand and even trying to kiss him at his neck. At that time, he tried to show Gun nicely where his boundaries were, but it was as if Off talked to a wall. Nonetheless he liked this little guy and was happy he was paired up with him.

To film Puppy Honey was a lot of fun and time passed really fast. The following year Off and Gun even got the chance to go back and play Pick and Rome once again. During this year they became more or less friends and attend many events together, since their couple was really popular. As soon as Off heard that they might kiss more intense in this season as just the little peck they did the last time, he started to panic a little bit. Of course, they did some fanservice but still he was not used to such a close relationship.

Even to his girlfriend he was not really affectionate. They did kiss of course and also other things in bed, but that was just a result of his needs. He never felt the necessity of caressing her. Did he even love her? If he was true to himself, he never had the need to touch anybody affectionally. So it simply must have been his personality. 

Things became different when his girlfriend complained about his new established status as Gun's imaginary boyfriend. She threw some not very nice words at him and they had a rather fierce argument. Normally she supported them, even said she shipped them in the series. And exactly that must have been the crucial point: she shipped them as two characters of a really sweet BL series. But now it seemed as if he and Gun were dating also in real life. Despite swearing to her, that nothing is going on, she didn’t believe him and Off decided to wipe the slate clean and broke up with her. Such behavior was impossible. He didn’t like Gun in any romantic way, he was straight as a line, so how could she even be jealous about this?

He needed to talk to somebody. Normally he would go to Tay, but he was busy that day, so after a little hesitation he called a taxi and reached Gun’s house. It was one of the first times that he and Gun talked about a personal matter and Off was again surprised how different Gun was, when he didn’t fool around. He listened to Off’s story and afterwards encouraged him with exactly the right words. Off was happy that at least somebody understood him! He and Gun were on the same boat! Playing a gay couple with all this fanservice was not easy for anybody. During this conversation Off also realized, that if it went on like this and their couple became more famous, neither of them could be openly in relationship with a person, since the fans would be disappointed. But for the moment that didn’t matter, he felt really good and as long as he didn’t fall in love with anybody, he could have a really great time at work and with Gun as a friend at his side.

So another year passed and they filmed Our Skyy, received the Line TV Award for best couple and were right now preparing for the start of shooting of Theory of Love. If somebody had asked him if he would ever be so happy to play in a series where he had to kiss a guy, he would have laughed at that person. But know he wanted nothing more than start with this show! He considered Gun as one of the most important people in his life, maybe only Tay could beat him, since they were besties since the beginning. But Gun was so special. He couldn’t even find a word to describe what they had, but it was perfect.

Off was lying in his bed and thinking about tomorrow, when the whole cast and crew would meet for the first read through of the script. What was going to happen in the story? He just knew the plot roughly and some characteristics of his role. Maybe he should have read the book before, but also this way was okay, gradually finding out more about the storyline.

And wow was this a freaking good story! So many heartbreaking scenes, he was a real asshole to be honest, but at least everybody got their happy ending. The shooting ran smoothly, and he felt so good with his acting partners and the crew. White, Earth and Mike fitted perfectly with him and Gun and so spending time with these great people was the best thing that could have happened to Off.

Right now they were shooting the scene where he and Mike were at the toilet at the bar and Gun overhearing their conversation. Off stood behind the camera as they were taking close ups of Gun, who was crying because he got hurt by Off’s character again.

“Ok, Gun go for it”, the director said and they started.

Gun needed only a few seconds and he was totally in character: he looked so hurt and his eyes were getting wet, he turn around and leaned on the wall now tears streaming down his face. Off was overwhelmed and impressed what a good actor Gun was. Although he knew his friend was acting, he hurt a little when he saw him this way. Real Gun should never have any reason to cry like this. He wanted that he was always happy and he swore to himself, he would try everything to keep it that way.

“Cut. Very good, we got everything. Short break then we go on.”

Gun let out a breath and walked over to Off. He grabbed his waits and pressed himself into the taller man. Two years ago, Off would have stayed stiffly and hoped that Gun would let go of him. But right now he wanted nothing more than hug back and inhale the sweet scent of Gun’s perfume. So he did. He caressed his back because it seemed Gun needed consolation now. Although he should give Gun strength, also Off seemed to gain some as he felt how badly he needed this hug. He had a feeling of being at home in this embrace.


	2. Someone that you have in your heart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It goes on faster than I thought! Enjoy!

A kiss scene was never an easy task. No matter if the partner was a boy or a girl. And not enough, Off’s first kiss with Gun in their new series was going to be a forced kiss. Of course, he had kissed Gun already in Puppy Honey, but that was a kindergarten kiss compared to what they will do this time. If he was not mistaken, they were going to kiss properly three times and maybe some pecks in between. They got a very good introduction to this topic, how kiss, such that it seemed realistic, but one didn’t need to kiss to deep. Especially for today’s kiss scene, Off needed to train a lot. He needed to be drunk and confuse Gun with his girlfriend. On the other hand, Off knew that it was Khai’s plan and in reality he was fully aware of what he was doing. Gun’s task was also not that easy, since he needed to act as if he was happy that his crushed kissed him, but also portray this overall confusion and eventually total disappointment when he hears the wrong name. 

He and Gun had a talk beforehand. Gun was the one wanting it and Off was so glad because he was a little afraid to initiate a talk about such a topic.

“I just want to say, please don’t think too much Papii. I know that you feel unease about kissing me or let’s rather say about kissing a boy.”

“No! I mean I don’t bother soooo much.” Off felt his cheeks getting hot. The fact, that Gun was looking so sweetly up to him didn’t help to stay calm. “I would bother more if it was somebody else, but with you it’s fine. I know you and…and trust you.” 

Gun smiled now and Off couldn’t help doing the same.

“I’m glad to hear that. Also please don’t hesitate to kiss forcefully, the scene demands intensity. I don’t mind and please don’t feel bad again for me. It’s my character who doesn’t return the kiss and is hurt, not me.”   
Off nodded and suddenly he got called by the makeup artist, so that he didn’t hear the last part Gun added. 

(“If it was me, I would always return the kiss.” Gun knew Off didn’t hear it. He was glad he didn’t, because Off shouldn’t know that he was hot as fuck for him.)

Off in the meantime reached the makeup section and got styled again. He thought about Gun’s words and wondered how the little one again knew exactly what was on his mind. Was he so transparent? No, other people could never read him. Only Tay was an exception, he knew when something was not right with him. Still Off was happy that Gun became so close to him and wouldn’t want to change that. He grew really fond of Gun after these years.   
The moment his lips were treated with a slightly colored lip balm, he remembered what was going to happen soon. Shit. Just thinking about the kiss made his heart race. The strange thing was, that it was no feeling of agitation, which he normally had before big projects or appearances. This time he felt a certain happiness coming along. Shit, shit. He needed to calm down.

As soon as they were ready, they started and Gun leaned at the wall. Since they already shot the first part of this scene they would start right away with the kiss.  
Off took a deep breath and licked his lips. When he heard the director signaling them to start, he started with the fall where Gun catches him. He leaned close to Guns shoulder and inhaled the nice smell. He was ready to go on, but he saw Gun smiling. 

“You breath at my neck. It tickles!” He said laughing.   
Off joined, an they tried again. Still they began smirking. But then they got it and went on.

Suddenly the moment came. Off leaned in very fast, grabbed Gun’s wrists, pushed them at the wall and pressed his lips on Gun’s. He thought better doing it quickly otherwise his thought might freak out again. He kissed Gun, long and intense. The smaller one of course didn’t reciprocate his kiss. Off grabbed his wrists quite hard and hoped he did not hurt Gun.   
Off felt weird. Not the fact that he was kissing Gun made him feel bad, but the fact that he didn’t get anything back. He somehow craved for more, but on the other hand he knew what his actions were doing with Third and he thought Khai must feel at least a little bit bad for what he is doing to him. He chased away his thoughts, because he needed to go on in the scene, so he stopped and said the girl’s name and saw how Third’s expression changed to nearly horrow. He changed to kiss Gun’s neck and cheek and also this time Gun couldn’t stop himself from giggling. Off too was feeling so euphoric after this kiss that he joined again, but also felt how hot his cheeks were. 

They needed to do it again. Fuck. Off felt ambivalent. He wanted to kiss Gun again and also didn’t. 

“Ok Off, please catch Guns lips a little more with yours, don’t only press but nibble at them.” Off nodded. “And Gun please a little more astonishment and then when Khai calls Praew’s name please start crying. We go again.” 

This time they didn’t laugh so much. The seriousness also caused Off to feel the kiss more intensely. He loved how Gun’s lips felt on his. If only Gun would reciprocate the kiss! Ok. Concentration on the scene! They were still filming, Off couldn’t afford thinking this things now.

After saying Praew’s name, he kissed Gun’s cheeks as previously but this time they stayed professional. Off caressed him with kisses but knew that Gun was crying. Third got hurt by Khai in an incredibly painful way. What an asshole! He grabbed Gun’s shoulders and withdrew only to look at his small friend, whose cheeks were wet, and say that he loves this girl. Although his heart nearly refused him, he needed to kiss him again. He tried to convey in the little kisses some consolation for Gun. Finally, he only needed lean at Gun and fall asleep at his shoulder. 

“Cut.”

Off’s barely heard the director, because he felt a little dizzy and the world around seemed dimmed. His thoughts were racing. He looked at Gun and it seemed to him as if he had never seen this guy. He knew him, but in this moment he saw Gun in a different light. While Gun received a handkerchief, and started wiping his face, Off felt his heart beating crazy and he touched his lips with his fingers. He was totally confused. What happed these last seconds of shooting the kiss? He only remembered wanting to consulate Gun, by trying to convey some consolation in the last kisses and then experiencing this feeling in his chest. 

“…pii, Papii!” Gun was calling him and grabbed his arm to wake him from his thoughts. 

“Yes?” Off’s voice sounded weak.

“We can leave for now. They need to check if they have the right angles and then we might redo some parts. Come, I need some food in the meantime.” 

With this Gun grabbed his hand and dragged him towards the tables. Off felt a tingle at the inside of his hands. Yes, his hands have always been sensitive, that’s also the reason why he avoided holding people’s hands, especially Guns’s at the beginning of their work. But what he felt now was even more intense. It felt like his body was aching for this touch and he closed their hands stronger. Gun noticed that and turned around, only to look at Off with a questioning face. Off looked back and waved him of with a little smile. They reached their bags and sat down on the floor opposite to one another. Off still not knowing what to do, only stared at his friend, while Gun opened his lunch box and started shoveling the food inside his small body. Off couldn’t stop himself from smiling as soon as his thoughts calmed down a little bit. Gun was so cute.

“Are you laughing at me?” Gun asked smiling with a full mouth.

“No just thinking about how cute you are.” The moment Off said these words out loud he regretted them immediately. 

“Papii you make me shy.” And Gun hit him softly on the leg. “Are you okay? I mean the kiss. It must have been very hard for you.”

“For me? You were the one who got forced.”

“No Papii, not me, but Third. He is for sure not feeling well, to the contrary he must feel destroyed right now. But me, I’m fine, I’m used to it. But you are not, so please tell me you are fine and this will not cause something strange in between us?”

“No! No, I am also fine.” Off said, not really convincing. He was fine, but somehow he realized the kiss set off some kind of feeling and he was hoping it was not, what he suspected it to be.

“Okay, for the moment I believe you, but please always talk to me, when you are not feeling well with something.” He grabbed Off’s hands and pressed them reassuringly, then he leaned over and hugged Off. He put his face into Off’s neck as usual and Off knew now that he was fucked.


	3. When everything is falling apart

They didn’t have to redo the scene. Fortunately, because Off had a total mess in his mind. Also the director seemed to have noticed Off’s mental state and called it a day, since they achieved most of their daily aim. Off just packed his things and waved goodbye to the crew. He needed to leave as soon as possible, because as he knew Gun, he would not just let him go so easily. As expected the little on ran after him and grabbed his hand.

“Papii why are you leaving so fast?”

Off didn’t know what to say. He felt the need to run away but simultaneously he wanted to stay with Gun and hug him and… No he stopped his train of thoughts, he needed to leave now!

“Sorry I forgot I have something to do. I’ll call you.” And he smiled one of his Off typical smiles. Gun seemed to believe him, stepped closer and pressed a little kiss on Off’s cheek. Off opened his eyes in shock, just swallowed and turned around. His heart was beating so hard again. His feet led him to the nearest taxi and he told the driver the address of the only person he could talk to right now.

Tay was surprised when suddenly a very confused Off Jumpol was standing in front of his door. He was happy for the visit, but he knew that something must have been wrong, since his friend visited without informing him beforehand. 

“Hey what is going on?”

“Can I come in?”

Tay was so startled by Off’s voice full of despair that he nearly didn’t move out of the way. When they finally moved inside and headed to the living room, Off just let himself fall on the sofa and lay there with agony. Tay just stood in front of him and didn’t know whether to laugh or have sympathy. Something really bad must have happened if his friend acted this way.

“Man, what happened?” Tay sat beside him. “You want something to drink first?”

“Yes, do you have some juice? I want something sweet.”

Tay laughed. “I rather thought about alcohol, but of course you would prefer juice.” 

“You know I hardly never drink.” 

Tay rose and went to the kitchen, while Off turned on the sofa and was facing the back part. All the time Gun came to his mind. All he saw was this little guy with this perfect lips and deep eyes. He couldn’t believe that this was happening right know, he even was going to tell Tay. How should he even begin? Off let out a little scream of desperation.   
When Tay returned, he was sure that something was really wrong with his friend. He lay there rolled together, facing the sofa and exhaling deeply, another sign of despair.

“Off please sit up, drink and then tell me what happened.”   
He touched his back and caressed his friend a little bit. Although Off didn’t like skinship so much, Tay knew in such moments also this grumpy man needed some comfort. The thing that then even surprised Tay, was, that Off rose and fell into his arms. He put his head into Tay’s chest and circled his arms around him. After a short surprise, Tay reciprocated the hug. He would never hesitate, because he loved hugs and touching, and was happy that this guy finally also let him touch. Tay was wondering if Off was crying, but it didn’t seem so, he only rested there.   
After a few moments Off rose and sat normally on the sofa next to Tay. There was silence, so Tay reached for the juice and handed it to Off, who took it and drank a sip. Silence.

“I don’t want to hurry you, take your time and then please tell me what happened. I am a little worried.”

“It’s nothing important, I just didn’t know where to put my thoughts.”

“I am really sure that it IS something important, otherwise you wouldn’t act so out of character. Man, you just hugged me! I am not complaining, on the contrary I enjoyed it, but it’s still weird.”

Off closed his eyes and of course saw Gun again. He needed to talk to Tay, his friend could surely help him. “Ok I’ll tell you, please don’t freak out.”

“Waaaait has is something to do with me?”

“Nooo no! You did nothing wrong. Sorry for the wrong formulation. I just don’t know how you will react to this.” Off started to become a little nervous and rubbed his hands.

“Ok now I’m interested. But be assured there is next to nothing that I won’t support you in. As long as you didn’t murder anybody.” They both laughed a little bit. Off was happy to have such a good friend and decided to go straight for it. 

“It is so strange, but it seems I like Gun.”

Silence.

“Wait what do you mean by ‘like’? Of course you like him, he’s your friend and you are really close.”

“No, I like him in another way, you know, the romantic way.”

Tay didn’t know what to reply. Did he hear right? His best friend, straight as a line, said he liked a guy? And even more his on screen partner for over 3 years?

“Are you joking?” Tay smiled a little bit. But Off’s face closed and he suddenly felt really hurt. He expected Tay to laugh at him, but at least he hoped for a little bit of sympathy.

“Man, are you serious? I’m sorry, please don’t be sad. I just couldn’t believe it at first.”

“It’s okay, I nearly didn’t believe myself too. But it somehow happened and today we filmed this kiss scene and everything came up all of a sudden, I’m sure I liked him already before, but I didn’t have any physical attraction. Just loved him as a person and thought it were friend feelings. But today, that kiss felt so good, I didn’t want to stop and afterwards as he hugged me as usual I felt all tingly and my heart was beating fast. So I eventually panicked and came here as fast as I could.”

Tay nodded and reached for Off’s shoulder to show some support.

“Ok, your situation is bad. You know what you two do for work and I don’t know if an actual relationship would be tolerated in the company.”

“Oh my god, please don’t talk about relationship already, I still need to get the fact that I like a boy. Are you not shocked or grossed out?”

“No why should I? We are fucking BL actors, how could somebody of us be homophobic or against it?”

“I didn’t mean it that way. Of course we support it and have no problem with people being gay, but really experiencing it now is different.”

“Okay I get that you are a little shaken, since you always believed to only like girls. For me it wouldn’t be so shocking, because I always say: I take it as it comes.”   
“…take it as it comes.” Off talked along the last part, since he heard it already often from Tay. He smirked a little. 

“Okay so I should accept it. Fine. But what now? I acted so weird around Gun after my realization, how should I go on?”

Tay couldn’t help but be the one to smile now. It was inappropriate, but he thought back at all his imagined scenarios of them becoming more, where it was always Gun who falls in love with Off first. “Maybe he’s also in love with you. He sometimes acts that way, all that kissing and touching.”

“I don’t know.”

“And in general, he is likely to be gay. I mean look at him. We all do makeup, but he is a beauty queen. Also his roles in gay movies at a rather young age, lead to the thought that he might actually like guys.”

“Even if it is that way, why should he like me? I am not good looking or especially nice. He could have really hot guys, with muscles, who are sure about their sexuality and experienced in doing…things with guys. I stand no chance there.” Fuck. Off just realized how painful that thought was. Somebody else at Gun’s side seemed so wrong. His little guy deserved all happiness and other guys touching his delicate body and maybe hurting him was unbearable.

“Hey, what are you talking, stop it! Shiiiit it makes you even cry.”

Only now Off noticed that a single tear ran down his face. Tay was a little overwhelmed and helpless. He decided to forget about his restrains about not touching Off too much and pulled him in a tight hug. Now Off was crying a little more, but still in silence since he was visibly ashamed. 

“You don’t need to hold yourself back. Cry if you need to, I am your friend and will always be. No matter who you love.”


	4. A friend who cares from afar

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really felt the need to write more about Off/Tay friendship and in generell I figured Tay will play a bigger role in this story, because I just love him so much!  
> Also please leave a comment if you (dis)liked the story so far, so I know how you feel about it. <3

Tay didn’t want to let his friend go home in this state and so Off slept at Tay’s, who even offered Off the bed, but he declined and took the couch. In the morning Tay came in the living room just to find Off already awake. But he was sitting totally still and only staring into the nowhere.

“How are you feeling today?” Tay sat next to Off and gently touched his back.

“I am better, thanks. I think I overreacted a little bit yesterday. I mean, maybe it was just a misconception, after kissing Gun so much. Who knows, maybe I would think to be in love with you when we would snog around.” Off said with a laugh. 

Tay was a little shocked about Off’s words, which made him swallow down an inappropriate reply (“Maybe we should try?”) and just joined Off laughing. He eventually said: “I don’t know either. The best is you go on as normal and observe your feelings. I am going to make some breakfast.” So he rose and clapped Off’s shoulder.

Off in the meantime went in the bathroom and took a shower. When he was standing in front of the mirror, he looked at himself and couldn’t stop himself from sighing. Ok, he didn’t look so bad, he knew he was quite handsome. His fans and also some friends made that clear to him already a few times. But still he felt not as if he was worthy to be the guy Gun would deserve. 

“Shit.” Off said to himself and stroked his hair back. They would have shooting in the evening, so he only had some hours left to prepare himself.

“Off.” Tay knocked at the door. “I made some scrambled eggs, do you want something else? I would need to order it then.” Off opened the door and informed Tay that he was fine with the eggs.

They ate in silence, until Off broke it with a question that made Tay choke.

“Why didn’t you fall in love with New? I mean, you two had had also some really intense kissing scenes and since you are open to be with a guy…”

After thinking for a moment, Tay replied calmly. “What you are saying makes no sense. Just because I like also guys it doesn’t mean I fall for everyone I kiss. It’s the same as it is with straight people, not all actors kissing in movies or series fall in love. Off we are actors, it’s our job to pretend. It’s the same with this bad stereotype that a gay guy wants to fuck with all guys he meets. Bullshit. They fall in love as anybody.” Tay really talked himself into rage.

“Okaaaay, sorry, I didn’t mean it that way.”

Tay realized how load he became. “I’m sorry, I don’t know why I reacted so deep right now. And to answer your question: I don’t know why I didn’t fall for New, but I didn’t and probably won’t in the future. He is really good looking, but I only see a good friend in him. Fortunately I didn’t, because he is straight.”

Off nodded and exhaled again. “Well you never know. Look at me.” They laughed again about the irony of the situation.

After doing the dishes, Off prepared himself for leaving, when Tay euphorically said: “You know what, since I have a free day today I will accompany you to the set!”

Off was not sure if this was good but he somehow liked the idea that his friend will be with him when he faced Gun after yesterday’s revelation.

So after passing by a sushi palace they headed to the set around 3 pm. On today’s schedule were some scenes in university together with Mark and White, which were already there as soon as Off and Tay arrived.

“Tay Tawaaaan, what an honor. What brings you here?” They asked their friend. While Tay invented some reason (something about running into Off at the street and being bored), Off stood there and only hoped Gun would come a little late. But of course it wasn’t the cause, because he heard a loud “Papiii” behind him. He turned around and was captured in a tight hug. He decided to enjoy the good feeling he immediately felt as soon as he had the smaller guy in his arms and his perfume in his nose. 

“Hey Gun.”

“Are you feeling better? Yesterday after finishing our scene you disappeared so fast.” Now Gun was looking sad again. So Off put his hands on Gun’s upper arms to comfort him a little bit. Off had to admit, he would have loved to take Gun’s hands instead, but that might seem too much.

“No I was just busy, I told you.” Gun nodded and smiled. Then he saw Tay.

“Taaaaay, my favourite pet.” He left Off only to jump into Tay’s arms. The older one grabbed him instinctively and so he suddenly had him on his arms. They laughed, but Tay whispered, so that only Gun could hear it: “You should go down otherwise Off will get jealous.” And so Gun did, while Tay glanced at Off who watched them intensely.

“Why are you here?” And again Tay told his story. Off and Gun got called into make up and Tay took a seat at the table. He was rather far away but could still see his two friends. He really wanted to find out if these two could have a chance to be together: he needed to find out whether Off’s feelings were real, whether Gun liked guys and of course most importantly whether Gun liked Off back. So now it was time for observing and analyzing their behavior.

“Since when did I became one of those fangirls who look for these little details and make up their theories?” Tay said to himself half-loudly. He was somehow grossed out by himself, but also really excited and smiling a little crazy. 

Filming went smoothly. Off was glad that at this point of the story Khai already started liking Third and so his character was a little calmer and he was allowed to look at Gun a lot. The thing that Off realized was, that he really had it hard on Gun. The way he ate those seaweed made Off crazy and he admired Gun’s beauty the whole shoot long. Later in the auditorium, sitting next to him felt so intimate and he could easily imagine them going on a movie date together. 

Sadly, he didn’t feel happy the whole time. In between takes, Gun would go to other people and lively chat and laugh with them. That was totally normal, but only now Off felt a certain unease when he saw these scenes. Additionally, there was also his jealousy in the series, because it seemed that Aun was interested in Third. But this feeling didn’t end after the scene was over. Earth and Gun got along really well and every time Off saw his small friend near to this giant muscled guy he felt a pressure in his guts. 

“Hey man.” Tay drew Off’s attention to him and so he was forced to look away from Gun who was sitting on Earth’s fucking lap! Alarm bells were ringing in Off’s head, so Tay needed another attempt to get off’s attention.

“Okay, it seems you really like him, since I can smell the stink of your jealousy until here.”

“Yes, I also figured that today. I feel so good being with him and at the same time it makes me unbelievably sad.” Off rubbed over his face and exhaled.

“I know it hurts seeing him like this right now. We need to do something about this situation, but I still don’t know how you should approach it. Don’t bother yourself too much, I will think of something.” He smiled and wanted to hug Off when suddenly Gun ran to them, only to hug Off from behind. He stood on his tiptoes and tried to kiss Off’s neck, but Off turned around abruptly and so the kiss landed on Off’s Adam’s apple. 

Gun laughed at first but seeing Off’s shocked face he said: “Papii, sorry I didn’t mean…”

Off was again unable to say anything. He wanted to make it clear to Gun, that he wasn’t mad, not as he in the past would have been, but he also couldn’t trust his own voice, since he still felt it tingling where Gun’s lips touched. Tay noticed what happened and tried to safe the situation with a joke (which was actually the truth).

“Wow Gun, your kisses must be so good, since you made Off speechless.”

Off collected himself again and decided to take a little risk and said smilingly: “True, Gun’s kisses are really good.”

Gun looked down and a light shade of red creeped at his cheeks. One moment later the director called it a day and wished everybody a nice weekend. “Finally some days off.” White said and left with Mark and Earth.

Off and Gun were still standing at the same stop, smiling sheepishly. Tay looked at them and couldn’t believe he needed to save the situation again. “We should go and grab something to eat together!!”

So they did and had a lot of fun. Actually everything was as usual, except the way Off felt when he took the place next to Gun at the restaurant and was sitting so close that he felt the other’s warmth. Or the way he felt when he reached for the pot, accidently collided with Gun’s chopsticks and the younger one excused himself because he was too polite. Or the ways he felt when the small guy looking at him every time Off made a good joke and gave him the most beautiful smile.

Tay was sitting opposite to them and couldn’t help but be really happy about what he saw.


	5. You couldn't see

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Instead of studying for exams I can't stop myself from writing. *desperate laughing*

“Tay you need to help me, for real I don’t know how to manage tomorrow’s shooting.”

Tay only entered Off’s apartment and was already attacked by Off’s fast talking.

“Calm down, we can talk but first let’s sit down and eat.” He pointed at the bags in his hands containing their dinner. Off called earlier and after some discussion they agreed to eat at Off’s apartment to talk again about the situation.

Tay was filming the food to make an IG story, but Off was concerned. “You can’t post it, what if Gun sees it and is sad that he is not invited. He asked me for a long time to spend some free time with him and I tried to find excuses.”

“You idiot, you should not try to avoid Gun, that’s contra productive in two ways. First it will not help you make Gun fall for you and second it will not help you getting used to your feeling and still be able to work normally with him in case you two won’t become more.”

Off knew Tay was right, but he just was not able to be totally normal around Gun. “Can we now please talk about the big problem? I have to kiss Gun tomorrow! In two different scenes! They thought it would be easier for us to shoot both kiss scenes the same day although they are at two different points in the story. Craaaazy! That means there will in total around 6 kisses if we need many takes!” Off sighed and let himself sink deeper into the couch.

“Why don’t you just enjoy it. At least your character is also in love with the little one, so you don’t need to hide anything. The only thing you need to take care of, is not to kiss to deep and most importantly stop when you hear the cut.” Tay smirked but Off didn’t feel like laughing at all.

The next day came faster than expected and suddenly he found himself at the set standing opposite to Gun. The scene started and they said their lines. Off was nervous as fuck but it fitted his role, so he didn’t mind his acting. Suddenly Gun giggled, so they started again. And another time. Then at least they made it to the kiss, but Off stopped some inches before Gun.

“Papii we have to do it together. I can’t do it by myself.” That made Off laugh, rather in despair that in fun. “I can’t start it. My role doesn’t allow it.” Gun added as he sensed how nervous Off was, since he touched his ears all the time.

Off remembered Tay’s words and just went for it because in reality he really wanted to kiss Gun. He needed to bend down quite a lot to reach Gun’s mouth. He just touched Gun’s lips with his own and started to kiss softly, immediately Gun reciprocated the kiss just as shy. Fuck this was new. The last time they kissed Off got nothing back from Gun, but now! He felt a tickle on his lips and his heart started racing even faster than it already did. They soon intensified the kiss and Off was turning his head to find a better angle. He captured Gun’s upper lip and grabbed his waist to pull his closer. Off needed all his self-control not to use his tongue since he wanted nothing more than taste Gun properly. As fast as it started it was over already because Gun pulled away. He needed to, since it was written in the script. Off was totally overwhelmed but gladly he didn’t forget his lines and they managed to film their little conversation after that in one go.

“Very good guys, but we will do it another time. Just in case.”

Off exhaled and it seemed he didn’t want to, but inside Off was glad he could feel Gun again. The little guy came to him and hugged him while the others got ready again. He whispered: “Thank you Papii for trying your best, although it’s hard for you.”

Off wanted to reply that it was not hard for him, well at least not the way Gun thought it was. But he couldn’t find fitting words, without revealing anything. Why didn’t Gun know what he meant to him? So he just lowered himself a little bit, so they were at the same height and hugged Gun really intensely. Off didn’t care of anyone saw it, but he felt the urge to hold his little friend right now. He inhaled Gun’s smell and smiled. Gun placed little kisses on his neck as usual, but Off couldn’t help but feel a little excited by it. So he released Gun quickly and stepped away. Gun looked a little disappointed but soon returned to his normal self and smiled. 

So they did the scene again and it run smoothly as before. Off was a little more certain about what he had to do and so he could enjoy the kiss more instead of thinking about self-control all the time.

During their break, while being styled in a different way (because of the time difference in the series), Off was dwelling in his thoughts. He liked Gun so much. He wanted to be with him all the time. Gun was his best friend and they hardly ever fought. He was such a cute and funny person and also so earnest and adult when he needed to be. And he kissed so good! Off could imagine Gun being also good in bed. Shiiiit he shouldn’t think about such things here in public, in general he shouldn’t think about that, because neither he nor Tay made any progress in knowing if he even had a chance. And most importantly he had no idea how this should work at all, because although he liked Gun, the thought of having sex with a guy still freaked him out...

When he finished, he found Gun on the cozy chair next to the makeup section. He was half lying there, since the chair was quite big and Gun so small. He looked at his phone and seemed bored. 

“Hey, I finished.” Off said but Gun was still looking in his phone. This hurt Off, but he knew that he could not expect Gun to give him his whole attention. It was only him who searched for the smaller one on every occasion, to see what he did. Off left to the next room where the crew in the meantime changed interior and lightning. They were shooting some BTS material today and so he talked some words into the camera. Afterwards he made himself comfortable in front of the sofa where there were supposed to sit. 

Shortly after that, Gun came and they got informed briefly what they should do. To Off’s astonish Gun was asking how they should kiss and sounded a little worried. Or was he excited for it and it sounded strange because of that? Off just listened, since in his head the kiss was going to be intense, maybe even a little more than before, since Khai and Third were a couple now for some time. Then Gun said something that made Off look up. “Come on, I want to kiss so badly.” Meaning the guy doing his hair, should hurry up. So they got ready and Off felt ready! He didn’t feel so ready before but right now he felt some determination to slay that. Maybe he felt this way because Gun seemed so shy? Off looked at Gun’s lips and couldn’t stop admiring them. “Don’t look at my mouth, I want to laugh.” Gun said. That was so typical of him. Without further ado, Off leaned forward and…  
…and Gun smiled again. Off was a little surprised now about Gun’s problems this time. He suggested to approach Off instead, but Off was ready to go for it and also it wouldn’t fit their roles, so he declined Gun’s suggestion.

Again he leaned forward and finally their lips touched. They kissed for some seconds, only for Gun to start laughing again. What the hell?! Off felt a little angry, not only for the shoot but also for himself. Gun could not be earnest about them kissing and it hurt Off. Of course he couldn’t blame Gun since he had no idea how Off felt all the time. His behavior made Off aware that obviously Gun didn’t enjoy the kiss the same way as he did and so Gun probably had no feelings for him. 

Pushing away his thoughts, they started again and kissed properly. Gun even opened his mouth a little bit. Off could capture Gun’s lower lip this time, since they were at the same height. He liked this kiss a lot. It was different from the last one but their characters where in a different stage of their relationship now, so it fitted.

“I can’t.” Gun said still half-laughing. “What can’t you?” Off asked seriously, went on and tried to push Gun on the floor beneath him, as he should do. And it didn’t work properly. And again. Pushing someone down was harder than expected, especially when they were laughing all the time. Finally they made it and Off lay there above Gun, who was looking him in the eyes with such an affection. When Gun pursed his lips as a joke he couldn’t stop himself and place little butterfly kisses on his lips. This was not in the script, but the moment was perfect for it. 

As they heard the cut, they both jumped up and screamed, the whole crew was cheering. They finally finished the series! Off was genuinely happy and for a single moment he wasn’t worried about his feelings for Gun, because this relief was overwhelming. The two packed their things and as soon as they left the building with some crew members, they saw some familiar faces waiting for them. 

“Woooohooo!” The group consisting of Tay, New, Earth, Mike, White and Toptap screamed.

“What are they doing here?” Gun asked Off shyly and hid half behind Off’s back. “Don’t know.”

After some hugs, Off asked about the reason all of them being here.

“We need to celebrate the end of filming of course. We booked a table in our favorite club.” 

Gun looked happy, but as they saw Off being about to decline, Tay added: “No no my friend, today you have no excuse! I guarantee you will have fun!” He winked and Off knew his best friend had something on his mind.


	6. I could never even compare

The music was way too loud for Off’s taste. At least he and his friends had a little booth on the upper floor of the club, so the boxes were at least not directly next to them. Additionall, Off was not feeling so comfortable with the fact that Gun was not sitting next to him. As they arrived in the club, he tried to stick to the smaller one but when he sat down at the bench next to New and Tay and expected Gun to follow and sit next to him, Gun directly went for the chair next to Toptap. This way Off and Gun were facing each other, but Off would have preferred to feel Gun’s body close and enjoy Gun’s clinginess. Eventually Earth took the place to his right and White and Mike sat to Toptap’s left.

At first they ordered some food, since the club was serving little appetizers. While waiting, the group started chatting and Off was looking suspiciously at Gun and Toptap, who were splendidly talking and laughing together. Also Tay and New next to him where having fun, bickering again about something. He didn’t even need to look at White and Mike, because these two got along really well anyways.

“Hey man.” Earth addressed to Off. “What is that face?”

Off didn’t know what to say, so he only shrugged. As soon as the food arrived it became a little more silent in the round since everybody’s moths were full. At some point Earth changed place, as he wanted to talk to White and so the people on the bench moved one place over. At least now Off was not feeling bad anymore for not talking at all and leaving Earth on his own. 

When the plates got taken away, Tay rose and went to the bar to order something. So New took the chance and came closer to Off. “So how are you doing? I see you didn’t talk a lot today, not even with Gun or Tay.”

“I am fine, maybe only a little tired. The music is very load too.”

“Yeah but for me it seems you have something on your mind. Plus I know Tay very well and he seemed also concerned for you, so I suspect that he knows the reason for your mood.” Off’s face was getting a little hot now. Why did he have such good friends who could read each other’s mind? He trusted New and so he took him by his arm and pulled him to the toilets.

“Wow are you really telling me now what’s on your mind. I can’t believe it…”

“I am only telling you because I could need another point of view. Tay cannot help me fully since he wouldn’t bother.”

“What do you mean he wouldn’t bother?” Now New was confused and Off just went on without thinking since his thoughts were again filled with Gun.

“He wouldn’t bother to fall in love with a boy.”

“…” New was silent at first and put on a thinking face. “Okay…I didn’t know that. But fine, so if I assume right, then you fell in love with a guy and Tay cannot understand your emotions 100 percent.” 

“Yes.” Off furrowed his brows. “Waaaait come again? You didn’t know Tay was bi?”

New shook his head. Off was deeply confused now. His best friend nearly screamed in everyone’s face that he is open for everything and New never got a clue? Well he could think about that later. New didn’t really react to his confession yet, so Off just blurted out: “So what do you say? That I fell in love with Gun, I don’t know how to act and now he is there chatting with Toptap and totally ignoring me.”

New just blinked a few times and laughed in disbelief. “Did I end up in a show? Is this all a joke? Tay being bi and you suddenly gay and in love with Gun.”

“I am not gay. Just in love with him, I could never imagine being with another guy, just him. And I am serious.”

“Fine sorry, it was just a little surprising. I think…” Suddenly they got interrupted by Tay who stormed into the bathroom.

“Guuuuuys what are you doing, I came with the drinks and saw that my two favorite boys were missing. Come and let’s get drunk.” He grabbed them both by the wrist but Off pulled away and said: “I was talking to New about Gun.”

Tay turned around and smiled. “Great! Then I have someone who can help me with my plan. Off I need to talk to New, go back first please.”

“Plan? What plan?” But Off was pushed out of the room and New could do nothing but watch.

Off reached the table again, only to see Gun sitting alone. Where did the others go? It didn’t matter, he smiled shortly and made his way to Toptap’s chair which he claimed his own now. 

“Hey Gun, are you having fun?” Gun looked up from his phone and smiled.

“Yes a lot, you too? I am sorry for neglecting you, but I loved to talk to Toptap.” Off felt a little sting in his guts but Gun had all the right to talk to whomever he wanted to.

“Yes I am okay, it’s only not my type of place here. I am happy to talk to you now.” Gun smiled and leaned in his direction to press a little kiss on his neck.

“Thanks for coming at all.”

Off wanted to enjoy the moment a little longer, but Earth, Mike and White returned and placed another round of beer on the table.  
Already a little drunk, White said: “Off you are back, we all missed you and New. I hope you didn’t do anything naughty on the toilet.” Everybody laughed.  
“Guys take a beer and let us toast the end of the series.” Earth finally said. At first Off hesitated. He hardly ever drank but as he saw Gun taking on of the glasses he did the same.

“Cheeeeeers!!” Glasses clinked and Off saw that the group drank the whole glass in one go. He just took one gulp. But as he turned to Gun, he saw that the little one nearly had finished his glass too. What the fuck? He was a little worried but didn’t want to chaperone Gun.

“Ooooff drink the whole glass, even Gun can do it.” 

“Drink it! Drink it! Drink it!” The guys cheered and Off did. Baaah he didn’t like it at all, but he managed without showing his disgust too much. 

Right after, Tay and New returned and White asked again jokingly if the two did some naughty things in there.

“That is our little secret, right New?” But New only nodded and didn’t laugh at all.

Finally, also Toptap returned to the table, Off was actually wondering where he was all the time, but he didn’t want to ask, since they weren’t that close.

Tay spoke again: “So let’s toast again. First of all a cheers to the series and then of course to us, our friendship and to future projects!” They made Off drink again and he followed. At least he had Gun next to him now, but he saw that Gun looked a lot to the right corner of the table. Exactly where Toptap was sitting right now. Off observed the situation critically. He then looked at Tay and New who were a little more silent then before, but they saw what Off was seeing and gave him an understanding look. 

Off felt some kind of determination inside and so he decided to be brave: “So you loved to talk to Toptap, you know him well?” Off tried to sound as nonchalant as possible and Gun answered enthusiastically: “Yes more or less, we got a little closer at the Schoolympics last year, since we were on the same team. He is such a great person, we are both really funny people. Also he is so kind to me all the time.”

“Ah I see” Off only stated. 

“You don’t like him? Or why this reply?” Gun reached for his drink. 

(He ordered a Pink Margherita not so long ago and Tay couldn’t stop himself from laughing for 5 minutes straight.)

“No, I like him too, he is a really nice guy, I could not complain. I just didn’t know you were so close.”

“He is like me.” Gun said mysteriously with a little smile and Off looked at him wondering what he meant. 

Off felt it hurting inside. Gun felt connected to Toptap in some way? But also he and Gun shared so many interests. Did Gun also say such nice things about him when talking to others? Shit he felt miserable now. Comparing himself to somebody like Toptap. It was clear to Off that he didn’t stand a chance. The younger one had a really good body and was a lot nicer. Gun himself said, that he liked Toptap kindness. So Off grabbed his third beer and took three big sips.

“Ohooo Papii, what are you doing? Want to get drunk today?” Gun had finished his drink too in the meantime and Off sensed, that the smaller one was already feeling the effects. Maybe a little less than Off himself because suddenly he asked: “Gun would you like to go to the dance floor? You like clubbing a lot, so I could learn from you what good there is about it.” 

Gun gave him an unbelieving look and laughed then. “Papii you must be joking, you and partying? No way.”

“I mean it. I want to know why you love it and understand that part of you more.” Off was shocked about himself saying such words, although they were true, they were cheesy as fuck. The beers must be talking for him. 

Gun again looked confused. But then he replied: “Okay yeah, I can show you.” And Off felt really happy for a moment, until Gun asked: “Guys who of you wants to go dancing with us?”

“Us? Does that mean Off will dance? Oh my what did you do to convince him!” White said laughing hard. "This is even more unrealistic than what Mike was telling me now. You would never belie..." Mike jumped up and covered White's mouth with his hand.

“I would join.” Toptap suddenly said friendly. Maybe he wanted to save his friend from the strange situation.

Tay and New exchanged a look. “Guys, come back soon, I have prepared a game for us.” And with this Tay winked at Off. Off put an asking face on but Gun took his hand and pulled him to the stairs, Toptap right behind. 

Then they were standing on the dancefloor, a lot of people around them, but it was not too full. Toptap immediately started moving and it looked so natural. Off was really admiring him, he saw some videos of the younger one and was impressed by his dancing skills. He turned to Gun who also moved, a little less professional than Toptap but still it was nice. Off only started swaying. He was not shy, not at all, how could he considering his job? He thought about how silly his dance moves must be and so he stopped again.

Gun came closer. “Papii don’t force yourself, if it isn’t your thing.” 

Off swallowed and turned again to Toptap who was just smiling and enjoying himself.

“Okay I leave again, sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry. Okay, I will stay for a little longer.” Gun caressed Off’s arm and went over to Toptap. 

Off went back, feeling he lost a chance. Shit, he made himself a fool. And now Gun was dancing with Toptap! And the worst thing is, that Off had to admit they looked cute together. They smiled at each other will dancing to the song. He could slap his face on the table.

“Man, why did you leave Gun with his super sweet guy down there?” Tay asked and Off felt even worse. “Come drink some more.” And Tay gave him a shot glass and filled some vodka in it. He did the same for him and New.  
Off just swallowed it quickly and turned around again so that his gaze could find Gun and Toptap again. The music changed and suddenly a really dirty song was on. One could see the change in the crowd: the couples got closer together and the moves began to get sexier. As Off looked to Gun again he had to find out that also Gun started dancing in a X-rated way getting really close to Toptap. The latter guy just followed, also coming closer to Gun and smiling sweetly, whereas Gun had a hungry look in his eyes.

What was happening there? Off felt like a hand was crushing his heart and his breath stopped. What was Gun doing? He shouldn’t act like this, not with anybody else anyway. Off wanted that Gun danced with him this way and no one else. He felt his heart bumping in his chest and wanted nothing more than look away, but he just couldn’t.

“..ff, Off!” Tay called his friend who didn’t respond at all. So he followed his gaze and saw what stole Off’s attention. He stood up quickly and turned to Off, only to see a tear running down his cheek.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know why, but every chapter is longer than the one before. Hahahah I am too motivated I guess ^^


	7. Can I pretend...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 7 and 8 were actually one too big chapter, so I separated them, but still uploaded them at the same time, since I already wrote it<3

“Off you should go to the toilet otherwise the others will see.” Tay said sympathizing. Off stood up, totally wrecked and followed Tay. They entered one cabinet together and Off couldn’t take it anymore and fell in his friend’s arms. He let out a cry and started sobbing.

“Shhh it’s all okay, just let it out.” Tay caressed his back and drew circles there. 

“It hurts so much. Seeing Gun dancing with Toptap in…in this way makes me so jealous and I…I see again that I have no chance.”

“Don’t say that, I get your feeling, but they were just dancing. Please don’t interpret too much.”

They were silent after that but stayed in the hug for a few minutes until Off found himself again. He dried his eyes with his shirt and cleared his nose. 

“Thanks for being there for me Tay.”

“Always.”

So after Tay checked Off’s appearance and found that he looked as usual they headed back. Off decided to try not to think anymore tonight, just switch off his head. And maybe drink a little more.

Tay communicated everything important to New through some looks and New nodded. Off was again surprised on what level these two understood each other. 

Shortly after, also Gun came back, he looked a little flushed but also slightly uncomfortable. His way led him directly to the bottle of vodka and he filled his glassed around 3 cm and drowned half of it in one go. Off was shocked, but he forced himself to look away and not think about Gun further.

“Heeeeey Tay, didn’t you say you have a game for us? We are ready now, really ready!!” Earth screamed over the table. Tay looked a little shocked. He forgot about it since the incident with Off happened.

“I don’t know if we should still play. It’s not that cool.” Tay answered, but Off could sense something was wrong and he leaned closer so he heard what Tay whispered to New: “I don’t know if this is a good idea after what Off already experienced today…it will lead them to confess some things.”

“No way! We want to play, right?” Mike said and and all cheered, also Gun nodded and drank another sip.

“Okay...” Tay took out the cards he prepared at home.

“Man, you prepared a real game?!” White was fascinated.

“Yeah I knew we would be a funny round and so I thought about designing a funny game, one fitting for us.” Tay explained himself and felt the questioning look from Off on him. Eventually all guys were seated again, a little closer this time, since they took away one table and pulled the chairs tight around one. 

“Okay. I have these cards here, with questions on them. But they are not normal questions.” Tay smiled now. “They are about us and our roles. Since many of us got paired up together already, I thought it would be funny to recall some things.”

All of them were really excited now.

“So the rules are easy. There are open questions fitting everyone, concerning shooting or also private matters, so you can just randomly draw one of the big pile. Then of course there are specific ones marked with your name concerning special series or couples. You answer the question or else you have to drink, but I hope you will answer of course.”

After some skeptical looks all nodded and they started. The first one was White, who wanted to start and he drew a card from the general questions pile. He smirked and read the question out load: “’Which guy did you enjoy kissing the most?’ Haha! Easy one for me, since the only guy I kissed so far is Captain. So I choose him.”

“That is not fair!” Mike complained. “I will ask a follow up question.” And everybody agreed.

“Okay, I will only change the question slightly: Did you enjoy kissing a guy, so did you enjoy kissing Captain?”

“Good one. I would say it was fine, like I was 19 at this time, so I was already old enough to separate filming and real emotions and so I felt okay with kissing really anybody. Captain and I got along very well at that time. We didn’t share intense kisses anyway.” With this he shrugged, and the others didn’t push him more, since they knew that White was sad about the outcome of his and Captain’s friendship.

The next one was Earth who decided to directly go to the specific questions for him, which caused the guys to clap. “Better doing them now. Okay I read it out: ‘Would you have liked to have New to be your couple partner after filming ‘Water Boyy’ instead of him being Tay’s’?”

“Whaaat? Tay you wrote these things, why asking something like this?!” White nearly screamed.

“I tried to be neutral and I have to confess I had a little help with writing questions. But let’s play and not talk about that.” So he indicated Earth to answer.

“I don’t want to lie, of course I would love to have a fix couple as some of you, but Tay and New fit really well and I would not want it to be different now.” He smiled proudly at his two mentioned friends. 

“Sweet words from youuuu.” Mike said and Tay smiled.

Next one was Toptap, who was silent all the time. He drew a card from the general ones. “’What is your next upcoming series?’” 

“What an easy question, I thought we will only have dirty and embarrassing ones here.” Somebody complained. “I put in some nice ones, too.” Tay added and Toptap answered: “I will be in 3 Will be Free. Tay is one of the main roles along with Joss and Mild. Shooting should start soon.” 

“Really looking forward to this.” Some of the guys added.

Next one was New, who also took a general question. “I am really nervous. Let me see: ‘When and how did you have your first time?’ It was so clear I will get the embarrassing things.” All laughed.

“So will you answer or drink?” Off piped up. 

“I prefer to drink. Otherwise you will make fun of me.” So New took one of the many shots on the table and downed it. At least something happened in the game at last. It was Tay’s turn now and he took a card of the specific questions. 

“Man, you know all the questions for you! Is this fair?” again someone complained but Tay only shrugged.

“I was not merciful to myself either, as I said I had help and so I didn’t choose any of the questions about me, listen: ‘How do you feel about to have had your first kiss while filming for a series and especially with a boy?’” A murmur could be heard.

“Hmm, I had time to think about an answer to this question and so I will answer it. I think it was okay. I had some doubts before, since many people value a first kiss very highly but I had a good feeling with New and so I thought: go for it. Better than ending up kissing no one ever.” Suddenly Gun spoke with a quite drunk voice: “Can I ask a follow up question?” Tay nodded.

“So I am correct with the assumption you didn’t kiss any girl at all?” It was really silent at this moment, despite the loud music all around them.

“You are right, I didn’t.” Tay smiled, but seemed a little startled. “But I will soon, while filming 3 Will be Free. Seems I am keeping my ‘first kiss while shooting’ tradition.” He added jokingly and the others laughed too.

Before Off could draw a card, White complained: “Guys we never drink in this game, can we please all do a shot now, I feel getting sober again and it’s only 11 pm.”

Since most people agreed they did and then Off drew a card from general pile. He read the question at first silently for himself and looked up at Tay. Then after people complained he read it out load: “’Who do you dislike most in the group?’” Off cursed inside, why did he get this question?

“I cannot answer this, I like you all.” 

“Then you have to drink.” 

“Really?” Off tried to dodge but they made him drink in the end. His head was slowly starting to spin, he couldn’t understand what White was complaining about getting sober. “Gun it’s your turn, take a card.”

He did, from the question concerning him specifically. He directly read the question out load and struggled. (They were not sure if it was caused by the alcohol or his general language problems.)

“’Did you get aroused while filming the bathroom scene with Oab in ‘The Blue Hour’ or the shower scene with Off in ‘Puppy Honey’?’ Should I answer if I got aroused in either of them or in which one of them?” Gun seemed confused.

“Just say as you want, how you felt in both.”

“Okay.” And Gun smiled impishly and Off knew the little one was drunk now. “I enjoyed filming both a lot. If I have to choose which was more sexually arousing, I would say the one with Oab since we were having sex in the scene and in the shower we didn’t. But I also liked seeing Papii’s body that time, soo yeah.”

Off felt his face getting hot. This little devil, how could he say something like that so frankly. But what Off really annoyed was this little happiness he felt as Gun talked about enjoying seeing him.

The guys at the table were murmuring. The last one for the first round was Mike and he took a general question.

“’What do you appreciate the most when being in a relationship?’ Ohh wow what a deep question. Let me think.”

Meanwhile Off’s thoughts wandered from the topic and he recalled Gun’s answer. He actually confessed to be aroused by both scenes didn’t he? Or not? Off was confused. Because actually saying that one liked to film a sex scene with a guy, when being straight, is rather weird. Also to enjoy another guy’s body was not normal, except one liked guys, right? What was his brain doing for fuck’s sake? Off tried to return to Mike and he had missed half of the answer already.

"…so what I am trying to say by that is that I need to feel this kind of connection. It somehow comes close to the image of a soulmate. It isn’t about good looks or a specific type but like the inner things.” Mike finished and everyone looked at him amazed about what he just said.

“Wise words man.” Tay added and nodded. “So first round survived! Let’s get to the next one.”

“Before that, let’s drink another shot!!” Earth and White suggested and the guys approved. Off didn’t care anymore, he felt already dizzy and maybe he would stop thinking about Gun at some point.


	8. ...to fake that part

So the second round started and it was a little more interesting than the first. 

White revealed that he envied most of his co actors for their looks and got encouraged by all of them, that he was beautiful too. (Mike exactly used that words.) 

Furthermore Earth shared his favorite sex position. (To everyone’s astonishment, he wasn’t that adventurous and except from missionary he only tried wall fucking once but the girl was too heavy after some time.)

After that story Toptap felt a little anxious and his fears were justified because he actually would have had to tell with whom he had sex the last time. But he didn’t want to answer so he drank. 

New had to answer to the question if he ever felt more than friendship for Tay. (“No I didn’t. I like girls only and Tay didn’t convince me otherwise.” Tay jokingly acted heartbroken, but he smiled shortly after.) 

Tay took a general question and as soon as he read it silently, he cursed. Why did he get this!? This one was meant for Off, so he needed to confess, shit did he miscounted something?

“’Have you ever felt something more than friendship to one of your male friends?’” Tay read the question out load and hesitated. “Is it enough to answer yes or no?” Tay asked shyly. 

“Hmmm. We would love to hear more if there is more to it, but it is a yes or no question so fine.”

“Yes, I did. But I can’t tell more.” The guys were laughing now about Tay’s unusual shyness.

Still being a little surprised from his best friend’s confession, Off took a general question too and answered really quickly, since it was easy to tell which show he enjoyed most starring in. (Theory of Love obviously.)

Gun had to share what he liked and disliked the most about himself. (“I think my body is sexy, like my lips, but I don’t like my silliness sometimes, I just can’t stay serious in some situations.”)

Lastly Mike shared with whom at the table he would most likely want to play in a BL couple. (After looking at everybody, he chose Toptap who smiled at him friendly.)

“Why are we such open people and always tell the truth and never drink?!” New now even complained. “When I played this game as a teenager, we were all shy and ended drunk after a few minutes. Well the questions were a lot dirtier that time.”

“Are you talking bad about my questions, hmmm?”

As the two started fighting playfully, Off’s mind wandered again. Tay had feelings for one of his friends? Off knew all of them, who could it be? Tay told him the other day that he didn’t feel anything more than friendship for New who would be the most likely candidate.

“I think we should stop that game, it’s boring.” Gun suddenly said. His expression bored and a little angry. But he looked like that since he returned to the table, so Off was sure it was not only the game which was annoying Gun. Gun who found his own body sexy. Ha, he had some balls to say something like that, but also all right since it was true. With this Off let his gaze wonder over Guns body. He was wearing an oversize T-shirt as usual, but shorts so Off could admire Gun’s beautiful legs. Off knew most of their female fans envied him for having better ones than they themselves. Off chuckled.

“What's so funny Papii?” Gun asked and pulled Off out of his thoughts.

“Nothing.” And he swallowed.

“Sooooo, I suggest we drink another round and then we separate since I saw a nice group of girls dancing there and me and Earth plan on talking to them.” White was saying with a smirk on his face. 

They all took another shot and as Earth stood up he asked: “Someone wants to join? New?”

“Yeah why not.” And he rose. ”Me too, I need some movement.” So Mike joined too, leaving Tay, Off, Gun and Toptap at the table. 

Off changed place and sat next to Tay on the bench. “Do you want to talk about the question from earlier? Like the guy you like.”

“Liked. Past tense, I don’t have feelings for him anymore, at least not in a romantic way.” 

“Okay I hope he didn’t hurt you. How come your feelings changed back?” Maybe he could get some advice to use for his situation with Gun.

“I don’t know. I even don’t know how they changed from friendship to more at a certain point. I just had the feeling that I wanted to kiss and hug him. But eventually I found out that I love touching in general and maybe I just wanted more from him since he hardly gave me any. So I never had hopes and I never had a broke heart at all. I think the turning point was when he told me he was in love with someone else. But I didn’t feel bad in any way, I was just happy for him and I support this love a lot.” Tay genuinely smiled and so Off too. 

He still wondered who this friend was, but fortunately he didn’t have to take care of a broken-hearted Tay since he was already overcharged with his own problem. Thinking about that: Where the heck was Gun? One moment he was there and now not anymore. Only now he realized Toptap was gone too and his heart began to race. He stood up abruptly and felt the world around him spinning. 

“I will be back.” He said to Tay who seemed to have fallen asleep, also being affected by the alcohol. 

Off’s way led him intuitively to the toilets and he rather stumbled there than walked. As he reached the door, he could hear some voices but could catch only fragments since his ears where swooshing. 

“I told you before…” That was clearly Toptap, but his voice sounded a little aggressive.

“…want...” Off only understood some words from Gun, since the little one’s drunk voice was barely understandable. So Off entered the room and saw Toptap holding Gun’s wrists and his facial expression was far from the nice one he was used to.

“Off.” He said. “Take your boy away please, he doesn’t know where the limits are.”

But Off only saw Gun’s sad and hurt face so he pushed Toptap away and pulled Gun to him. Off couldn’t understand what was going on, but every cell of his body said: protect Gun, take care of him. So they left the toilet and Toptap could only shake his head.

As soon as they reached the table Gun took two shots and drank them quickly.

“Gun what are you doing? Stop it, we will leave now.” And so after Off woke Tay, told him that they will leave, he grabbed Gun’s hands and pulled him to the door.

The fresh air and silence outside were a blessing for Off, still he couldn’t think clearly.

“Was is going on Gun? Why are you drinking so much and what did Toptap do to you...”

“He did nothing.” Gun was only blabbering with closed eyes and fell into Off. So the older one took a hold on him and walked him to a bench. 

He actually placed Gun next to him, but the smaller one refused and climbed on Off’s lap and snuggled into him, placing his head on Off’s shoulder. Off exhaled. This felt too good. And in his state he had no self-control at all, so he reached for Gun’s back and stroked him. It was different than the other times, because he went up until touching his warm skin at his neck and down very low, reaching Gun’s tailbone and so almost touching his ass. Gun in the meantime had put his hands on Off’s waist, slowly lowering his touch to his hip which he gripped hard. His thumb was drawing little circled at Off’s lower abdomen. Off could feel Gun breathing at his neck and as he placed a kiss there, a little moan escaped Off. This was like a trigger because suddenly Gun looked up with a hungry look in his eyes. His lips were really red and wet, it seemed he chewed on them and a blush was covering his cheeks. He was beautiful.

“I want you.”


	9. In the dark

“I want you.” 

Off was totally dumbfounded. What was Gun saying? But before Off could even think of a reply the younger one grabbed face and pressed his lips on Off’s.

Off’s breathing stopped. 

Gun had his eyes closed and was kissing him desperately. Since Off showed no sign to do anything, Gun starting to lick his lips, trying to make Off open his mouth for him. Off wanted to push him away, ask him what the fuck he was doing and tell Gun why this was a really bad idea. But he couldn’t. This felt too good and so he also closed his eyes and carefully started to reciprocate the kiss. 

Gun’s hands left Off’s cheeks and found their way to his shoulders and neck. He grabbed Off’s hair and let his fingers run through it. The kiss started to get wetter since Off opened his mouth and let their tongues play together. Shit, Off felt the kiss directly finding its way down into his dick. It actually wasn’t helping that Gun was moving in his lap. Off tried stop Gun’s movements and pressing him away by firmly gripping Gun’s waist, but it seemed he had no power left since Gun easily got even closer and suddenly their dicks touched. 

“Aoww.”

A gasp escaped Off’s mouth and they broke the kiss. 

Gun was breathing hard and he licked his lips, then he raised his gaze and their eyes locked. Off was still so drunk that he felt dizzy and didn’t even see Gun’s face totally clear. Also the younger one seemed as if he was not in a good condition. Nonetheless Off threw all his doubts overboard and with one hand he grabbed the back of Gun’s had and pressed their lips together for another heated kiss. Off’s other hand wandered down Gun’s back until he could feel the arch of his butt. His mind switched off and so he touched his ass shyly. It was only a little stroke, but Gun let out a moan and started to kiss Off’s neck. Off’s mind switched off, he only wanted to feel more, but suddenly he heard Gun saying something. 

“We are outside, we cannot…let’s go to your apartment.”

And so he slid off Off’s lap and tried to stand but he stumbled a little bit. Off was still sitting there on the bench in the dark, right in front of the club and just now he realized what they did - in public! At least there were no people in their close surrounding and so he calmed down again. Until he looked down at himself and saw the bulge in his trousers, then he looked at Gun who was just standing there and saw that he was in the same condition. So Off rose and felt the effects of the alcohol and his excited state. Gun immediately took his hand and pulled him to the next street and called a taxi. The only thing Off was thinking about, was Gun’s hand still holding his. He looked down at them and saw that their fingers were entwined. His heart started beating faster, he was so in love with this guy and he was about to take him home. Gun was just looking straight on the ground, seeming a little restless. 

Finally the taxi came, they entered and Off gladly found his voice to tell the driver his address. At first they were just sitting in the car silently, but then Gun reached out and started caressing Off’s neck and let his hand slide down his chest. Off’s breath got stuck again, and he sought hold by gripping his own thighs. How could Gun be so bold and touch him in the car? Gun kept going and returned to Off’s neck, now putting little kisses there. This car ride seemed endless for Off, but after 10 minutes they finally reached their destination. They paid quickly and then entered the condo. Off’s hands were shaking and he was once again happy to have a key card. 

The door closed with a loud bang and left them in the darkness and silence of the room. 

Gun came closer and Off stepped back until he had the wall in his back.

“Papii…”

Gun grabbed Off’s head and pulled him down to kiss him. He pressed himself closer and rubbed his body on the taller one’s. Off immediately returned the kiss as passionate and they sucked each other’s lips and tongues. Off caressed Gun’s back and reached down again to touch his butt. A little moan escaped Gun and he stepped even closer. He stood on his tiptoes the whole time, since the height difference was really big. 

“Lift me up.” Gun said breathless and suddenly he jumped in Off’s arms. 

“Now turn around and press me to the wall, it’s easier that way.” 

Off did and as they were at the same level their kiss was more intense, Off could capture Gun’s lower lip with his teeth and started nibbling. Shit, this was so hot. In this position Off felt Gun’s dick at his belly and nearly choked as he could vaguely assume the size. He would have never imagined Gun being so big, since his body was so small. 

Off panicked shortly, he never touched someone else’s dick, had no experience and was starting to be afraid what will happen. His drunk mind suddenly imagined the weirdest things and he broke the kiss to look concerned at Gun. Gun had red cheeks and his lips were swollen.

“Gun I don’t know how…you know, what are we going to do?” He struggled even forming a whole sentence.

“Don’t worry, I will help you.” Gun had a smug grin on his face and pressed a little kiss on Off’s lips. “Carry me to the bed.”

Off did so and was glad he could lay Gun down, since he was not so strong. 

He was bent over Gun and admired his beauty. He couldn’t believe this perfect person wanted him!

“Kiss me.” Gun said and Off followed. He couldn’t be any happier doing anything else right now. They robbed upwards to lie properly on the bed. Gun’s hands started roaming Off’s body again and soon he let his hands slide under Off’s shirt where he touched the heated skin.

“Take it off. Mine too.” 

Off nodded and straightened up and to get rid of his shirt and undershirt. He found Gun’s eyes looking at his body hungrily, still Off was a bit shy since he was so skinny and had no trained body. He continued quickly and grabbed Gun’s shirt as well and took it off. 

His body was so perfect. Everything was so small, but he had some fine muscles. Off couldn’t stop staring and so Gun took the initiative again and reached out to touch Off’s chest. He stroked his abs and found his way to his nipples. As he touched them, Off felt a wave of pleasure running down his spine. Shit, since when he was so sensitive there?  
Thinking about it, nobody ever touched him there, his former girlfriends actually didn’t touch him anywhere except destroying his back with their long nails. 

Gun licked his lips and sat up to hug Off, so that the older sat on Gun’s thighs now. Off wanted to ask whether this was hurting him, but suddenly Gun kissed one of Off’s nipples and the words never found their way out of Off’s mouth. Gun started sucking hard and Off couldn’t do anything than embrace Gun’s had and stroke his hair, while he positioned the other hand on Gun’s back.

His dick was so hard now that he was concerned about coming in his pants any moment. Fortunately, Gun released his nipple after doing the same with the second one. Gun looked up at him. His look was not clear and to Off it became clear that Gun was still drunk as fuck. Shit, did he even wanted to do this? Off again couldn’t utter his thoughts because Gun’s hand suddenly reached to Off’s trousers and pressed at his hard dick. Off moaned and tried to suppress it, but he couldn’t help and sight again.

“Take them off, I want to see you.”

Again Gun gave him instructions and Off was glad, since he had no idea what to do. He rose from Gun’s lap and slowly opened his trousers. He pulled them down and Gun did the same with his own. Off was wearing the normal loose boxer shorts, so his shape was not so visible yet, but as he looked down, he gulped at the sight: Gun was lying there in front of him, wearing black tight boxers who didn’t leave any room for imagination. Off was frozen again, since he had no idea what he should do or rather what he was allowed to do.

“Papii stop being so shy...it turns me off, just do something.” Off felt guilty that he couldn’t take care of him enough. But what should he do? He loved Gun and didn’t want to hurt him.

“Help me please, I never…I want…” Off got a little emotional at this moment and so Gun rose and made Off lay down on the bed now. He made himself comfortable on Off’s lap, actually he exactly positioned himself such that he could rub his ass at Off’s dick. 

“Aaahh!” Off was about to pass out of the sudden pleasure. Gun leaned down to kiss him again, while his hands again roamed over Off’s chest and he started moving faster. Off only hugged him. Their kiss was sloppy, and teeth were crashing together. Gun stopped the kiss, leaned down and sweetly whispered in off’s ear.

“I want you to fuck me, please.” 

Off swallowed and nodded, without knowing what to do.

“Don’t think too much, I’ll take care of it.” 

So Gun pulled down first his and then Off’s boxers and Off’s cheeks became a little red. Shit, that view was turning him on so much. Their dicks nearly had the same size, how was that possible? 

Off lost himself in his thoughts and only came back to reality when Gun left the bed and went to his bag to look for something. He soon found some condoms and Off only looked at Gun in disbelieve. What the actual fuck? His brain was not working. How…? Why was little innocent Gun carrying condoms in his bag? 

“Do you have lube here?” Off nodded and reached for the drawer to find an old bottle he used with his girlfriend when she was not ready to take him sometimes. Gun quickly came back and grabbed the lube. He positioned himself again above Off and smiled. Then he bent down and put a little kiss on Off’s dick. He licked and let his tongue play with his tip. The he took him in his mouth. Off was again overwhelmed by is feelings and he couldn’t think about nothing more than Gun, who was sucking his dick. He risked one glance down and couldn’t believe that Gun had him fully down his throat, he swallowed around him every now and then and so Off leaned back, closed his eyes and was ready to welcome his death. 

Meanwhile Gun opened the lube and put some on his fingers. He reached back and started to prepare himself. He understood Off would never have the courage to do so, as he judged from his earlier timidity. And all Gun wanted was finally be fucked, since he was so horny the whole evening.

As he decided it was sufficient (Papii is not so big) he released Off’s dick from his mouth, which was wet and red after his sucking. Off looked up questioning and saw Gun putting a condom on Off’s cock. Off wanted to protest again, since he didn’t know how he should fuck Gun, he was sure there was preparation needed and so they better finish it with their hands. 

“Gun…” But he was silenced with a kiss. Gun literally licked over his mouth. Meanwhile he opened the lube again and put on some on Off’s dick. He stroked some times and then positioned himself above him. 

“Gun wait, it will hurt you.” And Off tried to stop him, by grabbing his hip, but again the small guy was unstoppable and slowly let Off’s dick enter him. Off felt the heat around him and silently let out little cry. Gun threw his head in his neck and stayed this way for a little while before he started moving up and down. Never fully letting Off slip out. Off looked at Gun and couldn’t believe what he saw. His Gun, his little sweet Gun, was lasciviously moving on him and didn’t seem shy at all. 

“Aaahh yes!” Gun screamed as he found the right spot. And hearing this Off suddenly came. It was way too fast he found, but that guy was killing him. But Gun didn’t stop yet, he went on riding him, now also stroking himself. 

“Just a little more, Papii…” he moaned.

Although it started hurting a little bit, he was still hard. Off was fascinated and reached out. He wanted to try to touch Gun so bad, he wanted to help him come too. So as he touched Gun’s frantically moving hand, Gun opened his eyes and let go to let Off finish him. 

The feeling of Gun’s dick was not so different from his own and so Off instinctively did what he was used to do to himself. And it was apparently good cause Gun came all over Off’s hand with a groan. Gun stopped moving and was breathing hard now. He licked his lips and slowly raised so Off slid out of him. 

“Ahh...” both Gun and Off whimpered at the loss. 

Off immediately took off the condom and didn’t bother, just put it on the bedside table. Gun in the meantime took a handkerchief and cleaned Off’s hand and his stomach provisionally, then he lowered himself to lie half on Off. The latter’s mind was still empty, and he only slowly realized what had happened. He reached up and encircled his hands around Gun’s little body. Gun just pressed a lazy kiss on his neck and didn’t say anything.

Off was feeling so good. He was so satisfied and thinking about who the reason for that was, he couldn't stop himself from smiling. Off loved this guy in his arms so much and did never want to let go of him again. He noticed that Gun must have fallen asleep since he heard him breathing steadily. Off turned them both so that they were lying on the side facing each other and pulled the blanket over their sweaty bodies. Again Off reached out and hugged him, until he too fell into a deep sleep.


	10. I am not the main in your show

The first thing Off felt was an annoying pounding in his head, followed by a dryness in his mouth. Still keeping his eyes closed he tried to change position, because he felt uncomfortable lying on his back right now. “Ouu…” he whispered as his head was killing him as soon as he moved. When he positioned himself on the side, he stretched his feet and suddenly touched someone else’s legs. Totally confused he opened his eyes a few millimeters but the light in the room was too bright and so he closed them again. Why did he forget to close his curtains? Already forgotten about the touch he didn’t bother further, he fell asleep again.

He didn’t know how much time passed but he was woken from sleep again as he felt someone cuddling up to him. He opened his eyes abruptly and found Gun in his arms. Wait…Gun? Did his friend sleep over last night? He couldn’t actually remember clearly but Off was just happy to see his friend and he smiled. 

All of a sudden, without any warning, the memories of yesterday returned. He remembered leaving the club, because Gun was behaving strangely and then they were sitting outside and… Shiiiiit! They actually had sex! Off’s heart started racing and his eyes widened. He looked at Gun, who was sleeping like a baby next to him and wondered if this was the same person as the one, he made out with yesterday. Off still felt his head throb and his realization caused him even more headache. Slowly he calmed himself down, since he didn’t want to wake Gun.  
This little devil! Off couldn’t help but wonder. How could he not be aware of this side of Gun? He realized that they actually never talked about their private lives but still he was sure he knew his friend by heart. Until yesterday. 

His shock started to pass and he could finally smile. He slept with the guy he loved and that felt incredible. Off slowly freed his hand from under the sheets and reached for Gun’s naked shoulder. He looked like an angel with his small body and delicate features. Off knew he never felt like this for anyone before. His heart ached and he felt butterflies in his stomach. He would have loved to wake Gun, to be able to look in his beautiful eyes and maybe get a smile from him, but he couldn’t disturb his sleep. So Off retreated his hand again, carefully pulled the blanket properly over Gun and turned around to lie on his back.  
He could feel that he was naked and he didn’t like it actually, since he always wore at least boxers. But what he really liked was the thought that Gun was naked too under their sheet. Oh God, Off suddenly felt his face heat up and a sudden urge to giggle. What was wrong with him? He couldn’t behave like a little girl. Off wiped his face and exhaled deeply.

He didn’t notice Gun waking up next to him. Only after some minutes Off turned his head once again to glance at Gun and found him looking down at the pillow with an expressionless face. Off smiled and after some doubt he threw away his worries and reached up to touch Gun’s cheek, slowly caressing it.

“Hey…” Off said silently and then Gun looked up. He didn’t smile back but still put his hand on Off’s and obviously enjoyed their touch.

“Hey Papii…”

Off was a little confused, not sure how to interpret Gun’s behavior, but he knew that Gun was no morning person at all and needed at least another hour to wake up properly. 

But then Gun suddenly sat up and was about to leave the bed, so Off reached out for him and grabbed his wrist.

“Where are you going? Can we talk about…like you remember right?” Off sounded really miserable now, he felt a little afraid about what will happen next, also there was the fear that Gun might have had forgotten everything since he was badly drunk. Shit! What if Gun is hurt and actually didn’t wanted to sleep with him and now things will get awkward? His worries must have been visible on his face because Gun said: “Don’t worry I just need to go to the toilet and clean myself a little bit.”

Off nodded and let go of him. As soon as Gun had pulled away the blanket, he just stepped out of the bed, revealing his naked back view to Off. Gun didn’t even try to hide something but just went directly into the bathroom, leaving a stunned Off behind. 

“Ooooiii!” Off exclaimed and wiped his face again. He was so overwhelmed by Gun’s beauty and this bluntness was making him so weak. He was lost, that was sure. He lay down again and closed his eyes. 

Not long and Gun returned and climbed in bed again. He let out a sigh. Off sat up against the bed next to Gun, who started to speak first: “Are you okay?” 

“Should it not be me asking you if you are okay? Did I hurt you?”

“No not at all, I am used to it.” And then he winked. Off raised an eyebrow. Whaaat?

“So you…you are gay?” Off lowered his gaze since he was a little shy.

“Yes, I thought that was pretty obvious. I know we never talked about things like that…I hope you don’t mind me liking guys and it will not stand between us.”

“No! Of course not! You are still the same as before, at least mostly. You have a wild side in you, little devil…” Off smiled and Gun joined. 

Off was getting ready to open up about his feelings, looking for the right words in his head, but then Gun said: “I am glad you take it easy. I was shocked when I woke up and remembered we fucked…I mean it really was my intension to get laid yesterday, but not with YOU.” Gun emphasized it in a strange, not really positive way and then he giggled.

Off’s smile froze. Huh? Suddenly he felt a lump in his throat and looked away, down at is hands, his thoughts racing. Gun actually didn’t want to sleep with him and only took him since he was there? Oh…Off realized, that that would explain his behavior towards Toptap.

“So you wanted something from Toptap right?” His voice was silent and cracked.

“Yeah! I mean look at him, he is sweet and so mysteriously at the same time. I know he is gay, so I thought we could have some fun. But this little fucker thought it would be a bad idea and refused me!” Gun said with a little smile.

Off was hurt, he felt his heart crack and needed to hold himself together so much. He really was only a replacement. He was there and Gun wanted to be fucked. Gun felt nothing special for him. Not as he did. Gun didn’t love him. 

“Are you really okay with what happened? I mean, it was your first time with a guy right?”

Off only nodded and faked a smile, Gun smiled too.

“Great! I would never forgive myself if things changed between us now because of this accident.” And Gun snuggled closer and hugged Off. But Off couldn’t reciprocate the hug, his mind was empty and his heart felt so heavy. Making love to him is an accident? 

“Let’s lay down some more Papii.” And so he pulled them down and placed his head on Off’s chest. But Off turned his head as far away from Gun as possible and felt a tear run down his cheek. Gun was already fallen to sleep again, so he didn’t notice anything. Off soon started sobbing a little more but tried his best to control himself. At some point he just let it out and cried until he also fell asleep, totally exhausted.


	11. The place that I wasn't given

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the comments guys! I'm glad you like the story!  
> We are about half way now <3
> 
> FYI: After the story ends, there will be some extra chapters covering the "missing scenes", that means things that happened when Off wasn't near (the story is his pov obviously). So don't be sad, if in the end there will still be some unanswered questions, everything will get clear. ;)

At around noon they woke up again and Off was glad that his tears had faded, and most importantly no signs were visible. Gun put on his cloths rather quickly and soon left Off’s apartment after hugging him. Off was silent all the time and only answered really briefly as Gun asked when they will see each other again. But since there was no bigger event or shooting planned the next weeks, Off said he will call the following days.

Off only put boxers on as he accompanied Gun to the door. He wanted to take a shower afterwards anyways. While he walked to the bathroom his heart was heavy, his mind empty and he felt wasted. The cold water of the shower helped him clear his head and he recalled what actually happened. He was in love with Gun. Gun was out for being laid. They were both drunk. So this boundary between them was easily overstepped and it happened. I mean what did Off expect? Them starting being boyfriends now? Yes, it seemed he did. Actually he didn’t think at all. He just acted yesterday and took the love Gun gave him. And this morning he was too tired and still overwhelmed so he didn’t think further anyways. But now he has received a clear answer from Gun.

“Fuck.” Off said and leaned against the wall of the shower. Slowly his eyes got wet again and the tears mixed themselves with the cold water pouring down his face. He didn’t really know how things should go on. He also was not in the mood to call Tay right now, although it would be better to speak about what happened with somebody. 

He dried himself and put on some cloths, although he had no intention to leave his condo today. So he just returned to bed and lay down. He didn’t even want to look at his phone, because for sure he will see Gun somehow: either on their social media, in some group chat or maybe the little one even wrote to him privately, who knows. Off found himself getting another headache and didn’t like it at all. Also his hair was still wet and he just hoped not to get sick. He just had no power left to do anything. 

After some time (Off didn’t know if only minutes or hours passed) his doorbell rang. At first he just wanted to ignore it, but after a second ringing he stood up and ambled to the door.

To his surprise he saw Toptap standing there, smiling as always.

“Hey Off! I hope I don’t disturb you.” Since Off was so confused he just shook his head.

“Can I come in? I want to talk about yesterday, I am worried you misunderstood the situation. I…”

Off interrupted Toptap: “Hey no problem.” His voice sounded hoarse, so he cleared his throat and went on. “At first I was confused, but I understood later, you did nothing wrong.” And he smiled shortly at him.

“Puuuh, I’m glad. I wouldn’t have liked it if you got a wrong picture of me, I really like you and hope we can be good friends.”

Off was touched by Toptap’s words. He didn’t really know why, but he smiled again and this time it was a smile coming from his heart. But the next moment this emotional state turned around and he felt a tear run down his cheek.

“Off. Heyyheyhey, what is wrong?” Toptap asked with a worried voice and reached out and touched his arms. Off couldn’t reply anything and only started shaking a little stronger. So Toptap pushed Off inside his room, followed him and closed the door behind them. Off just complied.

“Let’s sit down.” And so he lead Off to the couch. Toptap didn’t know Off so well, so he was not aware that normally the older one didn’t like touching and hugs at all. Toptap didn’t even hesitate and hugged him heartwarmingly. Off’s most dominant feeling right now was shame. He was crying in another man’s arms, who was not even a close friend of his. On the other hand, he was glad somebody was there. He calmed down really fast and released the hug.

“It’s okay now, thanks.” Off wiped his face and Toptap looked really concerned at him. “Are you okay? I mean you don’t have to tell me, but I can listen to you.”

Off hesitated. Toptap was none of his close friends, but somehow he felt good being with him at this moment. Also if he would tell him, he wouldn’t judge, if he could believe what Gun told him yesterday.

“Okay. It’s about Gun.” Off’s heart hurt a little when he said that name.

“Shit, did he something to you?? I mean he was quite insistent yesterday with me and you were drunk as well. You…you know, right?” Off understood that Toptap was referring to Gun’s sexuality.

“Only since yesterday. And yes, he was also quite insistent with me, but I was not forced in any way. I also enjoyed.” Off smiled shyly and Toptap also grinned now. “Waaaaaait so I assume correctly? You two did it?”

Off only nodded.

“Okay, so what about your breakdown before? Not handling well that you had sex with a man?”

“No not at all. You need to know, I would have never slept with Gun only like that. I was not that needy, I don’t like guys anyway and I would have had the power to push him away. The thing is I…” Off stopped and collected himself. “I love him. I realized I am in love with him a few weeks ago.” Fortunately, he didn’t have the urge to cry again although his heart hurt.

“Oh shit…”

“So of course I was happy as fuck when he kissed me and of course enjoyed all what came after. I just didn’t think ahead. My drunk mind somehow expected him to like me back, but he doesn’t. He made it clear today morning.” Off let his head hung defeatedly.

“What did he exactly say? I mean did you tell him about your feelings?”

“No… I wanted, but then he told me he was shocked to wake up next to me and he gave me the feeling of only being a substitution, because I was just…there.”

“You shouldn’t assume that. Maybe he only chose the wrong words. Additionally, he has no idea how you feel, I’m sure he would have reacted differently if he knew.”

“Well that doesn’t matter now. He doesn't have the same feelings for me and so I just need to find a way to go on and forget about what I feel. Otherwise this could end badly, my work and I depend on having a good relationship with Gun.”

Then they were silent for a while. Off looking down at his hands and Toptap attentively studying Off.

“Okay. I get you, just try to talk to him again. More I cannot say either. Normally I would suggest making the best of the situation, and you know…do it sometimes, friends with benefits…but since feelings are involved it’s not that of a good solution. Don’t hesitate to talk to me again any time.” And he hugged Off again. Now that he was at his senses the older one pushed Toptap away rather fast but still smiled thankfully.

“Thanks, Tay also knows about my feelings so I should talk with him again too.”

Then Toptap left and Off was alone again.

The time passed somehow and he ordered some noodles from his favorite Chinese delivery service for dinner. Later he wrote Tay.

_Hey man, did you get home well yesterday? Sorry for leaving so fast, but Gun was a little too drunk. I need to talk to you about something, but I know you are busy the next days, so no hurry! :)_

Tay replied the next day, confirming that he is busy with preparations for his new series. Off was okay, if he would really need somebody then he could talk to other friends of his - Arm for example. But he didn’t feel like talking about all of this again. He made himself some nice days at home, trying not to think about Gun too much. It was easier said than done because everything reminded him of his small friend. Also Gun himself wrote to him a few times, sharing some sweet posts he found online and complaining how bored he was.

Life went on. He had some things to do for work, but his free time he mostly spent at home. Finally, at the beginning of May he and Tay met for lunch. Off was not so pleased being in public when he actually wanted to tell Tay he and Gun had sex! But their table in the restaurant was in the corner and not many people were there anyway.

“I am so sorry for not meeting you earlier.”

“It’s okay man.”

“No I really felt bad, my schedule is busy right now, so much new things happening and so I just couldn’t. But now I’m here and ready to listen to you, did you succeed in anything? Is Gun already falling for your charm?” Tay grinned.

“I made some progress. I just don’t think it’s a good one.”

And so Off told Tay what happened.

“…so Toptap came and wanted to apologize, but then I started crying and then he hugged me. We talked. At some point he suggested Gun and me being friends with benefits, but with one-sided feelings that wouldn’t be a good idea, yeah and then he left. Since then I didn’t really talk to anybody. Gun writes sometimes and I reply, but since there is no work these days I avoid the GMMTV creative room.”

Tay still looked shocked. He didn’t interrupt Off once only listened to the crazy things he told him. Gun did that? Oh man…

“Off, I am so sorry for you. Also for not being there. How are you doing now?”

“I am more or less okay. I think I will soon need to start to see Gun again, since we have some projects soon. Not forgetting about the big fan meeting at the end of summer.”

Tay nodded and their food came. While eating they didn’t speak so much, only talking some small talk in between. 

“So the only thing I can suggest you, is to try to only see a friend in Gun again. I know it sounds unmanageable right now, but otherwise your ship could sink.” Off knew that and so when he reached home that evening, he wrote to Gun.

_Hey Gun :) I hope you are doing fine. I’m sorry for not being around a lot… if you want, we can do something together these days?_

_Papiiiii, I missed you so much! Can I come to you now?_

Off smiled at Gun’s fast reply but was not sure if he was okay with Gun’s suggestion. Was he ready to meet him now? And also here in his apartment? But he couldn’t find any reason to reject Gun and so he confirmed. 

Nearly an hour later his doorbell rang and as he opened it, a happy Gun jumped in his arms and cuddled him. He even put a little kiss on his cheek.

All the feelings Off tried to close up in his heart these days, came out again, his heart pounded hard in his chest and his body started prickling. Gun released him, ran into his apartment and took a seat at the table. Off joined and took the chair next to him. He looked at Gun who was staring at his phone again. Off felt defeated somehow and just wanted them to be friends again. So he started the conversation.

“How are you doing?”

Gun looked up and put away his phone. “Gooood, thanks. And you?”

“It’s fine. A little tired.”

“I hope not too tired?” Gun giggled and Off looked at him curiously.

“You know, I came here so fast, because I want to talk to you.” While saying that Gun started to approach Off. Off didn’t like that he was so close, it actually made him nervous.

“About what?” he whispered. Suddenly Gun leaned in and pressed his wonderful lips on Off’s. The older one was shocked and so he didn’t react at first, but soon pushed Gun away.

“What are you doing?”

“I know you like it.” And so Gun stood up and climbed on Off’s lap, capturing his lips again. Off was fighting so much with himself. He felt everything at once. He loved Gun and enjoyed this kiss so much. He also felt really aroused by the body moving on his lap again. But in reality he wanted nothing more than push him away, run in his room and just cry and shout.

“Papii...” Gun started kissing his neck and whispered in Off’s ear: “You are okay with it, right?”

Off couldn’t think, he was so affected by Gun’s touches.

“Yes.”


	12. I could never change your mind

They didn’t even make it to the bedroom this time and only went to the sofa after the kissing and touching in the kitchen became inconvenient. Off was a lot more active this time, he pushed Gun on the sofa and climbed at his lap, leaning over him. He pressed Gun’s hands in the cushion next to his head and attacked his neck. Gun moaned and had a pleased grin on his face. They pulled off their shirts and soon their trousers followed. Off felt something awake inside of him. He was never an aggressive lover, also because his former girlfriends preferred romantic slow sex. But seeing Gun there and having in mind how much this guy was hurting him, he easily could forget his manners. Gun wanted it that way and Off should enjoy it too.

As soon as they got rid of their boxers as well, Off pressed their bodies together and kissed Gun intensely. The smaller one was now really invested too, bucking his hips up and touching Off everywhere he could reach. Off felt being really close to the edge already and as soon as Gun reached between their bodies, took both their cocks in his small hand and started stroking, he came with a groan. Also Gun followed really quickly, finishing himself off. Off was breathing hard and wanted to lay down, but there was their cum on Gun’s belly, so he sat up. Luckily there were tissues on the table and so he grabbed some and handed them to Gun. The small one was a little surprised, that Off didn’t clean him, but took them gratefully and whipped away their traces. 

Off in the meantime put on his boxers again, not feeling so well sitting here fully naked. As he turned to Gun again, he saw him still half lying on the sofa, naked and calm and with a look on his face that gave Off shivers.

“Thank you Papii.” Gun smiled after saying that.

Off didn’t reply it, he was still somehow disappointed of himself. Why had he been so weak? He knew exactly how much this would hurt him again. 

And it did. 

Seeing Gun here next to him, he actually just wanted to cuddle and thank him and never let go of him again. He was also confused about Gun being here at all. It seemed he came only with the purpose to have sex again, since he immediately attacked him with a kiss. What did this mean?

“Did you like it?” Gun sat up now and looked Off in the eyes. 

Off swallowed. “Yes of course I did.”

“Great! You have to know, that I was so hot for you for years. I think it started when shooting the shower scene in _Puppy Honey 2_. I was turned on, but that time I could never make a move on you. And the kissing scenes in Theory of Love affected me too, I would have loved to kiss you back in the bathroom scene that time and later I didn’t want to stop kissing you at all.” Gun giggled. Off felt his ears ringing and heart beating fast.

“So you like me?” Off whispered.

“I think you’re hot. But don’t worry Papii, I don’t feel anything more than that. You are one of the most important people in my life, but one needs to separate private matters and work.” Gun put a kiss on Off’s cheek. Off didn’t feel it actually, since his mind was running wild again. 

_I don’t feel anything more than that._

Now Off had an undisputable confirmation, that his feelings were unrequited. He wasn’t able to reply anything. He could never confess his feelings. It wouldn’t be good for their friendship and working relationship. 

“So anyway can we keep doing this? I mean you are single and you liked it, it’s not so different from doing it with a girl.” Gun kissed his cheek again, and another time, slowly finding his way to Off’s lips. Off was calm all the time, trying to process what Gun was saying. He pushed him away gently after Gun placed some small kisses on his lips.

“I don’t think it’s a good idea…”

“Why? Are you afraid I will fall for you? Don’t worry about that.” And he winked.

“No it’s not that…” Off’s mouth was so dry and he felt his body getting so weak. He couldn’t find any words to describe it, but it felt as if his body just had enough and so it felt heavy and hurt. He needed to collect himself.

“I think it’s not good for our friendship and work.”

“Hmm…let’s just see how things develop, maybe you will change your mind.” And Gun hugged him again. If he only knew how much he hurt Off doing this…

“Will you sleep here?” Off finally asked.

“It would be so nice of Papii if I could!”

“Of course.”

While Gun went to the bathroom and then borrowed some cozy trousers from Off, the older one ordered some food, because Gun was hungry as usual. Off was happy he felt rather fine, if he just ignored the fact that he slept already twice with Gun, who was the love of his life, but didn’t feel the same way back. So they chatted about these and that and actually Off nearly had a feeling of the good old days.

They went to lie in the bed rather early and Gun spent an hour checking his phone, replying many people and posting an IG update (of course showing as little background as possible, because their fans would immediately recognize Gun sleeping not at home).

Off checked his phone too, but after a while he put it away, he got lost in his thoughts. He didn’t find any solution to his dilemma.

“I’m soooo tired.” Gun complained, put away his phone and rolled over to Off’s side to place his head on the older one’s chest. Off was sure Gun could hear and feel his fast beating heart, but he didn’t say anything and soon they both feel asleep in each other’s arms.

Off felt a little better and more or less he returned to his normal lifestyle. He and Gun attended some events together but their focus was on planning their big fan meeting in Thailand in September, so although it was only end of May now, the crew wanted to start with doing the concept. So the two saw each other on a regular basis again. Off didn’t really know how to act around Gun and he felt a difference to before. He was so surprised that the behavior of his small friend didn’t change at all. He was as clingy and touchy as usal but not more than before either. Also he was shy at some moments as he was before. That was actually the weirdest thing for Off: How could the same Gun who was so wild and open about sex, be shy when fans made a little joke about them? Well Gun was a brilliant actor, so maybe that was all only a show for him too.

Weeks passed and Gun didn’t approach him again in a sexual way. Off couldn’t help and feel glad but also somehow wanted it again. He felt desperate and felt like banging his head on the table in front of him. He was sitting in the creative room and just wanted to meet some of his friends here, since he had a day off. And he was very lucky indeed, since today the crew of _3 Will be Free_ would have a read through.

As they entered the room Tay immediately ran to his best friend and grinned, they haven’t seen each other already in a long time.

“Man, I missed you!” And to Tay’s surprise Off came closer and hugged him. It was a really short hug, but Tay was beaming afterwards. Then Joss came and put an arm around Tay.

“Should I be jealous?” Joss said jokingly and all three laughed.

Toptap was also there and as soon as Tay and Joss left, he locked his gaze with Off. Toptap’s look was questioning and so Off tried to convey that he was doing fine, since Toptap surely wanted to know how he was coping with the situation. They both nodded in the end and Toptap joined the others.

Off listened attentively at the scenes the cast were reading and was amazed by the story. He already knew the rough plotline and was so happy for Tay that he had the chance to play in such an interesting series. In his opinion Gunsmile’s and Jenny’s storyline was the most touching one and he couldn’t wait for the show to air.

Off also observed the remarkable chemistry between Tay and Joss. Also Mild fitted so well with the two boys, that he was nearly jealous and fancied to star in another show again, although _Theory of Love_ was only airing now. 

Although it was really interesting, Off’s mind started drifting away soon and he decided to go and get a drink. 

When he returned, he saw they finished and started packing their things.

“Off! Do you want to join us for dinner?” Joss asked.

“Yeah sure!” Off was so happy to spend some time with his friends again and maybe he was able to forget about Gun for a few hours, since the small one still dominated most of his thoughts.

So he, Tay, Joss, Toptap and Mild made their way to the restaurant. They decided to walk since the Sushi place they chose was only 15 minutes away and with the traffic in the city it could have taken them longer with a taxi. Mild really quickly started a conversation with Off and he remembered how much he liked her, she was a lot like him and so they shared the same humor. Toptap was also walking at Off’s side, only listening to Off and Mild and laughing sometimes. Tay and Joss were walking behind them and Off could heard them laugh a lot. As he turned around, he saw that Joss had placed his arm around Tay and the latter holding Joss’ hand coming down from his shoulder. He and Tay also walked like that sometimes, so actually Off shouldn’t interpret too much, but he couldn’t help smiling and thinking that they looked cute together.


	13. I'm aware

The evening with his friends was really nice. During dinner they talked intensely, exchanged what happened these last few month and what future projects were ahead. After finishing their food, Tay went to the bar and ordered a round of shots for them.

“We need to finish this evening with a toast. Let’s have a good time together while filming and let’s hope that the show is successful.”

“Cheeeers!” All screamed. 

Off swallowed his drink in one go and made a face at the burning feeling in his chest.

Since Toptap was deep in conversation with Mild, Off raised his attention to Tay and Joss. The two were sitting really close together and laughing again. Tay was a really funny person and always up for making jokes or laughing about one from others. Joss on the other hand was rather silent and reserved, but when in the right company he let himself go, it seemed. Off knew Tay and Joss would play a couple in the show, alongside with Mild, however that should work. And wow he saw some chemistry there. He wondered because Tay already had a very popular couple with New. It would be the same as if he or Gun would suddenly play in another BL show. He wouldn’t like that for sure.

Shiiiiit, here he was again, thinking about Gun. He grabbed his drink and tried to change his thoughts.

Toptap seemed to have noticed something since he poked his arm. Off turned around.

“How are you doing?” Toptap kept his voice down but Off still indicated him to follow him to the toilets. As soon as they were out of hearing distance Off said: “We did it again.”

“What!? Why…I thought…” Toptap was confused.

“He came to me and pounced on me and my mind went blank again.”

“Okay. Well, how do you feel about it?”

“I don’t know, I really don’t. First I was sure I wouldn’t want that, I mean sex without more. And I also told him so. But these last days we saw each other a lot and he never made any move again. I kind of expected him to do so and now I could slap myself, because it feels as if I wanted it to happen again. Ooooohh, it’s crazy.”

“It truly is…” Toptap was thoughtful. “Okay, I would suggest you see how things develop. The most important thing is that you are okay with the things Gun does, don’t hurt yourself more than necessary.”

“Thanks man, really!” Off smiled and Toptap joined.

As they returned, Tay gave him a questioning look, but Off indicated him to talk later.

He sat down and felt a little more at ease now. Toptap was right. He should take it as it comes. He couldn’t force Gun to return his feelings so at least he could come closer to him on another way, a physical one. He dwelled a little longer in his thoughts, but then he heard a little yelp. He turned and saw Mild beaming and being totally excited. He followed her gaze and saw Tay lying in Joss’ arms, his head snuggled in the taller man’s neck.

“Aaiii this ship is sailing guys!!” Mild screamed but tried to be not too loud. Off laughed, all girls from work where shipping their co actors, so Mild’s behavior was nothing new to him. He again turned to Tay and Joss. They really looked peaceful. Has Tay fallen asleep? It seemed so. Joss on the other hand looked up to Off. Off nodded, he didn’t know why, but it seemed Joss wanted some kind of confirmation from him. Then Joss looked down again at the man in his arms. A fond smile found his way on his face and he reached up to circle his arms around the smaller body. Tay and Joss both were well build and so it looked strange for two big man to cuddle. In comparison to Gun of course, who was small and fitted perfectly in Off’s arms. He would love to hug Gun now and kiss him…

A sudden vibration pulled Off out of his imagination. His phone notified him about a new message on his private chat and since he hardly ever got any there, he checked it out. His heart started pounding as he saw ‘atp’ written there. Why was Gun texting him at 11 pm?

_Why was I not invited? :’(_

Off’s mind was racing, what did Gun mean? Quickly he opened IG and checked one after another’s stories and found the culprit: Mild made a story of her drink and tagged them all. He couldn’t blame her of course and let out a moan.

_I was in the creative room as they decided to go for dinner, it was not planned. I’m sorry…_

_Can you come to me? I miss you <3_

Off couldn’t stop himself from smiling as he read the message and particularly liked the heart at the end. Off knew where this evening would lead when he went to Gun’s house now. His heart and his dick were fighting. His brain tried to fight along but that one stopped working with Gun some time ago. 

“Guys I will leave now!”

“Oh so soon!” Mild was surprised, also Joss looked astonished.

“Yeah it’s rather late and I’m tired.” So he waved goodbye and his last gaze fell on Tay who was still lying on the big man’s shoulder. He trusted Joss.

The taxi ride was long, because Gun’s house was a little outside and the traffic was horrible also at this hour. After replying a short ‘Okay’ to Gun, Off scrolled through IG and a new post of Gun appeared. It was only 1 hour old, so he must have had posted it shortly before he wrote to Off. Gun looked beautiful as usual. His dark puppy eyes and his red lips. He was wearing a white shirt as usual when going to sleep. Off noticed that Gun’s expression was a little sad. He couldn’t help but smile at the thought that maybe Gun didn’t like him spending time with others. He felt special that way.

He paid the driver and went to the main door. Although Gun lived with his family there were different entrances so that they could live with some privacy. He pressed the doorbell to Gun’s part of the house, and it was opened immediately. Silently he made his way to Gun’s room, he was so familiar with this house that he didn’t even needed to switch on any light.

The moment he opened the door, the little man fell in his arms and hugged him fiercely. 

“Papii…”

Off hugged back and placed a little kiss on Gun’s head.

“I missed you. I also want to go to dinner with you! Why…” Gun looked sad and like a little child, who didn’t get his will.

“I’m sorry. I told you it was spontaneous. Next time you can just invite me for dinner when you want to see me.” Gun nodded and smiled, then he released Off from his hug and went to sit on the bed. Off let his gaze run over Gun. He was wearing the white shirt he already saw on the IG post. As he lowered his gaze, he saw that below that Gun only wore boxers. Tight ones again. White tight ones.

Off swallowed. Gun was only sitting there. Was he expecting Off to approach him? Or didn’t he have any sexual intention when asking him to come? So Off still stood there.

“Papii come here.” And Gun stretched out his arms. Off came closer and grabbed Gun’s hands with his and interlocked their fingers. The Off leaned down and placed a soft kiss on Gun’s lips. He retreated again to see if it was okay what he was doing. Gun smiled and then he released one hand to grab Off’s neck and pull him down to him. Off fell on Gun and started kissing him again. The kiss turned wet really soon, their tongues touching and Gun licking over Off’s lips ever now and then. Off loved kissing Gun. His lips didn’t only look beautiful and kissable, they also were. 

“Mmmm…I want you so bad.” Gun moaned as Off bend down and their dicks touched. Off let his hands wander under Gun’s shirt and softly ran over his perfect little body. Then Gun sat up and took it his shirt off, only to lay down again. Off followed his example and started unbuttoning his own shirt. Maaaan, why were there so many buttons! In the meantime, Gun started running over Off’s tights, brushing up and down, teasing him by reaching really high nearly touching his private area.

“Stop teasing me.” Off grinned and Gun replied: “You keep me waiting.”

Finally Off got rid of the shirt and decided to take off his trousers too. Right after that, he leaned down again and started nibbling and sucking at Gun’s neck. He placed little kisses there and slowly wandered down, reaching the collarbone and then Gun’s small nipples.

Off was still a little unsure, since he had no routine in pleasing a man. But he remembered from last time, when he was drunk, that it felt incredible as Gun licked and sucked his nipples and so he went for it. And it was good because Gun let out a moan. His breathing even started to go heavier now. Off looked at Gun’s face. He had his eyes closed and his mouth open. He licked over his lips and even bit on his lower lip every now and then. Off changed side and carressed the other nipple as well.

Since he was positioned a little lower now, he could feel Gun’s cock at his belly. He was already really hard and Off knew he himself was in the same condition. So he stopped and decided to remove both of their boxers. Again, his breath was taken away by Gun’s beauty. He lay there in front of him, aroused and still looking like an innocent baby. Off swallowed.

“Don’t just look, fuck me.” Gun indicated at his nightstand, where Off immediately spotted condoms and lube. Gun was really out for sex again. Off grabbed the lube and stopped. What was he supposed to do now? Gun saw his hesitation. 

“Put it on your finger and then start preparing me. One finger at first.” Then Gun bend his knees to expose his butt to Off. The latter was still hesitating but did as Gun said.  
The moment his finger entered Gun, he felt surprised. It was so warm and soft. Gun inhaled, but he sounded pleased. 

“Move it.” Off followed again Gun’s instruction. So he started fucking Gun with his finger. Soon Gun told him to add another one and moaned. Off felt Gun relax after some time and added a third one.

“I’m ready, fuck me, I’m so close.” Gun sounded impatient and Off retreated his fingers, wiped them at the bed and put on the condom. He used a big amount of lube and positioned himself at Gun’s entrance. He leaned down to kiss Gun intensely before pushing in. 

“Aaahh…” Both of them moaned. Off felt so good. He remembered last time he fucked Gun (or rather Gun fucked himself on Off) but now that he was fully aware of everything, it was a totally different thing. Gun in the meantime encircled his legs around Off’s hip and started moving with him. Off knew he wouldn’t have the power to keep going long. But it seemed Gun was also nearly over. He whined and a steady groan escaped him now. Off was sure he had the right angle and touched Gun’s sweet spot all the time. 

Only a minute later he felt wetness between them and Gun’s muscle contracting around Off’s cock. Gun came without being touched. This thought turned Off on even more than he already was and so after some last thrusts, he came. He lay down ignoring the cum on Gun’s belly. He was so exhausted.

“Papii, pull it out.” Gun’s voice sounded weak. Off did, being afraid it hurt Gun and removed the condom. This time he wrapped it in a tissue he found and threw it away immediately. He took another tissue and cleaned Gun and himself. Then he lay down again. He placed his head on Gun’s chest and placed small kisses where his mouth could reach. He loved this guy so much and loved how perfect it felt to lie in his arms. 

“Can we change position…”

“Yes of course.” Off felt bad for lying on Gun, who maybe was hurt. So he lay down on his back and let Gun crawl up to him. Off looked concerned in Gun’s face but could see no signs of pain, only satisfaction. Gun fell asleep on Off’s shoulder really soon. 

Off on the other hand lay awake and collected his thoughts. He came to the conclusion that he was okay. Not good, but not bad either. He should be thankful for what Gun gave to him. How could he expect Gun to love him? Gun was so perfect and he only an ordinary guy. Off understood that maybe this was the most he deserved to get.

“Thank you Gun.” He whispered.

_I love you._ He thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is not the end!! I don't know why, but to me the end of this chapter sounds so final LOL


	14. Tell me

So time passed. Off and Gun had a very busy summer, because beside their normal appointments, shootings and interviews they had to practice for their fan meeting. And it was an exhausting job. Off was not that athletic and so at the beginning, when the dancing classes started, he struggled a lot. On the other hand, he liked singing a lot and so Gun needed more practice there. 

Off and Gun’s relationship changed during these months. Everybody could see that and also they found themselves to be really close. One reason could be their regular dates. Off called them dates in his head, because if he ignored the fact that Gun just wanted a physical relationship, it felt to Off as if they were dating for real. 

Most of the times they went for dinner after practice and then ended up heading to Off’s apartment, kissing already passionately on their way up the stairs. It somehow became normality and Off learned new things every time. His whole life he had sex with girls and so he knew how to please them, but with Gun he was a newbie again. Gun on the other hand seemed to be a really passionate person (if it was anybody else Off would call people who do it as often as Gun a fuckboy, but he couldn’t think about his small friend as such). Gun taught Off a lot and also introduced him to different positions and ways of getting pleasure. 

One thing that bothered Off was that he told nobody about their arrangement. Also Tay and Arm had no idea… Was he a bad best friend for not telling them? Even Toptap knew more than Tay! He just never found the right time, and everybody was so fucking busy. 

A few days before the fan meeting he and Gun they shared some passionate hours as usual. They found themselves breathing hard lying on the bed next to each other.

“…ahh. Papii I would have never thought that you are so good in bed.” Gun said beaming and smiled. “I kind of don’t want to fuck with anyone else anymore.” He giggled and Off felt some jealousy creeping up his spine.

“Do you meet other guys as well these months? I mean since we started….doing this.” Off tried to sound indifferent, while inside being totally messed up and only hoped Gun would say he didn’t.

“Not these last weeks. At the beginning yes. We only had sex being totally drunk that time, so I didn’t know if you would even remember or how you would react. Then after that you also weren’t that positive about the idea of starting something with me. So when I went partying I sometimes took a guy home, yes.”

Off remained silent, so Gun continued.

“But since we do it more regularly, I am totally satisfied and time for partying is also not available these days so….”

Off didn’t know how to feel. Should he be glad Gun didn’t meet anybody these last few weeks or freaking sad since Gun was open to fuck others?

“But that’s okay for you right? We never fully talked about what we are now, so I assumed it’s just to get off sometimes. I’m sure you need it as well. And I’m not looking for a relationship now, so don’t be afraid to lose your fuck buddy to some other guy.” Gun winked and snuggled in his arms.

Off nodded and swallowed. It hurt again, so much. He couldn’t say anything against it though. Not now, not ever. If he said he would like to be exclusive, Gun could ask why and that would inevitably lead to confessing his feelings. They needed to keep peace, for their fan meeting’s sake, for their whole career’s sake. Also if that meant Off being hurt again.

The fan meeting was a big success. Their fans were the best and so after finishing both Off and Gun couldn’t hold back their tears. Maybe Off would have been able to hold it but thinking about his current situation and seeing Gun cry here, was also too much for him. 

After the event they went home since everybody was tired and nearly falling asleep, but hey made plans for a little party. Off didn’t want to go out in a club again and so a house party needed to be organized.

**Gun Atthaphan created ‘Party’ group**

**Gun Atthaphan added you**

TT: _Heeeey, what’s up!?_

WN: _Party? I’m in._

GA: _Me and Papii want to celebrate the success of the fan meeting. We need a house to hold the party though._

NT: _I’m in too._

TT: _When will it be?_

OJ: _These days. Actually we thought about tomorrow, if possible._

AW: _Yeah I would love to join!_

EP: _I never say no to a paaaaarty!!_

TJ: _Still need to see if I have time._

MC: _Same here. Me and Toptap are filming these days._

WN: _We can use my house, I will send my family on vacation for 2 days. Hahahaah_

GA: _@Off Jumpol should I add Krist and Singto?_

NT: _Don’t even ask, Gun! We need them with us too._

**Gun Atthaphan added Krist Perawat**

**Gun Atthaphan added Singto Prachaya**

GA: _Great, thanks man! @White Nawat_

TT: _Can Joss also join?_

OJ: _Yeah bring along whoever you want, White’s house is huge._

EP: _Also girls? Or is it a men’s round?_

GA: _As you want._

SP: _I’m in guys. But Krist might me busy…_

NT: _Why do you know Krist’s schedule so well…_

KP: _Neeew, shut up. I cannot join, I’m out of town these days. Drink for me Singto._

SP: _As if…_

GA: _Great! Me and Papii bring everything. Let’s say 7 pm?_

So the next day the friends gathered at White’s house. Gun was shopping before and so Off’s car was full of a big amount of snacks, soft drinks and alcohol.

“Don’t drink too much.” Off said as they arrived and unpacked the things. “Haa! This applies for you, Papii.”

“Gun is right, you should be the one to be careful, you never drink.” Arm, who was already there and gave the two a hand unpacking, laughed and clapped on Off’s shoulder.

Gradually everybody arrived and so Off found himself in the huge living room on the similar huge couch crowded by his friends and some more people they brought along. Many chatted enthusiastically and also he himself enjoyed his conversation with Arm and Singto.

“….yes and then I thought he forgot the dance steps, but gladly he could rely on Gun and everything was fine!”

“Yeahh.” Off laughed at Arm’s impression of their performance.

“I think you and Gun complete each other really good.” Singto added. “You can always count on each other when working and your chemistry is unbelievable!”

Arm nodded and Off only shrugged. “Yeah we are a good team.” His gaze wandered to Gun who sat close to Tay, New and Joss. Gun was laughing a lot that evening, nearly as much as Tay, although the older one was unbeatable. Off was so glad his little friend was happy and enjoyed this.

Off was lost in his thoughts about Gun and so he didn’t hear what Arm replied to Singto’s statement with a dreaming smile.

(“I think they are made for each other.”)

So hours passed and all people found themselves getting a little drunk now. Or a lot.

“Waaaaaaiiit whaaaaat!?” New screamed out of the nowhere. All eyes turned to him, Tay and Joss. Tay shushed him.

“New what the heck? Guys, it’s all fine, continue talking, he drank too much already.” And so they continued their talk in silence.

Gun in the meantime changed place and talked with Mild, White and his girlfriend he brought along. The two girls knew each other and so they stuck together all the time.

Observing Gun, Off was again surprise what a lady’s magnet Gun was. All the girls from GMMTV liked him and loved being around him. Did they have a strange sixth sense and knew he was gay? Off shook his head about that weird thought.

“Can you help me for a moment in the kitchen, Off.” Arm indicated him to follow him and so Off stood up, already feeling the alcohol a little bit.

As they reached the kitchen, Arm immediately started speaking. “I know you really well Off and I already saw some difference at the rehearsals for the fan meeting, but now I’m really sure. You and Gun are finally together right??” And Arm smiled as a if he would burst any second.

“Whaaat.” Off’s voice was way too high and he himself knew Arm noticed the lie. He cleared his throat. “What are you saying, hahahh of course not.”

“You are a bad liar Off.”

“No it’s true, we aren’t boyfriends…”

“But?” Off cursed his friend for knowing him so well. He sighed.

“Ahh, it’s difficult. I need to start from the beginning. I kind of fell…”

Suddenly Tay opened the kitchen door with wide eyes. “Off something weird is happening. New and Gun just went to the bathroom together.”

“Tay, what should that mean? Are you drunk?” Arm was confused as hell. Also Off couldn’t really follow what Tay was saying. And in fact, Tay was drunk, a lot actually and so it was hard for him to explain what he wanted to say.

“I mean not the fact itself, but Off! New made some little innuendos about your feelings and I tried to stop him all the time. I don’t know why, but he seemed eager to let Gun know. Me and Joss left them for a moment. And when we came out of the bedroom, I only saw them go inside the bathroom.”

Off was in shock. What if New was going to tell Gun about his feelings? He would be fucked. Off quickly turned around and headed to the bathroom. He only heard Arm ask: “Do I want to know why you and Joss were in the bedroom together?” He had a good point, Off thought, but as soon as he reached the bathroom door he froze. What shall he do or say? Maybe it was false alarm and they just went in there to vomit?

“Gun wait!” As he heard New scream his friends name, Off already had the door in his face.

“Ooouch.” He exclaimed and only blurredly saw Gun hurry to the door.

“Off…” New tried to say something but the older guy already ran after Gun. 

Gun was fast and so he already reached the parking lot when Off could finally catch him.

“Gun wait!!” Off grabbed Gun’s arm and took hold of him.

“What is happening? What did New tell you? Listen it’s not true, please…” Off expected tears in Gun’s eyes but what he saw was even worse. He saw anger and disappointment. It broke Off’s heart and tears started filling his eyes.

“It’s not true you say?! But you know what, it makes a lot of sense. It fits with the things that changed between us, it fits with the things you said and made me wonder.”

“No…Gun…” Off felt his voice cracking. “It’s not as you think…”

“You tell me New just invented it?”

Off only shook his head and felt tears stream down his face. He couldn’t say anything since he felt his lungs had no air left.

“Just please tell me that it is not true, that you are not in love with me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> At this point I wanna note another time that there will be some "missing scenes" in the end. Because especially in this chapter again, many things where unheard and unseen by Off (our perspective). :)


	15. No matter how much that I have tried

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry that the chapter only comes now and that it's only a short one. I had my last exam yesterday and so I only could write now! Enjoy <3

“I can’t tell you that, because it would be a lie.” Off managed to say, after swallowing down the lump in his throat. He stopped crying because he didn’t want Gun to see him like that. So weak.

“Why didn’t you tell me? Shit, Papii, we are fucking for month now! I was already wondering why you suddenly are okay with sleeping with me - a guy, but that explains it now! Aaaiii…”

Off was only standing there, not understanding what was happening here. Why was Gun so freaking angry? It hurt enough, why additionally get screamed at?

“I’m sorry…” Off couldn’t think of anything else to say. He really felt bad and sorry for loving Gun, but he couldn’t do anything against it.

“You know what? I will go home now, I’m sorry to leave you alone with that, but I just…I don’t know right now, what is worse. That you love me or that you didn’t tell me. We could have talked and looked for a solution.”

The little man had so much energy that moment and made Off feel so small. Gun then turned around and went to his car. 

In that moment Off’s world broke in pieces. He never confessed to Gun, because he exactly knew that something like this might happen if Gun didn’t love him back. Off turned around and wanted to return to the house. But he felt so weak and his head started spinning. Then everything turned black.

The next thing he remembers is finding himself in someone’s arms. Someone was actually carrying him? He slowly rose his head and saw Tay walking next to him, or rather next to the person carrying him. 

“Tay…”

“Off, wait! Joss put him here on the bed. Here we go, slowly…”

As Off felt the soft mattress under him, he relaxed and breathed deeply. The he opened his eyes and saw Joss. Ah yes, he would be able to carry him.

“What happened?”

“That’s what we were about to ask! Man, we followed you shortly after you ran out and only saw Gun leaving and the next second you fell to the ground.”

Off suddenly remembered. Gun. The way he screamed at him. The disappointment in his eyes.

“Gun found out. You were right New told him. He didn’t take it well.” Off swallowed, then added: “I want to go home now.” Off became silent at the end and tried to compose himself, having the urge to cry again.

Tay helped him get up.

“Joss I will take him home. I’ll call you later.”

Off pressed his eyes together as soon as he took hold of Tay’s hand. He couldn’t let the tears out yet, not when he still needed to face the others, so he didn’t see how Joss affectionately carressed Tay’s cheek as goodbye.

Arm then came and whispered something to Tay, who answered him similar silent. Arm gently hugged Off and returned then in the living room with them. Tay told the group that Off was not feeling well, while Off half hid behind him and then they went to the car. The ride was in total silence. After what felt eternity for Off, they arrived at Tay’s condo.

“Come, you’ll sleep here tonight.”

Off followed Tay apathic. Tay nearly had to pull him in the right direction. He guided him to the couch and needed to press him down.

“Can you talk?” Tay was so concerned for his friend. He had no idea what happened. Also if New told Gun about Off’s feelings, why should he react so bad, that Off even fainted? He felt like he was missing something.

“We can also only talk tomorrow. I see you are exhausted, maybe you should sleep it over and tomorrow you can tell me with a clear head.” Off nodded and smiled thankfully. They headed to the bedroom. Tay handed Off some cozy cloths and also changed into his sleeping outfit. 

After wishing a good night, Tay was about to leave when Off said: “Where are you going?”

“I will sleep in the living room.”

“No please stay here…if you don’t mind.”

So Tay returned and lay down in his bed next to Off.

Fortunately, they both slept well. Off still woke up with a headache, but it could have been worse. They had breakfast and then settled on the couch again. 

“Okay, as far as I know you only know that me and Gun had sex that night when we were really drunk, right?” Tay nodded and furrowed his brows.

“We did it again. And not only once.” 

Tay’s eyes widened. 

“What? Wow, okay? I thought you wouldn’t do that…I thought just being fuck friends wasn’t what you wanted?” Tay sounded a little fierce, maybe because he was really surprised.

“Of course, I would always want a real relationship, but I guess I took what Gun gave me and that was sex and friendship. Just no love…” Off stopped, feeling his chest hurt again.

“Hey Off, I’m sorry, I get you somehow.” Tay took hold of his hand again. 

“So you had sex every now and then these past month?” Off nodded. 

“Oh, so that’s why Gun’s reaction was so heavy when New told him. He felt fooled in some way. I’m not taking his side, but now I can understand the situation…”

“I really just don’t know how things should go on now. That I’m hurt is not the main point. I’m able to go on with our couple and pretend that everything is fine, I guess. I just don’t want Gun to hate me! He is so important to me.”

“Okay, the best thing is we wait and see what will happen next. Maybe he is just a little drama queen again and in a few days everything will be fine again. Do you have some work with him these days? Or is Schoolrangers the next big event?”

“Luckily not. And at Schoolrangers we aren’t OffGun, only Off and Gun, we hardly interact, that’s okay.”

“Good. In case we could meet him these days and talk it through, I can come along if you want that.” Off nodded. “Maybe we should…we’ll see.”

They also spend the day together, watching TV and talking about banal things, so that Off at least didn’t think about what happened yesterday.

“Can I ask you something Tay?”

As they were eating some pizza, Off suddenly asked that. Tay was a little confused but said: “Of course, everything.”

“What is going on between you and Joss?” And Off smiled. Tay immediately blushed and grabbed his bottle to drink something, avoiding answering.

“Haaaa you are shy! There is something going on!” Off grinned widely now, being really happy for his friend.

“Don’t make fun of me man! Okay, yes I like him. Are you happy now?” Tay tried to make a face and act pissed but then he smiled as he thought of his acting partner. “Well, while filming we came quite close and then I felt so good in his company. He is so good looking, and I never thought that he could like me back. I didn’t even know if he was also interested in boys…”

“Why does this sound like you were thought wrong?”

Tay started playing with the tap of the bottle and smiled. “Because we kissed yesterday.”

Off’s eyes grew wide and he couldn’t help but grin and then even scream a little. “Ohhh Tay, shit, how was it? How come?”

“It was right before I came to the kitchen to tell you…” Tay stopped and hoped that Off wouldn’t think about Gun. Off nodded and indicated Tay it was okay.

“Well at the party we talked a lot, also with the others, but then Joss said he wants to tell me something and we headed to the bedroom. We sat on the bed and then he just grabbed me and kissed me. It was wonderful and different from our kisses in the series. We couldn’t talk about it really yet, but I feel so happy Off!”

There was silence after that, but it was a good one. Tay was in his thoughts and smiled like crazy. Off also was indescribably happy for his friend. If he was right, it was Tay’s first real kiss, one he didn’t accomplish for a series. Although Off didn’t know how things with the two will develop, seeing his best friend like this, was the happiest he has been in ages.


	16. Shortly I'll disappear

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FIRST I used a lot of real 'Schoolympics' moments, so look them up on youtube if you want! :) Also I totally ignored some positive OffGun moments there to fit it with the story. Sorry...  
> SECOND I changed the rating from E to M because I found out there won't be much sex anymore. *cry*  
> THIRD I also put Tay and Joss into the tags and made some changes there.
> 
> Enjoy <3

Some days passed and Off didn’t hear anything from Gun. Also he wasn’t eager to take Tay’s offer and meet up with Gun, he was so afraid of what could happen. Also he couldn’t take it, if Gun would not accept a talk. 

So Off didn’t feel good, not at all. Nonetheless he had to do his work and that consisted now of the preparations for the Schoolympics. He was so glad he and Gun were no couple there, they even were in different teams, so it should be fine.

But it was not fine.

Before the actual show with audience, all the Rangers met up for a final information day and some last things were explained and fixed.

And that was when he saw Gun again. And a shimmering ring on his hand. What was this?! He knew most of his friend’s jewelry and such a shining thing he would remember for sure! He couldn’t help but wonder. Why would Gun buy such a ring now out of the nowhere? His thoughts were interrupted by Nicky who started to moderate the run through.  
They spent hours listening and also placing some ideas for possible jokes, but finally it was over and Off just wanted to leave. And he did. He didn’t wait for anybody, since he couldn’t risk to meet Gun, who didn’t even give him one look the whole day. 

At home he tried to collect his thoughts. Tomorrow he should be acting fine. He was lucky there were so many people around and the focus wouldn’t be on him and Gun all the time. Suddenly he heard a peeping from his phone.

_Heyy man, why did you leave so fast?_

Arm wrote him. What should he answer? After deleting some messages, he decided to keep it short.

_The meeting was over and I wanted to go home, see you tomorrow anyways :)_

The night was short, because as soon as Off lay in his bed, the picture of Gun and especially his decorated hand wouldn’t leave his mind.

The alarm clock pulled him out of sleep. He sat up abruptly and noticed he sweated. Shiit! He dreamed that Gun came to him and announced he was engaged to someone else. Off wiped his face and tried to get rid of that thought. Gun would not have slept with him if he was in a relationship, right? But what about that ring, that looked like a fucking expensive engagement ring?

Off had no time to think about it anymore, he needed to shower and get ready to reach the studio in time.

As soon as he arrived, Tay and Arm came to him and pulled him in a corner. All three of them wore different colored shirts since they lead the three teams.

“Off, are you doing fine?” Arm asked and Tay looked really concerned.

“Guys! I’m okay!” Off felt a little bothered, but also appreciated his friend’s concern. “I can do it, okay. I’m an actor, aren’t I?” and he smiled to convince his friends of his capability.

So the games started and also his mood lifted, since he actually had fun. Nonetheless he couldn’t stop himself from looking at Gun most of the time. The little one looked so good. His shirt was two sizes too big as usual but Off knew what was below that and it made him crazy. Also the trousers were quite tight and as soon as Gun lifted his shirt he could see the beautiful curve of his ass. Shiiiit! He shouldn’t look at that and also not think about such things here and now. 

“…ff, Off!” He turned and saw that New was talking to him.

“Off can I talk to you since we have a break now? I wanted already yesterday but you left so fast! I never wanted-”

“New just leave it. Okay? I’m not really mad, just let’s not talk now.” And so Off turned away.

“I’ll make it up again.” New whispered and Off only shook his head.

The first games passed, and Off’s team was losing again. Off laughed. This was so classic, but he didn’t bother that much. What bothered him much more was how Nammon was hugging Gun and placing his head on his shoulder! What was happening there? Since when were they close? If it was Tay, he would have been fine (well not now, since Tay knew what Off was going through) but Nammon??

Off was boiling inside. He knew he had no right to claim Gun as his private self, but still he was his couple partner and then one should not cuddle him like that! As soon as they changed position in the studio Off didn’t think long and approached Nammon from behind, slapped his head and ran away quickly. Omg. What did he think? Nothing obviously. As usual when it is about Gun.

The game went on and the situation didn’t really change. He admired Gun a lot for his skills, he could manage everything. And he himself struggled at the simplest things.

They had a break again, when Off noticed that Tay was sitting with Gun and White and having a good time. Of shouldn’t be angry at all, Tay was Gun’s friend too and they had no problems. Still Off felt a little betrayed because he had hoped to have his two friends behind him. 

It was already the second time, because earlier Gun was sleeping in Arm’s lap and that in front of Off’s eyes. He even turned in a way that Off had perfect view on his ass. Did he do it on purpose? Was this little devil provoking him? 

And now Gun was there sitting with his friend Tay. Off’s mind switched off again and he asked Krist for the ball. He approached Tay and hit him with the ball. He turned around confused, but Off left again. 

Off was no aggressive person, not at all. He took most things in life with ease and tried to be friends with most people. But today he felt so angry! He was hurt as hell and instead of being sad and crying it seemed it turned out to be aggression. Nonetheless Off did well in his moderation parts and on camera all went smoothly.

During one of the breaks Off observed a funny scene. Some of the guys were messing with Godji and playing around. He wondered since they even went so far to push her and Mike on the ground and…well what exactly? Pushing them together? Since White was standing next to him, Off decided to ask him what happened there.

“Weelll…” White smirked. “We tried to push together what belongs to each other.” He winked and Off was confused. Godji and Mike? Normally he would ask further and even go directly to his friends, but he had way too much on his mind and so he just sealed the topic. Maybe Arm knew something, he should ask him later. 

The shooting already lasted for some hours and Off noticed that Gun was getting tired as usual after a long day. His little man was not made for so much work. Well, Gun always had so much energy and jumped around all the time, so it was no surprise he was outpowered at some point.

Gun was playing with Godji, while Off talked to Leo. Off saw from the corner of his eye that suddenly New ran to Gun and grabbed him. He lifted him up easily and after a little confusion Gun grabbed New’s neck to hold himself better. Off tried to not look at their direction. What was going on again? Why did New do that? Suddenly the two were next to him and before Off could even understand New handed him Gun as if he was a little child. Instinctively Off opened his arms to catch Gun before he could fall down, but he couldn’t take a good hold on him and then Gun was on his own feet again. Off avoided looking Gun in his eyes and so he was not even surprised when the little one walked away immediately. 

Off could slap himself again. Instead of being nice and trying to interact with Gun he was so dumb and closed his heart. That was, what New wanted to do to help him? Force Gun into his arms? Dumb.

In the break before the final Off knew that the fans wanted to take some pictures from their favorite couples. Tay and New were already posing and cuddling in front of their fan block and so Off went to Gun to get him. He placed his hand on his shoulder and tried to lead him to the front. Suddenly Gun broke away from him. Gun looked hurt. Why did he look so sad? Wasn’t it Off who got heartbroken? Off also looked down. His heart broke again a little. It hurt even a little more, but in a different way, as he saw how Gun struggled standing. He was totally exhausted. Off couldn’t do anything but feel bad for him. He loved Gun and wanted nothing more than hug him and make him feel good.

Then Godji came, pushed them together and lead them to the front. They both started smiling and waving and being the happy couple, their fans expected them to be.

Then the show was over and Off’s violet team was the loser again. As usual Gun punished Off. This time it was not so bad, although he was dirty from head to toe. So he and most of the other guys took a shower at the sanity station at the studio. Off only hoped to avoid Gun and stuck to Tay and Arm.

“Ohh, Arm I wanted to ask you before! You could know. What is going on between Mike and Godji? White said some weird things.”

“Hmm. I don’t know if I am entitled to say what I know, but yes. They are what you think they are.” Arm grinned. 

“Guys what is going on?” Tay asked confused but laughed. Arm just smacked his head and pulled him to the shower. Off also chuckled.

After cleaning up and changing, the friends said goodbye to the others and left. 

“Are you here with your car?” Tay asked shyly.

“Yes, should I take you with me?”

“Emmm, yeah thanks. Actually, somebody should pick me up, but he just wrote he couldn’t make it.” Tay sounded a little sad but smiled then.

They waved goodbye to Arm and were about to leave when they heard someone shouting. 

“Taaaaay!” Off recognized Gun’s voice immediately and they turned around.

“Tay wait you forgot your bottle.” Gun handed him a bottle and Tay was confused. How was this supposed to be his bottle? Well it could be, but it was a plastic bottle as every other and he didn’t need it anymore.

“Okay, thanks I guess.” Gun also seemed to understand how stupid he looked, since he pouted a little bit and scratched his head. So they stood there in silent. 

Off had enough of standing there being afraid to look at Gun and so he grabbed Tay and pulled him to the car.

“Bye Tay!” Gun screamed. Off was opening his car door in the moment he heard Gun saying goodbye to Tay and not to him. He squeezed his hand bitterly around the hand gear. He needed to compose himself, only until he delivered Tay home. As soon as he sat down and was about to close the door, he felt a barrier. Why couldn't he close it? He looked up and saw Gun standing there right in front of him and holding the door. 

“Bye Papii…” Then Gun turned around and ran away, leaving a confused Off behind.


	17. The night you're lonely

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was not sure if I should divide this chapter in two, but I just left it like this ;)

Off started the car and Tay started talking immediately: “I’m glad he said something to you too. How are things going?”

“Hmm. Not good, it seems. He more or less ignored me today, I was surprised he came to say goodbye.” Off turned on the radio and tried to think about something else than Gun.

Shortly before he arrived at Tay’s condo the latter said: “I will say it again, you should talk with Gun. As far as I know you are doing a special episode of OffGun Fun Night at Christmas. Until then things need to be better. I know you two are great actors, but the fans could still see when you had a fight.” 

Off nodded and Tay patted his shoulder before leaving the car. Off looked after his friend and saw a guy stand in front of the building. Tay approached him hurriedly and hugged him tightly. Shit, Off totally forgot to ask Tay how he and Joss were doing, having only his own problems in mind.

The next weeks passed and soon it was middle of December and luckily Gun started messaging with him again. It wasn’t much and all really aloof. He didn’t mention anything about Off’s feelings or their previous “encounters”. 

Off was lying in bed. It was only 9 pm but he didn’t know what to do and so he lay there and let his thoughts wander. He really needed to get rid of his feelings for Gun. Tomorrow they would shoot their OffGun Fun Night Christmas Special, so he needed to behave normally. The producer planned most of the show as usual and they received their text, which Off knew already. Godji would be their guest. Exacrly her! The person who knew him and Gun by heart and observed everything her actors did with a shipping eye. She will sense that something was wrong! 

Although Off’s thoughts were racing, he suddenly fell asleep only to get woken up the next morning by the annoying sound of his alarm clock. Luckily he had a dreamless night and so he got ready for the show with a good mood.

“Maaaee!!” Gun screamed as Godji entered their studio. Off was the first one to be there only for Gun to arrive some minutes after him. At least he greeted him with a shy hi. Off tried to smile and hoped Gun would talk some more but he looked at his phone immediately. Only when Godji arrived Gun jumped up and ran to her. Also Off greeted and and soon they started.

All went smoothly and since Godji was talking a lot and making good jokes, Off could rest a little and his attention often wandered to Gun. Gun, who was wearing jogging trousers, as he himself, and a giant Christmas sweater. 

How could he be so fucking cute? Also he seemed pale today and in contrast to his beautiful red lips he was just beautiful. But, he was still pale and not in a good way. Off saw that he was tired, and it was only noon, normally it would take Gun a day of intense shooting to reach that state. 

The next thing that Off observed, as they were sitting in front of the Christmas tree, was Gun’s ring. He didn’t wear it at the Schoolympics, obviously being in the way when playing sports. But now it was blinking at his finger again and it made Off crazy. Why did Gun present it so openly, as if he wanted everybody to see it? He should ask Gun later, maybe it could be a good start for a talk.

They planned some games as usual, but this time he and Gun had to play and not their guests. The cup game. Shit, Off was going to be really close to Gun. As he heard the starting tone, Off didn’t hesitate long and gripped Gun by his shoulders to guide him. At the second cup Godji was making the classic joke by pulling away the cup as soon as they came close together. Off could have slapped her in that moment. Not because he didn’t want to kiss Gun, but actually because in that little moment, when Gun’s lips were only a few centimeters away from his and looking so kissable, Off didn’t want anything else but to kiss them. But he controlled himself and smiled at Godji. Also Gun didn’t bother touching him and so they actually managed to build that tower. Off was super surprised because normally they would fail in such a challenge. Maybe he and Gun didn’t lose all their chemistry and everything could return as it was before?

The next two games proved Off wrong. It could never return to how it was before.

Right after Godji told them that the next game requires closeness, Off came closer and hugged Gun, so that she could bind them together with the snake. Off felt whole. Gun in his arms was so perfect, he didn’t feel his touch in ages. He was so small and cute and Off wanted to caress him and make him feel good. Thinking about how Gun looked today, so tired and weak, this urge grew even stronger. But they had to play that game. After the signal they both started to jump and shake and try to get rid of the balls in the box. Off tried to focus on the game but he struggled. Gun screaming and their movement started to make him drift away to the things they did in bed. Okay, just don’t get aroused now, Off was thinking. He then grab Gun and lifted him in his arms. Why did he do that!? He was rather weak and needed to put him down after some seconds. Well at least he could avoid more closer contact that way.

They both were exhausted afterwards.

The second game was similar. They were again so fucking close and even got wrapped up pressed together. Funnily both he and Gun placed their hands on the other’s ass and were now fixed there. Why did this happen again? He must have bad karma. Plus, Gun’s mouth touched the beginning of his throat, what was also driving him a little crazy. So Off tried to distract himself by talking and making jokes. 

As they started Off tried his best to finish this game quickly, trying to avoid too much friction at certain lower areas. It worked out well and it was fun actually. After some last words they sent Godji to sleep at the sofa and they fooled around as usual. As they heard the cut from the producer, they got out of bed. 

“I am so tired, but it was fun!” Gun said and Off wasn’t sure he talked with him. Nonetheless he answered: “Yes it was. Godji has the best jokes.” And he smiled. Gun followed. Off’s heart bloomed at their interaction.

“Booooys. That was fun, the fans will love this. Also all our dirty jokes and my OffGun innuendos, perfect!” Godji was really enthusiastic. “Although I would love to chat some more, I have to leave soon.” And she winked.

“You meet someone special?” Gun said knowingly. Godji nodded and went to talk with the camera team.

“So it’s true about Mike?” Off risked talking some more with Gun, who nodded and smiled happily. Also Off was really happy for Godji and Mike. Off was thinking now also about Tay and Joss and wondered why all his friends were getting together these days. 

Suddenly Gun was talking again: “What will you do at Christmas?”

Off was a little surprised to hear Gun ask that. Actually he was surprised a lot. They haven’t talked yet about the things that happened and now Gun wanted to talk about Christmas? 

“I don’t know yet. You?”

“I wanted to invite you to our family dinner.” Suddenly Gun became unsecure. “Only if you want! I want us to be close again.” Off nodded not able to say anything. He was really moved.

“I’ll text you Papii okay? I need to leave now sorry.” And he waved before grabbing his cloth and heading off. Also Off changed to normal cloths and was about to leave when Godji called him.

“Off, can I talk to you again for a second. It won’t be long.” She took him by the arm and pulled him to the corner of the room.

“To make it short and be honest with you: I know what happened between you and Gun.” Off swallowed and looked down. “Listen it’s not my business and even less if it doesn’t affect your work. It doesn’t, as I saw today. You did well. Still I want to propose that you can always talk with me. All of you are my children and I love you the same, also if I care a lot for Gun.” 

She caressed his arm and waited for a reply. Since nothing came out of Off’s mouth she left. Off was deep in thoughts, who told her? Could have been Gun. Well, he also told Tay. And Toptap. And New and Arm also knew some of the story. Shiiiiit, soon the whole GMMTV would know about his feelings!

He headed home and somehow felt a certain loneliness. He never felt that way although he lived alone. Mostly he was happy to have his personal space and some time away from his loud bunch of acting colleagues. Maybe Christmas mood started hitting and also Gun’s offer really affected him. He didn’t celebrate Christmas with his family, most of his friends don’t, but Gun loves it. The decorations, the food and most importantly the presents. He loves getting things but also doesn’t bother spending money for others if it’s important for him.

Off sighed. Thinking about Gun made him so happy. Just the thought of that smile could make him himself beam. Off wanted nothing more than to be with Gun in that moment.  
Off toyed with the idea of going to Arm since he only lived to floors above, but somehow he didn’t feel like that. Without thinking long, he grabbed his phone, wrote a message and sent it immediately.

_I would love to spend Christmas with you and your family. <3_

Off looked at the message and focused on the heart at the end. Was it too much? No, he wanted to confront Gun again with his feelings. Gun knew it now and he should react in some way. They needed to talk, for fuck’s sake!

Then his phone tinged.

_Great!! Just come at 6 to my house and don’t forget a present! ;) ;)_

Off smirked. Typically Gun.

Wait! He needed a present… Off already spent weeks thinking about Gun’s birthday present. He already bought it before they had the fight and so he only needed to surprise Gun in front of the fans and later he gave him his present, without Gun really acknowledging it. Off felt hurt, thinking back these two month.

But now things seem to get better. Off hoped things would get better.

The following week Off looked out for a present. It was so hard because he didn’t know how things were between them. Should it be something expensive? He didn’t want to seem too presumptuous. As he walked through one of many shops he spotted a Tom and Jerry Pullover with a grumpy looking Tom on the front. He loved it immediately and grabbed the biggest size.

As he stood in front of Gun’s house at Christmas day, he inhaled deeply. He felt a little dizzy, since he didn’t eat a lot today, being rather nervous. He checked his bags again to see if he didn’t forget anything. Gun told him and his grandma and sister will be here, since his dad with Gun’s stepmom and little Win would be on a trip. So Off bought some flowers and a sweet teddy bears for the two women.

Off took another breath and then rang the bell. Pim opened him. “Off so nice to see you again!” She hugged him and they entered.

In retrospect Off couldn’t tell what they talked during dinner, since there were just banal topics. Nonetheless the mood was good, the food of Gun’s granny so delicious and Off felt really happy.

“Now let’s unwrap the presents!!” Gun was really excited and headed to the Christmas tree.

Off didn’t expect anything for him lying there and so he was really surprised when two bags had his name on. As Gun opened his presents and giggled as a child, Off opened one of his.

He found a card from Gun’s granny.

_My dear Off!_  
I wish you all the best for your future and I want to thank you so much for taking care of my little Gun. I know it’s not always easy with him, but he really loves you a lot.  
PS He got the same from me as well ;) 

Off felt a tear run down his cheek, but he wiped it away hurriedly. Nobody saw it, he looked in the bag and found a bracelet. It was really beautiful. 

“Yaai! You don’t need to buy me jewelry, it’s too expensive!” Off understood now, what she meant with the PS, she bought them couple bracelets. Off looked at Gun again and saw how the guy already put it on and admired it. Off thought it fitted him, also looking good with THE ring. Yeah he still had no idea about that one.

As soon as Gun’s granny looked to him, Off nodded gratefully and smiled as she did the same.

Nearly all presents were unwrapped. Gun loved his pullover and surprisingly thanked him with a hug! It was the most Gun came close to him these days, disregarding their work and some fan service. 

Lastly Off needed to open his second present, which was from Gun obviously. He carefully opened the box and found a camera inside. It was simple one, small and silver. How did Gun know he wanted to start taking pictures?

“Tay told me.” Gun suddenly said and Off looked up. He was still speechless. Although this model was not one of the best, it was still way too expensive, it wasn’t even his birthday yet! Since Off didn’t move and only looked down at the camera Gun continued: “I hope you like it.”

Off needed to collect himself and some words. “Yeah a lot, thanks so much! Now I feel bad for only giving you a sweater…”

“No it’s perfect. Next time you can buy me a big gift then!” Gun joked but also meant it Off knew.

They spent some more time talking and laughing until Gun’s granny became tired and went to bed. Also Pim went in her room to call some friends. 

“Are you tired too?” Off asked and saw that Gun actually was.

“A little yes.”

“You should also go to sleep. I will drive home then.” Off was starting to pack his things. Somehow he hoped Gun would ask him to stay with him. Sleep over in his room as before.

“Sure? You could sleep on the couch if you are too tired.” The couch. Obviously. Gun wouldn’t let him sleep with him after what happened. Off smiled sadly and shook his head.

“Thanks, but I’m okay. Home is more comfortable.”

Gun accompanied him to the door. Off exited but turned around to see if Gun would say some more. But they both just stood there. 

“Gun I lo-”

From one second to another Gun’s neutral face turned sad, tears filled his eyes and he interrupted Off with a desperate “Papiiii!” He stepped forward and wrapped his arms around Off’s waist. Off didn’t understand what happened and only carressed the crying little man in his arms.

“Sorry, but I miss you! I want us to be close again, I need you with me!” Off was surprised he himself didn’t cry and replied calmly: “I’m so sorry for ruining everything with my feelings.”

“Can you try to return to how it was before please?”

Off nodded and released Gun. He looked at him and his red eyes and swollen lips. He nodded some more, feeling a lump in his throat.

Then he stepped back and after they stared at each other some more, Off left. He reached his car, started the engine and drove away as fast as he could.

He felt numb. The evening was so perfect and gave him hope. Then this. He felt thankful that Gun wanted him back close, but he also begged him to forget his feelings. His mind wanted nothing more than obey, but his heart was totally against that.

As he entered the darkness of his apartment, he again felt again this overwhelming loneliness.


	18. The space you safe for someone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Little inaccuracies concerning the shooting time of "Love from outta space". I don't know about the shooting time actaully, since it was a big secret only until some weeks ago. But since it was posted on youtube for the first time 7 month ago I thought it fits at this time in the story! <3

The following days Off had simply no time to think about Gun that much. The little one wrote him a lot and shared 5 times a day some cute IG posts only to keep some contact with Off. He felt that Gun necessarily wanted to stay close, as he already made clear at Christmas. 

But now Off was just really busy. His birthday was coming up and it was an event as every other. As far as he understood Gun won’t be there to “surprise” him as they did to each other every year. He was okay with that. Of course it would have made him happy but also could make him feel bad again.

Additionally Off was soon starting to film his chapter of “Girl next room”, before he only played in some episodes with Singto. So his days were full of learning script, giving some interviews and attending events. Gun was also busy and so time flew.

Then it was the 20th January and Off woke up only to see hundreds of messages and tags on social media. He ignored them all for now and checked his private messages first. Many friends wrote him, also already in the night right after midnight. In between these people there was also Gun, who wrote to him at 12.03 am.

_Papiiiii! Happy birthday! I’m sorry that we cannot see each other today, but I think about you and wish you a beautiful day with your fans. I am sorry for all the bad and childish things I always do and I hope we stay like this forever! I love you <3_

Hmmm. Off found the message really sweet but reading ‘I love you’ and knowing that Gun didn’t mean it as he did, just hurt.

He got ready and soon arrived at his party location and then the event started. Many people sent video messages and Off felt really happy, also his great fans contributed to his mood, since they were so sweet all the time. When his mom was talking, Off needed to control himself. Damn, he didn’t want to cry today, he just couldn’t. Did he spend too little time with his family? Don’t get guilty now, he said to himself. They always said he should do what makes him happy and try his best to achieve that. And he was doing that now, so his family for sure was happy for him!

After a short break the program went on, but suddenly the door opened and Jennie came on stage. What was she doing here? Wait when Jennie is here, that means Gun was coming?! And as Off was only thinking it, the little man came through the door, carrying a cake with a lit candle.  
Gun looked as if he only arrived some seconds ago, still holding his bag and looking a little chaotic. The glasses he was wearing made him look so cute. Off’s heart started racing. Gun was here. His Gun. It was already nearly a month that they didn’t see each other and Off felt the effects. The fans were singing again as Gun made his way to Off. As he arrived Off folded his hands and closed his eyes to make another wish.  
_I wish he would love me back._  
Off blew it out quickly and tried to collect himself. After some pics and posing, Gun started his speech. Off was so nervous. Well Gun said some nice things, but what else could he say in front of fans? Jennie kept moderating and making jokes as Gun bend to him and started whispering in his ear.

“I’m sorry to have lied to you, but I wanted to surprise you.” Off only nodded. And Gun kept whispering to him. The next things he said made Off laugh a little and he also whispered back. Ooohh the fans will be curious about what is going on! Also Jennie came closer to listen to what they were talking. Off found it funny.

So that day ended too and Off was more or less happy.

The next day he and Gun had to show up at BabyBright headquarter. It was a very spontaneous appointment and so Off was in hurry since he had shootings at noon.

“Guys, I wanted to tell you that we would make an advertisement movie with you two. It will be the same type as the one of KristSingto a few years ago. They two also filmed a second part these days that will air soon. The idea is already done but we will need another week to finish everything and then we would start shooting around end of February.”

Both Off and Gun were really surprised but nodded enthusiastically. 

“I would love to act again with Papii!” And Off agreed.

“That was unexpected.” Off said as they left the building.

Gun was beaming of happiness. “Totally! But I’m so looking forward to it!” 

“So, I have to leave now, since we are filming at the outside set I have to drive some time. See you!” Off waved goodbye to Gun, who was standing now alone at the big parking lot. His car only a few meters away, but he stood still, looking after Off who was observing him through his back mirror until he was too far away so see him any longer.

“Hey sorry I had an appointment.” Off excused himself and headed to Mild. “Morning my lady!” Mild smiled at him and Off joined. 

“Off! Great that you are here now. Let’s read the lines before starting.”

The shooting went really well, the crew was doing a great job and his co actors were all professional and good fun to work with. As they called it a day, Off decided to make an IG story. He hardly ever made private ones, most of his posts were advertisement or Tay taking pics of him and reminding him to post some. 

“Miiiiild! Come here, let’s make a story.” She ran immediately to him. “Look who is getting warm with the modern media.” She said ironically, but somehow she was right. Off didn’t use it a lot and was not so invested. Not like Gun, he was a social media king.

So the two made a boomerang and took some silly pics. Off added some tags and posted it. 

As soon as he arrived home, he was really tired. The day was long. He did his evening routine and soon went to lie in his bed. Already a lot of people reacted to his story, also Gun, he noticed.

_I hope filming is going well. <3_

_When will you get home tonight?_

_Oh maybe it’s late until you read my messages. Good night!_

_How do you feel about Mild? Do you like her?_

Off looked at the time when the messaged where sent. The first two right after he posted the story, the next one half an hour later, around the time Off started home from the set. And the last one was only 5 minutes old. 

What was Gun intending with this question? Off sighed and wiped his face. This sounded so like jealousy, because Gun knew Mild and he also knew that she and Off were good friends. Period. Why asking such things?

 _Yeah I only arrived home some minutes ago, all went well thanks._

Off clicked on sending. Then was thinking if he should react on Gun’s last message. He was a little angry. Gun knew about his feelings for him and still asked such things!?

_Mild is a good friend. What do you mean??_

Gun didn’t answer. So Off decided to go to sleep at some point.

The next morning he saw Gun’s short answer. 

_Sorry I know that of course :’( I just wanted to ask. Wish you a good shooting this week <3_

Off felt bad now. But why? He did nothing wrong. Gun was hurting him and still he felt as if he owed him an explanation or be sorry to shoot with Mild. This little devil! 

Off rose and got ready for today. They again shot in the woods as yesterday. As soon as he re-read today’s scene at breakfast, he remembered that today there’ll be the kiss. Off was okay since he knew it will only be a short peck and he actually only needed to act surprised. Still they will need to do it a few times for sure.

Off’s last kisses were with Gun, on camera and in real life. He didn’t want to kiss anybody else than him. But he was an actor and so he had to go through such things and act professionally!

And he did. It was no big deal in the end. Mild was so great, she immediately noticed his nervousness and distracted him with some jokes. While filming Off noticed that Mild was also really pretty, but not as Gun. Nobody was like Gun for him. 

“Huuu we did it Off!” Mild punched him brotherly at the shoulder and pulled him to reality again. She smiled and stood up and helped Off to exit the tent. 

“Do you know what I find really funny?” Mild said laughing hard. Off shook his head and indicated Mild to continue. “You and Tay kissed. Hahahahaha well indirectly! Waaaaait that means also Tay kissed Gun! Oh my, I love that!”

Off also smirked but more about Mild and her reaction than about the fact itself. Well yeah it was true, but was it funny? Luckily Tay was his friend and as far as he understood he was with Joss right? So luckily no reason for jealousy.

The last few days of filming were demanding but they had a lot of fun. 

In the meantime, Off also received the script of the BabyBight advertisement movie and was really surprised about the topic. Aliens. Seriously? Otherwise the story was sweet as usual. Also their roles were the same as usual. Gun’s character falling in love with his and he being dumb not feeling anything back. Although the ending was a hopeful one.  
No fan would believe him that in reality it was the other way around. He being helpless in love and Gun a little bitch hurting him. He shouldn’t think about Gun in that way, he cannot force his feelings.

There were scheduled only two days of shooting, which should be enough for a 20 minutes short film.

He and Gun met a few times before the shooting, but only for events and interviews. They also had lunch together once. The reason they met that time, was that their clip for Cornetto was airing. The crew asked them to watch it together and there was also an interview right after. Since they were both hungry Gun insisted to go to a fancy restaurant. “We didn’t go eating in ages Papii!”

The mood during lunch was okay and they had some nice talk. Of course they had, they were on the same wavelength. Still Off had this low-spirited feeling with Gun. What should he do? Gun didn’t like him back and he couldn’t stop loving him. 

“I liked the advertisement a lot! It’s soooo cute.” Gun smiled and Off huffed. He liked the video a lot too. But their stories where all the same for fuck’s sake!

“How come our shows always follow the same pattern?! I mean it’s always poor Gun falling in love with me and hurting and luckily in the end dumb Off finds out what I would miss. Why?” Off raised his voice a little, but still unable to be heard by the people around them. 

“It’s not that way in real life! In reality it’s me who is fucking hurt!” Off felt a tear run down his cheek and wiped it quickly. He became really emotional suddenly. 

“Sorry…” Gun still didn’t say anything. Only had big puppy eyes and looked sad.

“Sorry.” Off repeated again. Then he tried to give Gun a smile. “Let’s continue to eat please.”

Off put some food in his mouth and was cursing himself for acting as he did. He didn’t dare to look up, but saw that Gun was still not moving. Only after some minutes also he continued eating. They kept silent and left soon.

“So see you next week then… for the shoot right?” Gun said unsure as they were about to part, both heading to their car. Off nodded and waved goodbye.

On his was home he felt again so exhausted. Gun and his feelings for him were taking a toll on him and he only wanted to go to bed now.

The day of shooting came faster than expected and he found himself at the set. It was only a little house since most of the movie was filmed in the living room. All went well until now and they had fun. 

They were shooting the TV scene and while saying his well-studied lines Off only realized the big meaning of them.

“On earth these two genders they love one another.”

“Love? What is love?"

“Love is when we want to be in relationship with someone and we want to share our feelings with them. Whether it’s happiness, joyful moment or even sad moment we still wanna take a good care of them and be close to them.” Off tried not to think how much this applied to his feelings for Gun.

“Human love sounds like a beautiful thing.” It is, Off thought.

“It’s complicated, you wouldn’t understand. When we love someone, but we are far apart, it really hurts you know? Never mind you won’t understand.” Gun wouldn’t understand indeed.

“Humans are complicate. Beautiful things like love, why does it have to be limit by genders?” Gun was right, it shouldn’t be that way, sadly way too many people are against same sex relationships. But it seemed that slowly things were getting better, especially in their country.

The scene continued and then Gun pursed his lips to kiss him, of course Off should decline and be averted. His private self though wanted to kiss him again after that long time…

Off appreciated Gun’s acting today a lot. He liked this character. The alien who came to earth to learn and finds himself fall in love. Especially this motif of heart beating and Gun touching his chest made Off feel strange. It’s actually him - Off - who feels that way and so he can sympathize perfectly with Gun’s role.

The next day they continued and things ran smoothly again. His character got sick and discovered Gun’s warmth. Touching his lean body again felt good also if only for a few seconds. Not to mention placing his head on Gun’s shoulder. Off felt whole and wished this moment to last forever. Then he even lay on Gun’s lap! His heart was racing again and he wished for another take but they continued the scene. He sat up and Gun heated a piece of pizza for him. Then he looked at him and so Off handed the piece to him. Gun smiled.

“I love Off.” Off had no time to enjoy these words since he needed to act shocked. Why did they need to use their real names for this movie? Hearing these words made him unbelievably happy and sad.

“Are you crazy?”

“No, I’m not crazy, I really love you. But you if you love someone just tell them the truth before it’s too late.”

Off thought long about these words. As they finished shooting and chatting a little with the crew, Off sat down on a chair. Would have things been different if he confessed to Gun right waya when he discovered his feelings? Or at least after they ended up in bed? He didn’t know and it made no difference now if he found himself thinking about the ‘What if’s.  
Later they left together and headed to the parking lot.

“Can you drive me home? I came with the taxi….Or else I’ll call one, I don’t mind.” Gun asked and looked at him with big eyes. Could Off say no to him? Never.

“Of course.” Off thought for a moment and then added. “You can also crash at my place if you are okay with that.” Actually he was not eager to drive all way to Gun’s house and back.

“I would love that if you don’t mind. Thanks Papii!” Gun went to him and hugged him tightly. Then he hesitated but did the usual: He stretched, was on his tiptoes and placed a long kiss on Off’s throat near his jawline.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will have a little snack for all who are already hungry already after so many sexless chapters! ^^


	19. I can't replace

The kiss made Off shiver and so he released the hug and made his way to the car, Gun followed shortly behind. They were silent during the drive, since Off needed to concentrate and Gun checked his phone anyways. Arrived at Off’s apartment they warmed some pizza in the microwave and sat in front of the TV to eat.

Off felt good in Gun’s presence. Although something felt different as he thought about it. Gun was really calm and didn’t talk much. Normally the little guy was really lively and acted that way only when tired and with people around he didn’t feel comfortable with. Was he making Gun feel uncomfortable? He wasn’t, right? Off needed to see if Gun was doing okay and so he tried to start a conversation, but he just didn’t find anything.

Off was really surprised as Gun suddenly started the conversation. Off had already finished his pizza but Gun still had two pieces left. “Papii do you want some pizza?” And he handed him a piece. 

Off looked at him with a questioning face. “Are you joking?” Gun looked confused now. “What do you mean?”

“The pizza. Remember what we shot just some hours ago. And what the pizza stood for. Just don’t rub in the wound.” Off looked away, feeling his heart beating, since he actually didn’t want to be so harsh to Gun. But he needed to protect himself and make it clear to Gun that it was not okay.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean it in a bad way! Sorry…” Gun sounded desperate and so Off turned back to face him and nod. “It’s okay.”

“No! It’s not.” Gun added seriously. He changed position so he faced Off totally and came closer. “I am so sorry. I hurt you all the time just because I don’t come to terms with your feelings. Shiiit, Papii…”

It was the first time Gun mentioned something in this direction and it made Off feel a little better. At least Gun was trying to improve something and not ignoring anymore. He also turned to Gun and now they were sitting cross-legged looking each other in the eyes.

“No, it’s not your fault. Feelings cannot be forced. The same as I cannot stop loving you, you won’t start loving me just because I want it.” Off said sadly. 

Gun in the meantime started biting his lip and Off swallowed as he noticed. His gaze rested on Gun’s lips also as the younger one stopped chewing them. His heart started beating faster and memories of what they did so many times, also on this very sofa, flooded his mind. Gun looked at him too and eyed him up intensely.

Off didn’t know why but he leaned in and placed a kiss on Gun’s lips. He backed off immediately and closed his eyes. Shit what was he doing, was he some kind of masochist?

“Sorry.” Off added and wanted to stand up. But Gun grabbed his hand. “Don’t be. I don’t mind, but you would hurt, so don’t do it again.” Gun stood up and hugged him. “You have to believe me, I don’t want you to hurt. I don’t ever want to see you cry! You are so important to me Papii.” Off decided to enjoy the hug. He took a tight hold on Gun and inhaled his sweet scent.

“I know. Come, I’ll get the bed ready for you.”

“For us. You can also stay there with me if you don’t mind…” Off nodded and they headed to the bedroom. They changed to some light sleeping dress and finally lay down. They both sighed and turned to face each other.

Gun started talking as first. “Are you nervous for the Line TV Awards?” 

Off shook his head. “No, you know we will only have a short moderation and surely won’t win best couple again. We already won that last year. So we can calmly attend the show.”

“But I hope we win again! By the way, I will film some material for Fun with Gun so I feel already busy just thinking about it!” Gun furrowed his brows and scuffled his hair. Off smiled at Gun’s cuteness.

Suddenly Gun changed topic. “Did you hear that this new virus from China has already infected a dozen people here as well? I read that it’s a dangerous type of virus.” Gun sounded concerned.

“I didn’t hear that much yet. But don’t worry too much, it will be over soon I guess.”

“Let’s hope…” 

Silence.

“Can I ask you something?” Off asked and Gun nodded. “What about that ring you are wearing? Is it a gift from somebody?”

Gu smiled. “What? Noooo. I bought it myself. I wanted to have this beauty for so long and well I saved the necessary money for it.” Off was relieved, not only because that ring made him feel jealous, but also that Gun bought it himself made him proud. Saving for a bigger wish was really mature of him and Off was glad he didn’t just spent money on useless things.

“Emm…Papii can I come closer?” Off nodded and Gun approached until he could cuddle in Off’s arms. Their chests touched and Off felt his heart racing again. Wait. That wasn’t HIS heart! As he listened into himself, he could make out his heartbeat which was rather normal. So what he was feeling, was Gun. Why was he nervous though?

“Gun, are you okay?”

“Hmhm, yes just want to sleep like this.” Gun’s voice was really only a whisper. Off also closed his eyes and fell asleep immediately with the little man in his arms.

The next two weeks passed so quickly. Off and Gun were busy with preparations for the awards and other appointments. 

Off was getting styled for the awards as he heard Gun coming, with a camera in his hand and talking into it. The room they were in, was really busy and Off was wondering if it was a good idea to film here.

“Hello Papii!” Gun came and placed a kiss on his cheek. “Wow you look really handsome!” They both smiled. They somehow found their rhythm again, things seemed to be more as before. Off was glad, he really was. So before the event he talked in the camera a few times for Gun’s show. 

But then the moment came and they announced the best viral scene as moderators. All went well and both exhaled when returning to their places. Now maybe they could just sit and enjoy. But quicker than expected things changed. 

The two girls announced the best couple award and Off couldn’t believe his own eyes as he saw him and Gun on the light panel. They won? Gun pulled his arm and made him stand up. Off realized what happened and smiled, then they made their way to the award and microphone. Quickly Off recalled the speech he and Gun wrote in case they would win. All should be fine and it was. They thanked all the fans, the crew and each other of course. As Off listened to Gun talking, he was so happy! He would have never expected them to stand here. Not only here now on this very stage receiving this award but in general. He was one of the most popular actors in his country, even known in some others. He has the possibility to work with great people, who mostly were his close friends. What could he wish for more? 

Gun finished, they waved goodbye and even before they were off stage Gun put his hand on Off’s shoulder and started jumping a little of happiness. As they were backstage Gun immediately hugged him tightly. “Papii we made it!” They had no time to talk a lot since they needed to return to their seats.

After some acts and more awards, Krist and Singto announced the most hearted content of the year and as they heard Theory of Love called out, Off, Gun and their director stood up quickly. The director spoke most of the time, Off and Gun just thanked their fans once again. 

After the show was over, group pictures of all winners had to be taken. Then everything was suddenly frantically. Off was quick with changing since he only took off his coat. He was already with their fans when Gun came looking a little confused. The hour with their Babiis passed quickly and they gathered in front of the building. Tay, White, New, Mike and Godji were also still there.

“Oooooff maan! Congrats for winning best couple again! Gun to you too!” White came and hugged them. “I reserved at your favorite place, remember you still owe me a dinner.” 

Off nodded and New and Mike who was standing with them also agreed. Off didn’t once hesitate to accept White’s offer because he expected Gun to come along automatically. He looked at the little guy and found him in the tight hug of Godji. Was Gun sad? No, why should he?

“So bye Gun, see you these days! We go eating now.” Godji waved Gun goodbye and headed to Off to friendly caress his arm.

“Papii oh you also join them... Me, Tay and my friends still film for my show and we fixed the restaurant.” Off furrowed his brows. Oh no, he already agreed on going with White.

“Look, we can meet later, after dinner. Alright?” Gun nodded and Off smiled weakly, then headed towards his friends waiting at the taxi.

The dinner was nice and Off had a lot of fun. White and New were such dorks but he loved his two friends. Mike and Godji on the other hand didn’t hide anything. Now Off had no doubt any longer that they two were dating. He nearly chocked his noodle as they even shared a kiss! Here in public! Could they do that?! What if someone sees.

“How are things going, Off?” White asked. Off hesitated. 

“Good. Of course good! I just won a prize, how could I not be happy.” Godji and New didn’t look happy though, Off knew that they knew. But he had no intension to tell it to White and Mike all again, so he changed topic.

“Mike! How did you convinced this beautiful lady to be with you?” Everyone laughed and Mike began to tell their story.

As they left the restaurant, they saw on the other side of the street a group of sanity personal in big suits and masks closing a shop and the closer surrounding with barrier tape.

“Wow things are really getting worse.” New stated and all nodded contemplatively.

They walked to the taxi stand and said goodbye, all taking their own except Mike and Godji. As he was in the car, Off smiled and thought about these two. He was really happy for them.

He checked his phone and saw that Gun wrote him only some minutes ago.

_Where are you now? <3_

Off began to type an answer when his phone started ringing. It was Gun.

“Hello?”

“Papii…”

“Hey I just wanted to answer you, I’m in taxi on my way home. You?”

“Can you come and take me please.”

“Sure tell me the address!”

Off was lucky since the restaurant was on the way and so at least they didn’t have to drive back or in another direction. Off told the driver to wait as he left the taxi to go towards the group where he saw Gun.

“Gun.” The little guy turned around and hugged him. The short moment Off could see Gun’s face, he noticed he had cried. Off looked at Tay inquiring but his best friend only looked to him. What was going on? Then Tay came closer and whispered: “He missed you like crazy. Take care of him.”

“Papii let’s go home.” And they did. Gun not once letting go of him. They sat in the car in silence, Gun resting his head on Off’s arm and holding hands. “I missed you so much…everything went different than I imagined this evening to be and I…” Gun then stopped. Off didn’t say anything as well and so it was silent again until arriving at Off’s condo.  
He opened the door and they placed their bags on the floor, not being in the mood to unpack anything. Gun just slipped out of his cloths and let them lie on the floor. Off followed and at least grabbed them to put them on a chair. He followed Gun into the bedroom and got rid of his cloth too.

It was a hot night and so Off was not eager to put on any shirt. Also Gun was already on the bed only in his boxers. Off took a deep breath and lay next to Gun, who immediately came closer.

“Papii, how can you be sure that you love me?” Off blinked and was wondering where this question was coming from now. “I mean, when one person loves another, they want to be with them right? A relationship…how do you know it’s that what you want with me?”

Off was confused. He never thought about that actually. When he fell in love with someone it was clear to him that the ultimate aim would be a lasting relationship.

“I don’t fully understand you. If I love someone, I just want to have a relationship obviously. Someone to share your life with.”

“But how do I know that it’s that person. How should I know I love someone?”

Was Gun serious right now?

“You don’t know that? Have you never loved anybody?” Off was totally shocked now.

“I don’t know. I just don’t know…” Tears started to fill Gun’s eyes and Off pulled him closer. Gun started shaking a little. 

“Shh…it’s all fine.” Off kissed his front. 

“Do that again please.” Gun asked pleading and Off placed another kiss, now on Gun’s temple. And then another one. Then Off turned Gun a little towards him so he could fully see him. Off leaned down and kissed Gun short but intense.

“I love you Gun.” 

Off just needed to say it, at least once. Against his expectation Gun smiled a little and so Off kissed him again. Gun reciprocated the kiss passionately. It felt like forever that Off tasted and touched him like this. Off slipped his tongue inside Gun’s mouth and pulled Gun’s hair a little.

“Papii…aahhh yes. But I cannot…ahh promise anything. I don’t know how I..hmmm…feel-”

Off interrupted him and wrapped his arms around Gun. “I need this now…please…” While kissing, Off started roaming over the small lean body. After a while he pressed him down in the mattress and positioned himself over Gun. Off attacked his lips again before placing little kisses on his way down Gun’s body. He lingered a little longer at his nipples, since he knew Gun liked that. Also he kissed Gun’s six pack thoroughly. His body was so pretty. Gun was roaming his hands through Off’s hair and gently pulling it, which turned Off even more on. Off eventually kissed Gun’s dick through his boxers and started slowly nibbling its tip.

“Papii…” Gun was melting under him and Off felt good knowing that he was responsible for that. He then pulled down both their boxers and came back up to kiss Gun. It was not wild but rather slow and Off tried to put in all his love. Gun wrapped his arms and legs around him and kissed him back.

Off found a limp grow in his throat again, shit that was the total wrong time for getting emotional.

“Gun, baby…” But Gun silenced him with another kiss and then he reached out for the drawer, where he knew Off kept his condoms. He took one and found the lube next to it and handed them to Off.

“Make me feel your love…”

Off’s breathing stopped and he put a hand on Gun’s cheek to caress it. He placed a kiss on his lips. Then he reached out for the lube and moistened his fingers. It was some time since he had sex with Gun, but since they did it quite often, he was used to how to do it, so that Gun was relaxed and even enjoyed the preparation time already. 

“It’s been so long Papii…don’t let me wait any longer.” And he didn’t. He put the condom and more lube on his cock and slowly pushed into Gun. He missed that feeling so freaking much! 

“Hhhnnn...” Gun panted but his moan was filled with pleasure. Off also groaned as he started moving and then changed their position a little. He reached under Gun’s shoulders and pressed him to his chest wanting him as close as possible. He leaned down and captured his lips. Since they were so close, Gun’s dick rubbed between their bellies. “Papii I am close…” Only some seconds after he said it, Gun came. Off went on fucking him, now a little faster. 

“Ahhh a little more…” Off let go of Gun and straightened up. He took hold of Gun’s hip and found that that way he had a more moving space. After some more thrusts he came too. They both were breathing hard and after Off threw away the condom and cleaned Gun’s belly, they lay down again and snuggled together.

“I missed this so much…” Gun said after a while. “I missed your closeness.”

“Me too, you have no idea how much.”

“I…” Gun stopped. “I don’t-” Gun looked for words. “I might not be able to give you what you deserve to get. Why must-”

“Shhh… don’t think about it now. We will see, now sleep.”

Off tightened the hug and saw how Gun slowly became calm and drifted into sleep.

Off was glad he had Gun back in his arms, even if it seemed like they were at the same point as before.


	20. I'll write up the star

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the belated update again!

“Papii…Papii!” Gun tried to wake up his friend and gently shook his arm. Off noticed the disturbing noises immediately and opened his eyes. He turned around to find a tired Gun half hovering over him with totally confused hair. “It’s late already. We should stand up.” Gun said and Off nodded. 

He put away the blanket and found himself naked. As he sat at the border of the bed, he remembered what they did yesterday and sighed. Why again?

“Can we shower together?” Gun was now standing next to him. Naked. Had this boy no shame at all? Of course, they had sex and also showered together a few times. Nonetheless Off felt a little unease every time. For him this easy handling with nakedness was part of a relationship or close family.

“Pleeeease.” And Gun took his hand and pulled him up. Off followed, loving the feeling of Gun’s hand around his. They entered the bathroom and Gun already prepared a towel for later. Then he stepped under the shower, indicating Off to follow him. Off did and regulated the water a little as he stepped in, since he found it too hot. 

“Oooii Papii, not so cold!” Gun giggled and turned it warmer again. “Let me wash your hair.” He grabbed the shampoo, turned Off around, so that Off’s back was facing him and stretched himself to reach for the tall one’s hair. 

Off felt so good. He felt cared for. A little tear found its way down his cheek but since his whole face was already wet it didn’t attract attention. As he felt that Gun has finished. Off turned around and stepped under the jet of water again. He stayed there immobile trying to collect himself. Soon Gun was worried and turned it off.

“Papii…” Gun hugged him from the side. He started talking with a shaky voice. “I want to try it. I care so much about you. But the thought of a relationship just freaks me out…” A sob escaped him and Off also couldn’t hold himself together anymore and started crying.

“Why? Didn’t you have any boyfriend before?” His voice was barely hearable.

“Well...I just can't be captured in something fix. Just thinking about it takes my breath away…”

Off felt his heart hurting. What was Gun saying? “What? Why…I mean don’t you want to settle down one day and have a family?”

Gun cried now heavily and Off turned around hugged him. Since Gun didn’t stop, Off took him in his arms and stepped out of the shower. He took the towel and made his way into the bedroom where he sat down on the bed. Gun still clung to Off and so he simply wrapped the big cozy fabric around both of them.

“Shhh…” Off tried to soothe him, while actually he still felt like crying too. He needed to be strong for Gun. Something was odd. The way he thought about a relationship made Off so sad and he decided to try everything to make Gun believe in them.

So 20 minutes later both calmed down again and were putting on their cloths. Gun looked through Off’s wardrobe as usual, looking for some cloths to steal again. Off chuckled as he watched him. Gun reached Off’s jewelry box and froze.

“Papii, I have the same bracelet! Look.” Gun ran to him with the bracelet his granny gifted Off holding it next to the one he was wearing right now. Off noticed how often Gun wore it and so Off never did. He sometimes looked at it in the evening when he was lonely and the thought that Gun’s own grandma gifted them a couple one made him just happy.

“Yes I know. Your grandma gifted me the same one.” He felt shy now and scratched his head. Gun’s cheeks turned a little red and he smiled. “That’s so great! Why don’t you wear it, the fans will like it too.”

Off nodded and put it on immediately. They ate something afterwards.

“So what should we do now? You know…about us?” Off tried to sound positive and smiled. Gun swallowed. 

“As I said before I don’t feel good about committing to a person. It makes me feel hemmed in. I-” Gun swallowed. “I made some bad experience in the past and I never had a reason to try to overcome that negative approach that developed through the years.”

Off looked down and felt his head starting aching.

“Now I have one.” Gun reached out and grabbed Off’s hand. “I am sorry. You would deserve a better person at your side. I still don’t know if I am able to love you. I mean, in the same way you love me. But I want to try.”

Off was speechless. He just nodded and felt another tear run down his cheek. 

“Can I kiss you?”, he asked shyly.

“Of course.” Gun stood up and went to Off. Gun took his face in his small but strong hands and leaned down. Off felt Gun’s sweet lips on his and kissed back, feeling so happy.  
Gun soon intensified the kiss, starting to explore Off’s mouth with his tongue. Off did the same but they stopped after a while. They took a few seconds to collect themselves and then Gun placed a short last kiss on Off’s lips.

“I need to leave now. It’s late and I have some appointments later. We call, okay?” Off nodded and Gun quickly took his things. He had three bags since he brought so much to the awards yesterday. Off brought him to the door and gently carressed his hand before Gun finally left.

The next 2 weeks passed so quickly. Off actually couldn’t say what he did. From having shootings to interviews and only chilling at GMMTV or at home, everything took time. He saw Gun twice and they acted really normal. They smiled, laughed and worked as usual. Well, what else should they have done, Off thought. They didn’t have the time to meet in private, because it seemed, that every time Off was free, Gun wasn’t and the other way around. 

These weeks were also determined by another topic: the virus. Still Off wasn’t that concerned, but the message Tay send him this morning made him thoughtful.

_We should meet these days and hang out. I’m afraid the situation will get worse :(_

Off agreed, it’s been ages he spent some private time with Tay.

_Yeah absolutely! How about after tomorrow?_

_I will meet New there, but only in the morning. After lunch I’m all yours ;)_

Shortly after came another message. 

_New also wants so see you again, so just already come along with us and New will leave after eating together._

_Great! Usual time and place? :)_

_Yeah <3_

And so two days later Off was standing under the entrance chairs of Siam Center at 10 am. He soon saw his two friends approach and a smile found its way on his face.  
“Hey!!!” They hugged and entered the big shopping center.

“So where should we go? Shopping? Drinking some coffee?” Tay said loud and enthusiastically. He was really happy and it showed.

“I’m okay with everything, but a coffee would be perfect.” Off said and New nodded. 

“Cool, let’s go to the shop we discovered some month ago! It was so cozy. Afterwards I need to buy a birthday present.” And Tay smiled even brighter. Off thought for a moment and quickly remembered Joss having birthday at the beginning of March.

They found the nice little coffee shop and chose a table inside in a corner, so maybe they would have some peace from their fans. They ordered and started with small talk and exchanging about work. Then it was silent but then New broke it.

“How are you and Gun? I never had the possibility to apologize for my shitty behavior.” 

Tay looked at his couple partner with an unbelieving face and then to Off who was also really surprised. Then he found his voice. “It’s really complicated. At that time, it wasn’t just me having a secret crush on him as you knew about. Well we…” Off looked around and continued more silently. “We slept together every now and then. Gun was okay with a friends plus thing and I accepted what I got.”

“Shiiiiit! That’s why he was so shocked. I’m sorry! My drunk mind just wanted to help…I was quite sure he likes you too and maybe you were just too afraid to say something.” 

Off shook his head and continued. “We had a big fight then.” New looked so guilty now. “I don’t blame you, maybe it was good. I couldn’t have continued that way, one day things needed to come out. Well at around Christmas things became better again, but he made it clear that he would prefer me feeling only friendship again.”

New reached out and put his hand on Off’s. The older one smiled a little but pulled it away.

“I tried, but I just couldn’t.” He sighed. “After the Line TV Awards we ended up in bed again. He told me he has some problems committing to a person, but I don’t understa-”

Tay interrupted him at that point. “That’s where I can help. As you already mentioned the Awards. That evening I joined Gun’s group for dinner and I am quite sure now what is going on. I also observed his behavior the weeks before, because as all of us, I was also surprised that he didn’t fall into your arms after he got to know about your feelings. I was really sure he loves you, only being afraid to end up heartbroken.”

Off nodded, but then he was confused. “So what is going on then? Did something happen in his past?”

“Not necessarily. Ok I did my own research and things fit. I suspect fear of commitment. Hey don’t look like this! It’s a serious phobia or rather illness. The person backs away as soon as a relationship gets serious. Both romantic or also friendship. Further it’s not that the person always hates contact, on the contrary! They often enjoy sex without looking for a relationship-”

New interrupted him. “And how come Gun has it, if he has?”

“There doesn’t have to be one big reason. I read that affected people could have a low self-esteem and so don’t believe in being loved or the totally different approach: they are narcistic and just unable to share their heart with someone. Of course, also this mostly resulted by little attention in childhood.”

“Gun loves himself a lot.” Off added thoughtfully and Tay laughed a little. “I know. So I actually suspect the second option. He was famous and praised since he was a little boy. Of course, he also has many reasons to feel proud of himself. Maybe he never had to be concerned about other’s feelings and his family also was as it was and not so caring. We shouldn’t talk that way, but we know how easily his dad chose his new family and “left” Gun with his grandma after his mom died some years ago. We all know Gun is fine with it, but still.” Tay took a breath. “I suspect that there was a trigger moment. Gun said something last time in the restaurant, about having a bad experience. Off, he cried that evening because he missed you so much. He felt bad for treating you that way, but just can’t help himself. I am sure he loves you, he just doesn’t know himself. He really has some kind of fear.”

Both Off and New were speechless, then Off sighed. “Shit, what should we do now? Can he just overcome this fear for me?” Tay shrugged. “I read that these things take time or also big incidents can change the person’s attitude. Show him what he could have and make sure he sees that a relationship is no prison, it’s wonderful.”

Off stood up and paid. “Let’s go shopping now please! I need a topic change.” 

And they did, actually all three bought some things and then they entered a very elegant man’s cloths shop. “I want to buy a tie for Joss’ birthday.” And Tay went to the big wall full of ties.

“So what do you say to Tay’s relationship?” Off was really curious what New thought about them.

“Maaan, I’m so happy! Tay is such a good friend that I love to see him this happy. Also I don’t feel so bad anymore for having again a girlfriend. We had some fights about that in the past, because we are who we are and so having an open relationship with a third party is just impossible.” Off nodded, remembering the time when he and Gun rose in popularity and his girlfriend became a big problem in the eyes of the company. Will a real relationship with Gun also be one?

“Off! Come here.” Tay called him and both came closer.

“I can’t choose between these two, put them on.”

“Me? Why?”

“Joss is a little taller than you, but you are still taller than me, so I want to see how it looks from my position.” Off was still confused but did as his friend asked. Tay then came closer and looked at him in the eyes. Off swallowed.

“Stay still, I’m imagining Joss here.” And he punched him friendly.

Off tried not to laugh. This was a totally in love, weird acting Tay. New observed the scene and also needed to chuckle.

Tay chose the red one and Off complained that he knew from the beginning he would choose that one and all the trying was unnecessary. “I am hungry now!” Off finished his tirade.

So they went to the next sushi restaurant and ate until they nearly burst.

“I need to leave now. It was a pleasure and I see you soon at work! Byeee.” They waved goodbye to New and soon also Tay and Off left the shopping center and headed to the park. They took a pink milk at a stand and sat down in the grass. A light breeze was blowing and everything seemed so peaceful.

“Soooooo, tell me about Joss. I don’t know much actually.” Off grinned. His friend was also smiling and lay down. Off followed and so they were lying on their back facing the sky.  
“Isn’t the sky something beautiful?” Tay said dreamingly.

“Don’t change topic now. I want to know!”

“As you can imagine, we are together. I really love him…I’m so happy.”

Off’s heart started beating faster. His friend’s happiness meant so much for him. “I’m so glad! You deserve it so much.”

“It means a lot to me to hear that from you.” Tay reached down to grab Off’s hand and gently pressing it. But then he let go quickly. He knew Off didn’t like it. Plus they were outside and surely being spotted already. Off felt the strange tension and went on, half joking. 

“So you two did it?” Tay glared at him but nodded shyly. 

“Did you like it? I mean…I am assuming you are, well you know-” Off suddenly was feeling shy and so Tay stopped him. “Yes I bottomed. Especially at our first time…I had no idea and so he took the lead. But now actually…we change.” 

“Whaaat, big strong Joss lies beneath? Nice job my friend.”

“It’s not about who is taller or stronger…”

“So it feels good right? Gun enjoys it really much.”

“It’s weird and not so comfortable the first few times, but then it’s just heaven.”

The conversation was a strange one. Both felt shy and just looked at the sky all the time. After some silence, Off added: “I should try. Maybe Gun wants too.”

Tay laughed. “Sorry but I can’t imagine Gun fucking you!” Off joined and suddenly the situation lost its oddness and they returned to their old selves. Best friends, who laughed loudly lying in the grass and behaving like little children enjoying their time together.

It was only some days later, that the first restrictions were established that made the world aware that a big enemy was coming.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Omg, excuse me for the overly dramatic last sentence!!


	21. Everyone has left you behind

Off would never have thought that the virus would cause such big trouble. Their country already established travelling restrictions, especially from China and it seemed the lockdown was only a step away. Shootings for series or similar things were already stopped and so the last few days he had nothing to do.

Gun wrote him a lot and they video called from time to time. Off was happy with the situation, but still he knew that they didn’t actually date and so he couldn’t fully blossom.  
“Papii! Where are you with your thoughts?” Gun said on his screen.

They were only talking a little after dinner, but Off found himself distracted a lot.

“Sorry…I am only realizing tonight that maybe they will close us in. It’s horrible, isn’t it?” Off sounded horrified. Gun seemed clueless and looked down. 

“I don’t know. In other countries they imposed a lockdown, but things still work out. We could go shopping for food and medicine, but the rest is either way closed. So it doesn’t matter so much anyway.”

“But…” _…I won’t be able to meet you._ Off didn’t say his thought out load, because it could seem to clingy and as he heard Gun talking, Off thought that Gun wouldn’t mind as much as he himself would. So he changed his sentence.

“But it gets boring after some time.”

Gun replied loudly and beamed: “Noooo you can watch series all day or do some online shopping.” Off chuckled. “So what series do you recommend?”

“Hmm let me think. You watched all my shows already, yours obviously too. Plus we are so familiar with newer GMMTV shows, so how about an older one? Have you seen ‘Love Sick’? Or wait, would you prefer something English?! There is…”

Off only listened half-heartedly, admiring Gun when he talked so passionate about that topic. It was only worse when talking about outfits and brands, he was so eager then.  
“Ohh wait! Well it’s no series, but have you seen ’Call me by your name’? It’s so beautiful!”

“No I haven’t yet.”

“You need to!! I have it downloaded. I’ll send it to you afterwards.” Gun smiled and Off did too.

Then both were silent. They looked at each other and it wasn’t awkward at all. Then Off continued the talk. “Can we go for dinner these days again? Or come to me and we make us a nice evening.”

Off sounded unsure, because most of the time it was Gun who invited himself to a sleepover or asked for eating together. And since Off knew now about Gun’s relationship fears, he nearly didn’t dare asking.

“Yes of course! When?”

Off was happy and smiled all over his face. “Great! How about tomorrow?” Gun thought and checked his phone. “Wait tomorrow is bad. I meet with my girls to go shopping, before all things close totally and in the evening we go to the club. They only open for small groups now and Olive made it to get a place for us and some more friends.”

Off’s expression turned a little sad. He shouldn’t feel so hurt. Gun could do whatever he wanted and he had no right to be jealous. Nonetheless he wondered if it where only girls there or also some boys. He really strongly tried to not say anything, so he swallowed and nodded.

“Stay safe, there are many people infected, who don’t even know it…”

“Don’t worry too much Papii!”

The rest of the conversation was superficial topics, Off felt a little bothered since he found out that Gun would meet his friends. 

“Goodnight! We will write when we meet, surely this week!” Gun waved and Off replied. “Okay, sleep tight. I-” Off hesitated but felt the urge to say it. “I love you.”

Gun was silent. But Off had the right to say it! They were trying a kind of relationship, right? Off hoped for an answer but Gun bid his lips and waved another time before the call ended.

Off sighed and slapped his hand on his front. He was so dumb! This made Gun back off again. How should he know what was fine and what too much for his little friend? 

He opened a new tab and typed _How to handle commitment problems_. There were a few results. He read over the signs for fear of commitment. As Tay indicated a few applied to Gun, others didn’t. Off changed his key words to _How help partner with fear of commitment_. Results were again ample and the main advice was giving them their freedom, don’t restricting them and trying to talk about things. What a surprise, Off thought. Wasn’t he exactly doing that right now? Letting Gun do his own things even though it made him fell unease. 

_But only go so far, that you too feel comfortable and never place your needs behind the ones of your partner._ His needs? All Off needed and wanted was Gun at his side. He wanted to go to sleep with him and be the first thing to see in the morning. He wanted to work with him and shoot new series and shows. He wanted to grow old with him. Maybe even start a family, since Gun loved children.

But this seemed all so far away and Off dropped the happy thoughts quickly.

So the next days passed. He spent a lot of time with Arm, since so he didn’t need to leave the house. They talked about various things. Off discovered GMMTV wants to make some live streams from home, since all appointments, interviews and shootings were cancelled. Also he told Arm the whole story of him and Gun one afternoon and was surprised how much Arm already knew, either from observing some things himself or also getting told some rough happenings from Tay.

“This little gghhh!” Off was somehow pissed that Tay told, but Tay knew how close Off was with Arm, and so it was fine.

“He just tried to find a solution and wanted some more opinions. Don’t be mad at him.”

“I’m not, I don’t actually mind. By the way, did he talk with you about Joss?”

Arm nodded and smiled. “What Tay doesn’t know is that he can be really thankful for me! I helped them a lot in getting together.”

Off was curious: “How come?”

“It started-”

Arm just wanted to answer as Off’s phone rang. It was Gun.

“Excuse me, I really want to take that call… Hello?”

“Papii, can we meet tonight?”

“Sure!” Off sounded really euphoric.

“Great I will come soon, see you!” And he hung up. Off was a little confused and looked down at himself. “Arm I need to go now! Gun comes!”

“Okay you can go immediately but listen for a moment. I know you love him and he surely loves you too, but please! Since he handles or feels the things differently, don’t let him hurt you. I am worried.”

Off nodded and then hugged Arm. “Thank you.” Then he left and hurried into his apartment. He quickly put on some nicer cloths and went to the bathroom to at least put on some cream. Gun was always wearing makeup and lipstick, but he himself didn’t bother about it when he was in private. Still, he wanted to look good for Gun.

Then the doorbell rang and Off ran to the door. As he opened it, he was so happy to see Gun again. It wasn’t that long, but he missed him so much.

“Hiii!” They both greeted rather shyly, but then Gun stepped inside and hugged Off. The taller one also reached out and softly pressed Gun to himself, one hand wandering to his soft hair and petting it, then he spoke. “How are you?”

“Fine! And you?” Gun stepped away and made his way to the couch.

Off joined him there. “Yeah same. Staying at home a lot, as they suggested.” Then Off reached out and took Gun’s hand. He just wanted to touch him so badly. Gun first looked at their joint hands and then in Off’s eyes, then he smiled. “I hate staying at home and being alone! So I came here to see you.”

“Prepare yourself to stay at home now for longer. Tay suspects a lockdown being established soon and slowly I think the same.” Off was in his thoughts and pulled Gun’s hand up, guiding it to his mouth. He gently pressed a kiss on it. “I am a little concerned, especially when we are separated.”

Gun had a marveling face, this was untypical for Off, he cared for people, but not to that degree.

“It’s all fine! Don’t worry so much.”

“But I do, I love you and I want the people I love to be safe. Especially when they are so reckless and go to clubs these days.” Off sounded a little accusing, without wanting actually. But he couldn’t help. The videos on Gun’s IG stories where on his mind, where he danced really close to his friends. Disregarding the virus, Off felt so jealous seeing that, because there were some boys around too.

Gun slowly pulled away his hand. “Are you miffed because I went out with my friends?”

“No, no it’s fine.” Off tried to take his hand again and to sound tranquil. Nonetheless Gun stood up and spoke loudly.

“Papii, don’t you even start with things like that. I can do whatever I want and you are in no position to tell me otherwise!”

Off swallowed and felt a lump in his throat. He nodded and with a weak voice added: “No I’m not…” Gun had an angry look in his eyes and so Off felt his eyes get wet.

Gun suddenly changed expression. Seeing Off so hurt made him realize how he just acted and so he sat down next to Off again. “I’m sorry, I just…” Gun didn’t know what to say, so Off continued instead.

“But you are right. I am just your friend, one of many.” Gun reached out for Off. “No please don’t think so, you are so special for me.” And he turned Off’s face so that they faced each other and kissed him. It was a little chaotic, since Off was not expecting it and still on the edge to crying. Gun kept the kiss dry only placing sweet pecks on Off’s lips and gently caressing him. Then Off turned away.

“Let’s order some food, okay?” Off said and stood up to get his phone. He knew what Gun loved to eat and so he didn’t even asked. Then he came back and found Gun looking sad and Off couldn’t bare that.

“Hey baby it’s okay. Don’t be sad, it’s not your fault.”

“It is. I just can’t handle a relationship. What you said before made me so angry and reminded me of-“ He stopped and swallowed. “…the past.”

“You want to talk with me about it?”

“Not now, can we just spend a nice evening together please…” Gun snuggled closer to Off and hid his face in his neck. Off took him in his arms and sighed. Soon the food came and they enjoyed their time together.

This thing with Gun was a roller-coaster…one moment they fought, cried, then kissed and hugged and then spent time as the best friends and laughed a lot. Off felt a little like going crazy, but he hoped that time would make things right.

Time.

A thing they didn’t get.

Only a few days later the lockdown was definitely established and people were advised not to go out. Nearly all shops were closed, of course expect grocery and medicine and important staff. 

Off was sitting in his apartment and thinking about everything. Was he ready to take the heavy task and go through this all, trying to help Gun to lose his anxiety? Or was it too much and he rather should give up? Maybe keep going to be friends with benefits with him? Off just didn’t know.

And how come Gun bought a dog!? He just talked to him yesterday and casually Gun mentioned he adopted a little white dog named Bibi, so he wasn’t so lonely at home. Off found her really cute, but Gun looking after an animal? No good idea. He was sweet and really caring, but he had so little time. Luckily there was Pim, who would mostly take care as well.

He had other things besides Gun to think about as well. The people from GMMTV were supposed to have a livestream at lunch. Tay’s turn was yesterday and Gun will be tomorrow. And oh my, did Tay talk! Off really enjoyed watching him, he was so positive. Well, he was indeed happy. Off remembered that he wanted to ask him how he was doing with Joss now that they couldn’t meet easily anymore.

So the next day came quickly and Off opened youtube at noon and Gun appeared. He didn’t tell him he would watch, because he didn’t wanted Gun to feel the obligation to watch Off’s livestream as well.

Gun was incredibly cute. Off couldn’t stop himself from smiling and wanting to hug his little friend through the screen.

“For the past few days, I just stayed home, took Bi to the vet, stayed home, watched some movies and slept. That’s all I did.” Gun smiled sadly. “Talking by myself feels lonely. I’m lonely.” Then he went on reading some comments. 

Off felt so bad for him in that moment. Gun was clearly sad, he was such a social person, hating being alone at home. Off really needed to call him later.

So Gun cooked and Off admired him. Off’s turn would be in 2 days and he decided not to cook for episode one. Maybe later, but at the moment he simply had no equipment at home. Later Bibi came on screen and Off found Gun plus Bibi are cuteness overload. He wished to be there with them. 

As he wanted, he called Gun afterwards, asking how things were gingo. Luckily he didn’t mention the livestream and so they ignored the topic. Gun was happy talking to him, but he was really silent and didn’t initiate a lot of topics.

“I want to be with you badly.” Off agreed by nodding through the screen. “Me too.”

“I lo-” Gun swallowed and his eyes filled with tears already, but he found a smile. “I want you to meet Bibi soon, she would surely love you.”

Off was also a little emotional and only nodded.

The next days they didn’t talk. Off was too afraid to initiate contact, although he would have loved to hear Gun every day at least once. But he feared it could be too much for Gun again and so he didn’t.

Off’s livestream was chaotic. His emotional chaos was visible. He looked bad and also his behavior showed a certain unease. He even struggled opening the yoghurt! “Look at my clumsiness.” He started cleaning himself. “My life is all a mess.” It was so true.

He tried to make some jokes, talked a lot about his colleagues and called a few. Also Gun, who was still sleeping. He felt a little sorry, but it was somehow fun. Also Off mentioned the yoghurt brand a hundred times and so the time passed. 

In the afternoon he was lying comfortably on the couch watching TV when his phone rang. It was Gun. Off sat up happily and accepted the call.

“Hello Gun!” Off smiled, but after hearing what Gun said with a rather accusing voice, his face fell.

“Papii…what is going on between you and Toptap?”


	22. By your side

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm a little struggling with the measures of the Corona pandemic in Thailand at the various times in my fic, so I mix the info I find and how I experienced in my country. LOL, I hope you don't mind!

“Papii…what is going on between you and Toptap?”

Off was thinking hard. What did Gun mean?

“Ummm…nothing, I guess. What do you mean?”

“He and me had a nice phone call before, but why the fuck did he slobber over you all the time?!”

“How should I know that? We are just friends…” Off had no power to scream as Gun did and stayed calm.

“He talked about how funny you are and even said you are handsome. Additionally he watched your live stream today! And me?! I didn’t…Shit…” Gun became more silent in the end. “I’ll call you back.” He said suddenly and then he hung up.

What did just happen? Off looked at the black screen of his phone and was confused. Gun was pissed again. Or not? How should he deal with this situation now? 

“Aargh!” Off screamed. Gun was such a complicated person, but he loved him, he loved every part of him. Why though!? It made Off nearly furious.

After waiting for Gun’s call the whole evening without results, he went to bed, hoping that this shitty lockdown would end soon.

The next day around noon Off received a message from Gun.

_I’m sorry! I’m so dumb and childish. I wish we could meet and talk…I will call you soon <3_

What was the meaning of this now? Off was only confused. He couldn’t even feel happy or sad or anything he was supposed to feel right now. He was just so weary of this situation. Then his phone rang, it was a video call.

“Hey Gun!” Off said and Gun only waved back. Off sighed, Gun looked horrible. He obviously cried and was pale in a bad way.

“What is happening Gun?” Gun looked down and slowly his eyes became wet again. Still he started talking, trying to explain: “I talked to Toptap yesterday. We do it often…chitchat about things. And then he was sweet-talking about you all the time! I excused myself at some point and I got so angry suddenly. He can’t talk about you like that!” He was shaking now a little.

It hurt Off to see Gun that way. “Hey baby it’s fine, I don’t like him, so don’t worry.”

“But I worry!! I am so angry, but I don’t know what to do.”

“You are jealous.”

Gun looked up. “But we are not having a relationship Papii.” 

Ouch. That hurt. “As it seems we don’t.”

“I just don’t know. I feel so helpless…” Gun cried now fully and went to get some tissue. In the meantime from Off’s eye also escaped a little tear. Not because he was that sad, but more, because he was not able to be with Gun. He wanted to hug him and say that things will get better soon.

Then Gun returned. He seemed to have collected himself a little. He continued: “I thought about things. About us. I also talked with some people who can help me…”

Gun seemed to really struggle with what he was saying.

“I really want to be with you. Totally, like be together. But it’s hard. But it’s harder to not be with you and so I want to try.”

Off slowly processed what Gun was saying.

“I...I love you.” Gun added silently. “I want to be your boyfriend.”

“Really?” Off felt some more tears escape his eyes now and quickly wiped them away.

Gun nodded. “I guess it won’t be much of a difference to what we already do. I mean we are good friends, hang out a lot, have sex…so it’s just that we are exclusive.”

Off nodded enthusiastically. Finally! It took a load off Off’s mind and he smiled.

“This makes me so happy, we belong to each other now.”

Gun swallowed, looked down and added with a bitter voice: “No, I belong to myself.” 

Shit! Off said the wrong thing again.

“Of course, I didn’t mean it that way! I just-“ Off was sure that Gun’s past experience made him be so sensitive about belonging and being in a serious partnership. “You can talk to me.”

Gun nodded and smiled. “Not now, I want to be with you when we talk, I might need your hug.” And he made big puppy eyes.

“I need your hug too. Now actually.” Off smiled sadly.

“I hope the lockdown ends soon.”

“Me too…but they do it for our own safety. Look at Europe, it’s so horrible what’s happening there.” Gun nodded and looked thoughtful.

Then he suddenly smiled and said: “Can we have dinner together?” Off furrowed his brows. “We cannot meet baby.”

“No I mean at home. We both call over our laptop, dress up nicely and eat together.”

“That sounds perfect.” 

Off and Gun smiled to each other and for at least 2 minutes nobody said anything.

“So how about 6? We should order the same kind of food…how about Italian? That’s romantic.” Gun was smiling sheepishly.

“Perfect. So elegant dress code?”

Gun nodded and was happy as a child when getting toys. Off felt the same as Gun looked but he only smiled, not being able to show such overly happiness.

“Okay I will call you.”

“See you Papii!”

So their call ended. Off lay down on the sofa, not really able to believe what just happened. Were he and Gun now officially boyfriends? It seemed yes. He even said he loves him! Off was so happy, but why did this need to happen now? Now, when they were separated and had no chance to meet.

Well he needed to make the best out of this situation. They will have a date tonight! Oh, Off needed to start to get ready, it was already nearly 3 pm.

Off took a shower, washed his hair, shaved and then he was standing in front of his cloths. What should he wear? He couldn’t put on any of his colorful shirts, so maybe his elegant white one? But what trousers? It was rather warm. Wait…did he even need nice trousers? He was going to sit at the table anyway and the camera would only catch his upper body. Great! So no trousers needed.

Off finally found an elegant white shirt and let the highest button open. So now it was time to order some food, because it would need some time to be delivered. All services were busy because a lot were closed anyway and so the remaining ones where totally overcharged. Off really considered starting cooking. But he had no idea how.

At around 5.45 his food came and he started preparing his table in front of the couch. Should he put a tablecloth? Did he even have that? And a candle? His thought suddenly went wild. He had none. He rushed to get his mask and quickly went to Arm’s apartment.

“Man, do you have some candle? Or how should I decorate my table for a romantic date? Shit I am kind of nervous!”

“What the heck is going on? What date? We are supposed to stay home, who comes to visit you?”

Off smiled at Arm’s cluelessness but was also in a hurry. 

“I don’t have time to explain, but the point is, Gun agreed to be my boyfriend. And now we have an online date through our laptops.”

Arm smiled. “Wow that is unexpected! But I’m so happy for you two. Bad timing though now, when you can’t meet…”

“I know…but help me now.”

“I can give you whatever you need. Tablecloth, candle,…do you have a nice wine and glass?” Off’s face fell. He didn’t think of that. He obviously couldn’t drink out of a water bottle at an elegant dinner.

“Give me all you have!”

As Arm handed the things to Off, he was running again. “Thaaaanks! I’ll call you later!”

So Off prepared everything and in the end positioned his laptop so that he and the table where more or less visible. It was already some minutes after 6 so he hurried and called Gun. It rang. But then his friend-no! boyfriend appeared.

“Hi Papii.”

Gun looked stunning. He wore a white shirt as well but a little more decorated, it seemed to be a blouse. Maybe it even was from the women’s department. Furthermore Gun was made up, had a pretty red lipstick on and was wearing his pair of glasses.

“Hi Gun.” And Off smiled.

“Ohh you look so handsome Papii and I love your mood in your room! The candlelight is so pretty! Wait I get a candle too.” 

Gun disappeared from the table and Off could only marvel again about Gun. He was so lively and emotional in every direction. Off saw his food…they both had ordered pasta it seemed. Then Gun was here again and lit a candle. 

“Sooo sweet!” Gun squawked.

“It is, you are too. And you look so pretty.” Gun beamed. “Thanks.”

“Shall we eat?”

They did. It was just perfect. The food tasted good and they had a lot of fun talking.

“Let’s put away the things and make us comfortable.”

As Off wanted to raise he remembered that he was only wearing boxer shorts! Gun at least wore joggers as Off saw when he got the candle. So he waited for Gun to leave the screen first and then he hurried to the kitchen. He came back quickly, but then it already happened. Gun saw him.

“Ahhhah Papii you are not wearing trousers!” And the little guy started laughing.

“I thought it won’t be necessary, since you would only see the upper part on the screen…” Off’s cheeks felt hot and he wondered if they were red.

“It’s fine! I like when you don’t wear much.” And he winked.

“Gun!” Off really felt shy now.

“I’m only teasing you! Don’t always be so timid, we already had sex. A lot actually!”

Now Off really wanted to vanish. He wasn’t the person who talked about these things so openly. Gun was the total opposite. So Off nodded and tried to smile, which worked. Only the thought, that he was video chatting with Gun -his boyfriend Gun- made him feel on top of the world.

“I miss sex a lot! It’s been 2 months…”

Now Off was really speechless. He swallowed. Gun was so surprising again, although he should know this part of him now. “Yeah…”

“I need some love from yoouuuu.” Gun whined and his pouting face made Off smirk.

“I hope we can meet again soon baby. I miss you too!”

“Wait! Something comes to my mind now. We will have the special episode of OffGun Fun Night right? When and how shall we plan it?”

Off was surprised by the sudden topic change, but was glad Gun addressed it. “Yeah! As far as I know we get a script and we should adjust it together per videocall and then on the day we will get help for the technical things anyway. I’m glad, I have no idea how to record a videocall to be honest.”

Gun nodded and smiled.

“So what are you doing all day long?” 

“Papii I am so bored most of the time. It seems I watched all series and others I’m just not motivated enough to watch. Also I started cooking more and I made desserts!!” Gun smiled proudly. “Well first they didn’t turn out well but then it was good, I will send you some next time.”

“That’s sweet of you.”

“What else do I do? Hmmm… Normal things as usual, a lot of skincare and workout. I cannot go jogging anymore so I might order a treadmill, I will see.”

Off nodded and suddenly he felt bad. Should he also work out? Gun’s body didn’t come from nothing but Off himself was so unathletic, he was just lucky to not easily gain weight. He wanted to look good for Gun, he deserved a handsome boyfriend.

“And you?”

So they talked on and on and the next time Off checked his phone he saw that it was nearly midnight. Wow time passed so quickly!

“Are you tired Gun?”

“A little…but I enjoy our time so much!”

“We can talk again. Every time you want! I love to see you every day.” 

Gun smiled at Off’s words. “Well that’s too much, we wouldn’t have anything to talk then. Nothing happens these days anyway.”

Off knew Gun was right, but he felt a little sad nonetheless.

“I will propose something now…we don’t have to do it of course if you don’t feel like it!” Off was curious now. What was Gun going to say?

“Do you want us to try to have sex through phone, like video or calling?”

Off’s eyes widened and he tilted his head.

“We don’t have to! I just wanted to outlay the option. I know you are really shy concerning sex, but I enjoy it so much. And so I’d rather have you with me than only touching myself.” Gun’s look changed a little into a seductive one. Off was sure he didn’t do it on purpose but it happened naturally. 

But whaaat was Gun saying? Off felt so overrun. He himself was not that horny, he masturbated every now and then but didn’t feel any special lack these weeks. He loved affection the same and actually missed hugging Gun and his sweet smell a lot more than other things.

“Wow this was unexpected and I need time to think. But I would be open to try it, yes.”

“Great! Take your time, I will look forward to it.” And he winked. He winked! Off felt his heart skip a beat and after this kind of conversation he also felt a little aroused. It was silent then until Gun yawned. 

“We should sleep now baby.” 

Gun nodded and smiled. Before waving goodbye, Off added: “Thanks a lot for being with me and trying your best, although it is hard for you…”

“It’s easier than I thought, it’s actually mostly in my head and if I really try hard to switch off the bad thoughts and doubts, then I feel really happy!”

“That’s great! I…I love you so much.” Off smiled one of his cute little smiles.

“Me too.” Gun then made a round mouth and send him a kiss. Off reciprocated the gesture and Gun giggled. “Byeee!”

Then Off was alone again in his dark living room. Nonetheless it was shining so bright inside of him that he didn’t mind. He was freaking happy! He went to his room, took Off his shirt and lay down. This might have been the best day of his life…he got together with the person he loved so much. He needed to mark that day! 23. April 2020.

As he was about to put away his phone, he saw the notification that Gun made an IG post.

Off opened and saw a short video of a sleepy Gun smiling and snuggling into his pillow.

 _My baby…_ Off thought and fell asleep with a smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I chose 23. April because they looked really happy in the live of the 29. April featured in the next chapter. And then I looked when they posted something cute some days before that and Gun's video convinced me <3


	23. I'm always here

The next day Off woke up really early but he was so awake and fit as he’s never been. He felt as if he could hug the whole world! After eating some muesli, he got ready and went to Arm’s apartment again. Actually he wasn’t allowed to visit him fully, people couldn’t meet, but he just did. As long as the security guard wouldn’t see…

“You look so happy, now tell me what happened.”

“Okay! Gun called 2 days ago and was pissed…he said something about Toptap making compliments about me. I don’t know what that’s about actually. And then he hung up and seemed to think about things, because the next day he apologized and called again. We talked and then he said he wants it too. To be with me! Arm! He even said he loves me…” Off beamed and nearly couldn’t stay sit. “Then he proposed to have dinner together online and we did. It was quite romantic considering the circumstances. We talked about some things and it was just perfect.”

Arm smiled. “Lucky you! Congrats man!” Off also couldn’t stop smiling.

After a while Arm’s face became a little thoughtful. “You said Gun told something about Toptap? What is going on?”

“I really don’t know. Me and him only talked a little after the first times I slept with Gun. He seemed to be able to help me since he is gay. But more-” Arm stopped him.

“What did you say?! Toptap is gay?” Off realized his mistake. Was he allowed to say that? He couldn’t deny it now, so he nodded. 

“Well Gun told me and then Toptap too, as we had some talks…”

Arm seemed shocked.

“Hey, why this face?” Off asked and was curious. Arm exhaled and answered. “I just didn’t know that…”

“You also didn’t know Gun is gay, so don’t worry.”

“But Gun was not so relevant to know, I didn’t know you liked him back then. You talked only to Tay and he told me quite late.”

“And Toptap’s sexuality is relevant because…?” 

Arm swallowed and slightly grinned. “He is very cute, okay?”

Off’s eyes widened. “Noooo way! You too? What is going on with all of us…” Then he smiled.

“I’m not in love with Toptap or anything, I just admire his acting and especially dancing a lot and he is so sweet.”

“Pfff…I see your smile, you like him.” Off punched Arm friendly and the latter one became a little red.

“It doesn’t matter anyway, he doesn’t like me and these days anyway things are impossible…maybe I can talk to him when things go back to normal again.”

Off nodded not really sure what advice to give his friend.

“By the way, will me and Gun get some help while shooting the Fun Night special next week?”

“Yeah I will come to you and Godji is at Gun’s place.”

“Why can she go to him and me not?”

“She has special papers for work reasons…it’s still risky. They will keep distance.”

Off stayed a little longer and they had a great time.

To Off’s surprise, Gun called in the evening.

“Hey Papii!”

“Hey Babii!” Off imitated Gun’s name for him.

“Don’t make fun of me! You can call me baby, but Babii are our fans.” Both smiled.

“Why are you calling? I mean I love it, but didn’t you say too often is not good.”

“I was bored and wanted to see you…” 

Off was so happy seeing Gun and their talk was also very sweet. They watched each other until they fell asleep.

The following days Off did some research about fitness at home and healthy food. Yes, he really wanted to change a little bit. Why not, he had a reason now and wanted Gun to find him as attractive as he found the little guy.

The day of their livestream came fast. They all had second parts of “Live at Lunch” in between and Off became familiar with this new type of filming.

So the plan for the Fun Night was, that at the beginning Gun would take revenge on him for calling him last time and waking him. So Off acted as if he only woke up as Gun called, then they talked a little until coming to the cooking part. Gun would make some rice crispy treat. Off noticed how happy Gun looked all the time, he smiled so often! He himself tried to control himself, not to show to much love in his face.

They had to make advertisement, as always. Toothpaste this time. Off found it funny and preferred it to the yoghurt last time.

“Ok. Done. My breath smells nice now.” As Gun said it, Off wanted nothing more than reply _Let me taste it._ But he couldn’t and rather blew his own breath to Gun, who did the same. And yeah, it looked as if they wanted to kiss. Perfect.

As Gun started making his dessert, Off had the possibility to only watch and of course he enjoyed observing Gun, especially when he was so cute when cooking. Off also admired Gun again for his cooking skills and could only wonder about what he was doing.

“I thought of making this less sweeted, but I accidentally dropped more marshmallows than I need.” Off smiled at Gun’s words. _My sweet idiot._ He thought. 

Gun was indeed hilarious while cooking, a little clumsy but still seemed professional.

“It’s getting hard.” Gun said and meant that the rice was cooling down and so the marshmallows got hard. Off couldn’t help but think of something else. “Getting hard?” Gun still didn’t understand what he said and his next answer didn’t help at all. “Yes, because it’s out in the air.” Off smirked and continued with the joke. “Oh, when it’s out in the air, it can get hard too.”

Just the thought of Gun standing there, having his little friend ‘out in the air’ getting hard, made Off feel tingly. But the show went on and he collected himself really quick.  
He heard a little chuckle from Arm in the background, but didn’t allow himself to look up.

Then it was Off’s turn to cook and he was really proud of himself. The food looked good, but what Off enjoyed more was looking at Gun. He looked so cute! He seemed really tired or the camera angle did a strange job. But all wanted to do was pinch his cheeks and kiss his beautiful full lips. Also Gun complimented his food and Off was so freaking happy!  
Then it was game time. They should play the classic ‘the winner tells the looser what to do’. After some struggles with the scissors, rock, paper they started and it was big fun.  
They made a little film pause to wait for the dessert to reach his condo. As soon as it came, they quickly continued since the filming already took longer that planed. Off was actually enjoying Gun’s rice.

“Do you like it?” Gun asked with a flirty voice and Off was surprised.

“Do you mean this snack?”

“Yes.” _As if…_ Off knew Gun meant something else and answered truthfully. “I like it.”

Then they had their last sequence. There was some more advertisement and finally they wished a good night.

As the camera was switched off, Off sighed. This was more exhausting than expected. Since it was already late afternoon Off decided to go to bed and chill there until going to sleep. He immediately wrote Gun a message.

_Hey baby! It was so nice today ;) I am rather tired, you too?_

_A loooot! We can call tomorrow right? <3_

_Of course! Anytime you want <3_

_:*_

Off was smiling from ear to ear. He was so in love with Gun, that even these short messages made him happy.

The following days they called a few times, but surprisingly both Off and Gun were quite busy. GMMTV was adapting to the new situation and planning more things online. They were informed in a brief online meeting, that the popular couples will have a live fan meeting. They roughly knew what it will be about, but could decide a lot themselves.

One evening Gun called Off as usual.

“Hey Papii!”

“Hey baby!”

“Today I watched 3 Will be Free! I wanted for so long, but never found the time. I loved it!! It’s so great, you were stoked by it too right?”

“Yeah I loved it.”

“I also wanted to watch it now finally to see Joss and Tay.” Gun smiled sheepishly. “They are hot together; I see why they fell for each other!”

“Hmm, agreed, but don’t call Tay hot and that in front of me!” Off said it more jokingly than earnest.

“Jealous?” Gun had a provoking voice.

“Maybe.”

“Don’t you think Tay is hot? Or Joss? Or any other guy?”

Off furrowed his brows. Did he find them hot? Not really, well they obviously were handsome, but he was not aroused by any of them. But since he developed feelings for Gun, also no girl made him feel anything.

“No don’t think so.”

“But you find me hot?”

Off smiled. “Yes a lot.”

“I like that, say it again.” 

Now Off was confused, what was happening? He did as Gun said and somehow enjoyed saying it. “I think you’re hot.”

“You are hot too Papii, you make me feel really horny already…”

Okay. Now Off was sure what Gun was up too. And suddenly Off became nervous. It seemed Gun noticed it. “Papii just stay natural, don’t think too much. I can guide us, only if you still want to do it of course.”

“Okay…” Because Off actually wanted it. Even if he was not that needy, after all these weeks he would love to release some pressure.

“So as I said I am so hot for you already, I nearly couldn’t finish the series, when I thought about you and what we might do afterwards.” Gun’s voice was really erotic and Off wondered again about this side of him. Gun was such a sexual person…

“I’m also excited.” Off said truthfully feeling his penis already lying heavy in his pants.

“I like that, Papii is so good! Now how about you take off your shirt?”

Off looked down at himself. He indeed wore a shirt and boxers. He obeyed Gun and struggled a little with the phone in his hands. 

“Where should I put it?”

“Could you place it somewhere with a good view…maybe on the nightstand as I did.” Only now Off noticed that Gun was lying on his belly, having both hands free resting his head on them. Off tried to fix his phone and used some books as support. He was fully visible.

“Great…I like what I see. You want that I take off my shirt too?”

“Yes please.”

Gun sat up only to reveal that he was wearing tight grey panties again. He took off his shirt lasciviously and lay on his belly again. Now that the shirt wasn’t covering his body anymore, Off could see the fine bend of Gun’s back and his pretty booty. 

Off swallowed, he wanted to touch it, caress it sweetly and grip it. Gun loved that.

“I know you want to touch it, I would love to feel your strong hands there.” 

Shit, now Off was really aroused, he looked down and saw his boxer shorts tented.

“Hhhhnn I see you like it. Take them off.” Off did. It was weird, being naked in front of his phone but Gun eliminated his doubts as soon as also he sat up again. He saw the outlines of his cock also already through the panties.

“I love your body.” It escaped Off’s mouth and he felt hot, since he normally didn’t say such things out loud.

“Thanks, I love yours too.” Gun came a little closer to the camera, then he slowly pulled down his shorts and stepped out of them.

“Now what would you love to do with me if you were here with me?”

Off couldn’t think much and struggled speaking. “Kiss you…”

“Then imagine it. Think about how much you love to suck my full lips and how our tongues dance.”

Gun licked his lips and gazed intensely into Off’s eyes. Automatically Off also wetted his lips. “Okay, yeah I love kissing you and nibbling at your bottom lip.”

Off was fully hard now, Gun was too, as far as Off could see.

“Touch yourself.” Gun then said and Off did. As his hand touched his heated penis, he sighed and closed his eyes for a moment. He opened them as he heard Gun talking on. “Imagine it was my hand stroking you…” Off closed his eyes again and his mind wandered. He remembered the feeling of Gun touching him and loved his small hand around him. What he loved even more was getting blown or even being inside Gun.

“I want to fuck you so badly…” Off moaned and he heard a little gasp from Gun. He slowed down his movement and looked at the screen again. “I love when you talk dirty Papii. I also would love to be fucked by you.” Gun in the meantime also was jerking off and had some lube beside him.

“I will finger myself now and imagining it was you making me feel so good.”

Off observed Gun intensely. He saw Gun already a few times preparing himself, he prepared Gun too already. But that moment, seeing him melting into the mattress by only touching a little spot inside him, turned Off on so much. After some more frantic strokes, he came.

“Aahh Gun!”

Gun looked up and smiled then he returned to his doing.

Off was curious about how it would feel. It wasn’t the first time he was.

He heard heavy moans coming from Gun as Off reached for his drawer to get his lube too. First of all he poured some on his penis and he stroked some more times. It still felt good…maybe he could go for a second time. Then he wandered with one hand to his ass, touching an area he never felt before- But quickly he pulled his hand away again. Okay, that felt weird! Maybe this wasn’t the time to try that…

“I’m still here, you know.” Gun chuckled but was also still moaning every time he hit his sweet spot. Off was a little shy now. What did he think…

“We can try that another time Papii, now I want you to tell me, how hard you fuck me please, I want to come so badly.”

Off reached for a tissue, cleaned himself quickly and took his phone in hand again.

“You feel so good Gun, you are so tight around me.” Off was clueless if what he said, was the right things. Did this turn Gun on?

“Yesss Papii, I love when you take me hard. Ahhh..”

“Come for me…” 

And Gun did. “Papii…”

Gun was breathing hard, but he recovered soon and wiped his traces away. Then he took his phone too and smiled at Off.

“This was so good…” His face was still flushed and some sweat was glittering on his forehead.

“It was.” Off also smiled and couldn’t believe he had phone sex! He wouldn’t agree doing this with everyone, but everything felt so good with Gun.

“We can do it again if you want, who knows when we can meet again.” Gun smiled and now he was the cute, innocent little baby everybody knew again.

“Yeah we will see. I hope we can meet soon!”

They made themselves ready for bed still video calling. Finally they lay under their blankets and as the conversation went silent and only bubbling came out of Gun’s mouth, Off pressed the red button. Gun was asleep and he himself was tired too. Off again fell asleep with a smile on his face.

Some days later Off was on his way to Arm’s apartment. He roamed the corridor feeling a little outpowered. Slowly he was sick of this situation. He wanted to go out again and have fun and most importantly, he wanted to see Gun. He wanted to feel Gun! His hugs and kisses…

He reached Arm’s door and knocked. The door was opened and Tay was standing there. Wait Tay?!

“Off! We were about to call you over, come in.”

Tay hugged him. Wait, where they supposed to hug? Health advises and so on? Off returned it anyway and followed Tay to the kitchen were Arm was making a cake.

“Hey man!”

“Okay, what is going on? How can you be here?”

“They untightened the restrictions for going out if you have a valid reason, and I have to come here to meet Arm for work. We need to talk about things for the live fan meet.”

Off’s eyes widened. “So could I meet Gun?? Am I allowed?”

“Hmm…you should write to Godji and ask her to write you a form, in case the police stops you.”

Off turned around and left his friends dumfounded. Especially Tay seemed clueless, why Off was so eager.

“Tay did Off even informed you how things developed?” 

“Noooo, what happened?” And Arm told what he knew.

Meanwhile Off found his phone and did as Tay said. He hoped for a fast reply…he might see Gun soon! He knew it was only a matter of a few weeks anyway, because they would need to practice for their show. They already talked per video chat about some rough concept and chose some songs.

Since he needed to wait now anyways, he went back to Arm. On the way he considered writing Gun, but chose not to, because in case he couldn’t go, it would make the little one sad.

“I’m back, sorry but my excitement took over.”

“I see, well Arm told me what happened, why didn’t you tell me!? Maaaan, I am your number one shipper and you didn’t even tell me you are together now.” Tay tried to look pissed but failed.

“Sorry…somehow in this time I had no muse to call anyone. I was busy with Gun and came here to Arm’s every now and then. Arm told you now?”

Tay nodded and smiled. “Congrats man!”

“What I wanted to ask you, how are you and Joss doing? With the separation and all…”

Tay’s face darkened and he looked down. Suddenly a tear found a way down on the floor.

“Tay? Heyy…” Both Off and Arm came closer and made him look up. Then Tay answered with a throaty voice. “We didn’t talk that much these weeks…I don’t know. The situation is indeed hard but I hoped we at least tried to keep things going. I want this to work…I love him.” Then Tay sobbed and fell into Off’s arms. Off held him firmly. Why had it to be like this? Now that he was happy, suddenly Tay was hurting. Such a shit.

“Did you tell Joss that you miss him? That you want to have more contact also only per video?” Tay shook his head and Arm continued. “Maybe he is as sad as you and this is all just a misunderstanding. Call him later, please.” Off let Tay go and the smaller one nodded.

“Sorry, I overreacted. Sorry…”

“Don’t be sorry. Remember how often I cried because of Gun, we are here for you!”

The three made themselves a nice afternoon and ate Arm’s delicious cake.

Later in the evening Off finally received and answer of Godji.

_Of course! I sent you a concession for work reasons to your email. It’s not even a lie, you two urgently need to prepare your show!! Good luck ;)_

Off quickly opened the attachment and couldn’t believe it. After nearly 3 months, he would finally see Gun again!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writing this virtual sex scene was harder than a real sex scene, at some point I even felt myself embarressed LOL


	24. I'm still here with you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry that the update took so long! First I was busy with work, then "The Shipper" ended and my life too with it and then at the weekend it was family time. So I'm glad I did it now and I hope you guys enjoy it, nearly over now <3

It was a beautiful day in May and Off was in his car driving to Gun’s home. His mood was incredibly good and he listened to some nice songs. He noticed there were not few people around, he honestly didn’t expect that, but of course some people still had to go to work. Also it seemed more restrictions would be loosened soon.

He informed Gun of course and they fixed day and time. Gun was so happy at the phone and Off was sure the little guy was freaking out while waiting for Off’s arrival. He was too! So as he turned into the road Gun was living in, his heart started racing.

He parked his car and then saw Gun already standing in front of the door. Off stepped out of the car and hurriedly took his bag. Then he slammed the door and started running. It was only a short way from the parking space to the door, but it felt like a huge distance. Then Off was there. Gun three little steps above him, because the house was a little elevated. 

Gun smiled widely and after a second of unsureness he jumped in Off’s arms. He indeed jumped. Off luckily was ready and looped his arms around Gun’s legs and held him tightly. Gun hugged him and put his hands in his neck.

“Gun.” Off whispered, inhaling the scent of his love.

“Papii…” Gun seemed to want to sneak even more into Off, but for the older one it started getting heavy. “Can I put you down?” Gun obeyed and stepped to the ground again. But immediately he hugged Off again, who looked around to see if someone was around. “Let’s go inside okay?”

Gun took his hand and pulled him inside. He didn’t stop as the door closed but lead them to the sofa. Then he pushed a surprised Off on the couch and climbed on his lap. Off knew what would come now and he awaited eagerly Gun to kiss him. But he didn’t. To Off’s surprise Gun leaned in and rested his head on Off’s shoulder, snuggling into his neck.

“I missed you so much Papii…you can’t imagine how much.” Off was touched by Gun’s behavior and affectionately started stroking his back. “I know. Because I missed you as much…” Gun didn’t seem to change his position, but Off really wanted to kiss him. So he gently took his head in his hands and pulled him up. Gun looked surprised and wanted to say something, but Off stopped him with a short kiss. Gun still looked surprised and so Off leaned in again. This time they kissed deeper. Off really was starving for that kiss and it seemed also Gun was into it now. He scooted closer and opened his mouth for Off. It felt like their first real kiss somehow. It also was in some way.

Their very first kiss was four years ago when filming. Their first non-scripted kiss was around one year ago. And this was their first kiss as a couple.

Off started feeling excited and really wanted to deepen their doing, but suddenly Gun stopped the kiss and placed his hands on Off’s, who started to run over Gun’s naked back under the shirt.

“Wait. Shouldn’t we talk first?”

Off’s mind wasn’t so clear right now, but what was there he and Gun had to talk about?

“About what?”

“Us! I mean-” Gun suddenly seemed unsure. “We are…shouldn’t we talk first?”

“It’s okay baby, but we already talked on the phone a lot. Is there still something you are unsure of?”

Off gently caressed Gun’s cheek and the little one really seemed somehow thoughtful.

“I have no idea how this will work. I’m afraid to do something wrong…it was easy when we were apart, but now I don’t know how much touching or closeness is right. I don’t know how to behave being someone’s boyfriend…” Gun seemed sad and maybe a little desperate.

“Don’t worry too much. Just act natural. You said you love me, so just do as you feel. I do it that way too.” Off leaned in and gently brought their lips together again. Then he continued: “It’s no difference to what we did before. We just love each other even more and can spend more time together. But only as much as you want. Tell me when something gets too much and also I will tell if I don’t feel good with something.”

Off was sure he chose the right words. He strongly tried to avoid all kinds of trigger words, who could make Gun panic. And he was right, because Gun started smiling and nodded happily.

“I love you a lot Papii!” And he fell into Off’s chest. Off felt the happiest he could be. Gun said it again!

“I love you too, so much…” And he hugged back, finally having Gun in his arms.

After a while Gun sat up and looked in his eyes. “So I should act as I feel right?” Off nodded and smiled, then Gun continued with a smug grin. “Okay so I want you to go in the bedroom and wait for me there.” Off was surprised but as Gun left his lap, he stood up and went in the room as Gun said. 

As he entered, he was nervous. The room looked as usual, chaotic but still cozy to sleep in. Off sat on the bed. What was Gun planning? Off hoped, it had to do with sex because he was really out for that. The make out session before made him feel really hot. Before his mind could wander far, Gun entered as well. Off eyed him but he looked the same as before.

“What was this about?” Off asked friendly but a little curious.

“I have something for you…but only if you want to!” And Gun showed to Off what he had in his hand.

_Fuck_ Off swallowed and felt so shy but also so aroused suddenly. Gun was holding a dildo. It was a small one and so Off was really sure it wasn’t for Gun. But for him. Shit, he really wanted to try that, but seeing that now he didn’t feel so well.

“Papii, we don’t have to do it. You just seemed interested and I wanted to make you happy today.”

“Thanks for your concern and you are right, I somehow was curious. Also Tay told me he liked it a lot and so I thought it must have something, also seeing your reaction when we do it…” Off was blubbering and so Gun put away the toy and came closer to stop him.

“Hey it’s fine. Just tell me if you want to do it and we can try a little bit. If you’re not into it then we don’t. I like things as they are.” He sat himself on Off’s lap and kissed him gently. Off kissed back, feeling safety in that kiss. He actually panicked a little as he thought about it, but now feeling Gun so close he got some courage back.

“I want to try it someday…not tonight okay?” Gun nodded and smiled. “Okay.” Then Gun kissed him again and this time it was clear that he was out for more. He slid his tongue into Off’s mouth and fought with Off’s. Off was more into Gun’s lips and as soon as he got back the control he bit Gun’s lower lip and sucked.

Meanwhile Gun came closer to Off and their dicks touched. Gun started rubbing against Off and it felt so good already through their trousers.

“I missed this so much…” Off panted and Gun just nodded, then he attacked Off’s neck. He kissed his artery and felt his pulse racing. Then he started sucking and meanwhile roaming Off’s body. Off was again totally overwhelmed and not really able to do anything when Gun was treating him like this. At some point Off just lay back on the bed and Gun followed him.

They both started undressing each other, kissing and touching, until they lay naked next to each other looking into their eyes. Both were so aroused and just wanted to finish this, but Gun looked at Off a little longer. Off reached out and grabbed around Gun to pull him as close as possible. Their legs intertwined and they started moving.

“Wait, this is not enough.” Gun moaned and released Off’s arms around him. Then he turned around so that Off could see his back. As Off didn’t do anything, Gun turned his head a little. “Come on, fuck me.”

Off scooted closer and hugged Gun from behind. He placed one of his legs between Gun’s and positioned himself at Gun’s entrance.

Off was worried. “Wait. It will hurt without preparation and lube.” 

“No it’s okay, just do it.” 

Off didn’t want to object Gun and carefully tried to enter. Gun was very relaxed but still it couldn’t be comfortable for Gun.

“Wait a second baby, I’ll just get the lube.” Gun took hold of Off’s hand and didn’t want to let go. “No stay with me…” He sounded a little desperate and it seemed he was about to cry. “I’ll be back in 2 seconds, it’s just on the table.” Finally Off could let him go. Why was Gun so emotional suddenly? Off grabbed the bottle and return to the exact same position, because Gun also didn’t move one millimeter. He came closer and hugged Gun first noticing how emotional he got.

“I’m back, don’t worry. It will be better this way…”

Off moistened his dick and Gun’s hole. Again he positioned himself and this time things went really smoothly.

“Ahhh!” Gun moaned. It sounded a little painful but also pleased. Off tried to hold himself back and not thrust already inside Gun. “Is it okay?” Gun nodded and placed his hands on Off’s on his chest.

Then Off started moving slowly. Both he and Gun moaned as he hit the right spot. Off loved this position. He could embrace Gun and hold him tight and feel all of him. Off placed little kisses on Gun’s neck and sucked too.

“This is…so good!” Gun was barely able to speak. He moved now too a little meeting Off’s thrusts. Off felt he couldn’t take it for much longer. “I will come soon baby.” He noticed he had no condom on, he needed to pull out before coming, Gun wouldn’t like it.

“Don’t- I want you to come inside m-” It was as if Gun knew what he was thinking, but Gun’s words made Off swallow. This sounded so dirty, but Off loved it. So he sped up a little and hoped Gun would too come soon. 

Off played with Gun’s nipples and knew how sensitive he was there. Off was also biting Gun’s shoulder and the little one was totally oversensible with all this stimulation. As soon as Off reached down to stroke Gun’s cock, it was over and Gun came and spilled on the mattress. Off was glad and he finally could finish too. He fucked Gun a few more times and then came deep inside.

“Hhnn...” Gun groaned and Off hoped he didn’t feel grossed out.

“Gun…baby?” Off was still breathing hard. 

“Hmmm Papii?”

“Are you okay? Wait let me-” and cautiously Off pulled out. Gun turned around after collecting himself and smiled at Off. 

“I am more than okay. I loved it.” Gun kissed him. Off felt relieved and kissed back, feeling so happy.

“I loved it too.” Gun came closer and snuggled to his chest. After a while he stood up though and Off looked at him questioningly. “I need to clean myself, I’ll be back soon. You can already sleep if you want.” Gun gave him a last kiss and left to the bathroom. Off somehow wanted to join him, but maybe this thing was private and so Off lay back, cleaned himself a little too and couldn’t believe what a lucky guy he was!

Gratefully they could meet regularly now. They had to do planning for their live show and start with the rehearsals soon. Off felt really happy with how things were going, and except for the situation in the world, his life was nearly perfect now. He and Gun worked smoothly, chose songs they loved together and were so looking forward to meet their fans again, also if it was different than usual.

But before the show, Off was to be guest in Gun’s youtube show. Gun would come to his apartment later and they would cook together. He was already excited! He guessed that it wouldn’t be a problem for them to act normal, since things actually felt indeed quite normal. They made jokes or blushed at each other already long before anything changed between them and so also this time it should be fine.

And it was. Filming was a lot of fun. Off loved to observe Gun while cooking, it was fascinating.

“I’m frying basil leaves until they are crispy…” Off came closer to see what Gun was saying. “When I call him P’Off, he’ll come to me.”

What?! “P’Off?!” Why was Gun calling him this way? Was he kidding? Off was not mad, but still looked pissed for the cameras mostly. It was fun also later on. They played a game and at some very point Off’s heart started beating a little faster.

“I’m 29 years old. How can I remember things in the past?”

“You should remember it because this is about someone special to you.”

Off wanted to nod or smile or even kiss Gun, but he was not private here, he was Off from OffGun couple and should react to such a statement with shock or irritation. So he smiled weirdly and then screamed. “I’m screaming.” _How dumb._ But Gun laughed and he joined.

In the end Gun chose some shirts and they took some pictures afterwards. Then the filming finished and slowly all crew members left the room. There were only Off, Gun and Arm left.  
“Guys, this is going to be a really nice episode.” With this, Arm sat down on the couch and made himself comfortable. Off stared at him. Was he kidding? He and Gun had a free afternoon now and Off planned some things. But now his best friend was sitting there and not seeming to leave? No way.

“I guess so. Don’t you have something to do in your apartment??” Off tried to be nice but still hoped Arm would understand.

“No actually I’m free.” _This idiot._ Gun came closer and surprisingly sat himself on Off’s lap and leaned his back on his chest. It seemed that suddenly Arm realized what he was doing and stood up.

“I remember I…I wanted to meet Tay! Sorry! See you!” Off was relieved but added: “How is he doing? Are things better again?” Arm nodded. “Yes they talked and should be fine. Tay wanted to talk to you anyway, so he will tell you details.” He smiled, waved and quickly left.

“Papii you are so funny sometimes. I understood you wanted him to leave, but he didn’t get you. So you should have shown him, what we actually wanted to do…” Gun’s voice turned sexy in the end and he turned around on Off’s lap. 

“So what did we want to do?” Off asked with a smile. 

“This.” And Gun kissed him. They made out and finally got rid of their pullover and shirt. Off started kissing Gun’s shoulder and went on to his collarbone. He licked over the heated skin from time to time. The he took both Gun’s hands, which meanwhile found their way to Off’s hips, in his and kissed them. Then he noticed Gun didn’t wear his ring. Off found himself loving seeing Gun with the glittering beauty. It gave him something ethereal. “Where is your ring?”

Gun was a little surprised by the change of topic. Weren’t they making out right now?

“I couldn’t find it today morning and it was not necessary to be so elegant today so... Why?”

“No just for asking. I like it, I hope you find it again.” Off kissed Gun’s hands again. “I will for sure.” Off smiled and before he grabbed Gun under his legs to carry him to the bedroom he decided to make Gun a gift. 

_I will buy him another ring. So in case he misplaces his again he has two._


	25. All the time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guuuuys last chapter!! I am thankful for everyone who accompanied me with this story! <3  
> Please check out the [missing scenes](https://archiveofourown.org/works/25876381) of this story if you liked it so far.

The next days passed and Off and Gun started to get really busy. Especially Gun since the shooting for the second season of ‘The Gifted’ had started. At least they already fixed the program for the livestream and so the little free time Off and Gun found, they could spend together.

The rehearsals for the fan meet would start today and both Off and Gun were so motivated and happy.

“Papii let’s go or we will be late!”

Gun was already waiting at the door to exit Off’s apartment, but the older wasn’t ready yet still looking for his shoes. 

“One second. Okay here we go!”

They went to the car and quickly drove to GMMTV building which wasn’t that far away luckily. Most restriction were released by now, just mandatory mask wearing, security distance and hygiene. But as soon as they entered the rehearsal room it was less strict and seemed like normality.

“Late as usual. But Gun I am not used to you being late…did Off kept you in the bedroom?” Arm asked with a mocking voice.

“Shut up maaan…”

They got introduced to the choreographers and vocal couches. The first day was more of a introduction to the way things will go and it was a lot of fun. A week before them, Singto and Krist had their livestream and so Off and Gun could make themselves a picture how things would go.

One evening a few days before their show, they ordered dinner after the rehearsals with Arm, Godji and Wave.

“I think Krist and Singto did a fabulous job!” All agreed with Godji. 

“Indeed! I loved making their outfits! I mean I love yours too, but their color possibilities were so inspiring!!” Arm beamed and Off loved how passionate his friend was in that area.  
“So are you nervous guys?” Wave asked fondly.

They shook their heads and Gun said: “No it will all go well.” Then he put a hand over Off’s and placed his head on his boyfriend’s shoulder. Off somehow wanted to push him away, but since Arm knew everything and Godji for sure was informed by Gun too, he didn’t. Wave was a good friend and also if he noticed anything, he wouldn’t say.

“So Arm how is it going?” Wave was trying to make some more conversation.

“Good! I’m happy that more or less things returned to normality again.”

“Be honest Arm, you are really happy to see your friends again. I saw you today morning in the creative room being all smiley when dancing.” Godji again knew more than most.  
Off was surprised. “Dancing? Since when do you go to GMMTV building to dance? And with whom?”

Arm turned a little red. “Mostly with Fiat and Toptap, but also other friends join…”

“Toptap!? I seeeee...” Off winked to Arm.

Gun looked at them curiously and added looking at Off: “So I hope he stopped having a crush on you?”

Off rolled his eyes. “He never had a crush on me. At least I didn’t notice that, don’t worry baby.” Off noticed immediately how he called Gun but just ignored it.

“By the way, wasn’t it you who wanted to…do things with him!?” Off sounded earnest but Gun heard that he wasn’t angry and giggled. 

“Wait I want to know about that crush and whaaaat things??” Arm said a little reproachful.

“It’s nothing really, forget about it.”

After a while Godji added: “I don’t really know what you guys are implying, but as far as I saw, Toptap is really really close to First. I started shipping them a little….”

“First?!” Arm was again staggered.

“First is a close friend of Tay, we could ask him as soon as we see him again.” Gun concluded this topic. After finishing eating, they all headed home, Gun of course driving with Off.

“Can I sleep over tonight?”

“No question baby.” Gun put his hand on Off’s thigh and kept it there the whole car ride.

They arrived and got ready for sleeping. Lying in the bed, snuggled together, Off’s thoughts wandered. He was at a point in his life where he couldn’t be happier. He had the love of his life in his arms, had a great job and a lot of friends. He-

His thoughts were interrupted by Gun. “I’m still wondering why I was or rather still am so jealous of Toptap liking you.”

“Guuuun, he doesn’t like me. Why are you so sure about that?”

“I don’t know, I just feel it.”

“Stop worrying about that…I love you, only you.”

Gun hid his face in Off’s chest and started whispering. “I feel so good with you. It’s so good that I couldn’t take it if you leave me. I never thought it would be like this, not after everything…”

Off swallowed. Was Gun telling him now what happened?

“So what happened?” Off tried to sound assuring and gently started stroking Gun’s back.

“I had a boyfriend many years ago and he was really possessive. I thought it was normal, I thought he really loved me deeply and his behavior resulted out of that. But he started not allowing me to go partying with my friends and later he was also so jealous and suspected I was cheating on him. I wasn’t of course! It was just not nice after a while. He was also a little forcefully in general. If I compare it to you now for example. He liked rough sex and sometimes juts took what he wanted. He never gently touched me or gave me caress. I always needed to take them myself and hug him if I wanted to feel him. Always my initiative. That’s why I’m so clingy maybe. After a while I broke up. I was starting with playing in bigger movie and series productions and somehow thought he was not important anymore. Luckily he let me go and didn’t run after me.  
After that relationship, I changed. I still was clingy and loved being with people but as soon as someone became too close or possessive I backed off. That was also the reason my next relationship failed. There was this guy. It was right before we met or around the time we started with Puppy Honey, something like that. He confessed to me and the thing was…I liked him too! And that’s what I hated. I wanted him but just couldn’t cope being with him. All the things he did were too much for me, although normal things! He never behaved badly to me. At some point I wanted to break up, but he didn’t understand, he was hurt and somehow we had a big fight. So I stopped all contact. I was just too weak to overcome my fears for him. Then my mum died and it confirmed that it’s better not to love anyone, because one day everyone leaves…But this time I didn’t wanted things to end like before! You mean too much for me Papii! I could never let you go and so even though sometimes my head still wants to stay away from you and your closeness, my heart is way stronger.”

Then Gun was silent. Off was silent too, he just heard the breathing of his small friend. Off couldn’t find any words, a lump was in his throat. He was moved in many ways. First he had pity with Gun about what happened to him, but he also felt so happy about what Gun said in the end. Off felt a tear run down his cheek and landing on Gun since their faces were so close.

“Papii don’t cry because of me! See not even I am crying, so don’t you please…” Off nodded and placed a kiss on Gun’s head. 

“Thanks for telling me. I will try my best that you forget about that all and be happy.”

“I already am so happy…thanks to you.”

Gun broke away from their hug a little and slid up so that he could reach Off’s face. He leaned in and kissed his boyfriend trying to convey all what he felt. Off kissed back and felt their hearts started beating faster.

“Wait…I would love to go on with what we are doing but I need to give you something.” Off stood up from the bed and went to the drawer to look for something. He didn’t plan to gift Gun the ring today, but the mood was just perfect for it.

“I wanted to give you something…” Suddenly Off felt shy. Was it a good idea to give Gun a ring? I mean it looked as if he was proposing to him, but he wasn’t! Off kept his hands behind his back and fumbled with the box.

“A gift?! Give it to me pleaseeeeeee.” Gun was excited, he loved gifts so much.

“Yes, but don’t interpret too much. It came to my mind and then last time I saw it in the showcase and it was perfect…”

Off sat down on the bed next to Gun and showed the box. Then he opened it and quickly took the ring out. Without really looking at Gun’s expression he took hold of the little hand in front of him and slowly guided the sparkling beauty to Gun’s little finger.

“Oh my God, Papii! I love it!!!” Gun jumped on the bed. “It’s sooo pretty!”

Off smiled at his baby being so happy.

“That’s great! I thought that you might need two rings, because you misplaced yours for one day that time. And I love your hands with it, so if you want to wear it, I would be happy.”

“I will wear it all the time! Thank you!” Gun jumped in his arms and after some hugging he pulled Off backwards on the bed, so that he was lying on Gun. The little one pressed his lips on Off's neck and bucked his hips up. “And now let’s continue…”

The day of the fan meet came fast and the last preparations were made. Gun was sitting at the big table, already make upped and styled, eating and looking in his phone. What else should he be doing anyway. Off smiled at this sight.

Off himself was standing in front of the big mirror wall and again going through the choreography of one song. Dancing was just not his cup of tea and so he was quite nervous about it. After a while Gun came to him and hugged him from behind.

“You will do fine, we rehearsed so much.” Gun said while pressing his face into Off’s back. Off placed his hands on Gun’s on his belly and smiled fondly at their reflection. Off didn’t care about hiding anymore. He and Gun did what they wanted, touching and hugging despite who was there. They didn’t kiss of course, since they never talked about an outing in the near future.

“I hope so!” Off turned around and pulled Gun in his arms. “Thank you for everything!” Off just needed to say that now. 

“I have to thank you too Papii…”

They stayed in the embrace for a little longer until they were called to get ready.

Wave and Godji stood there and smiling. “Now go up and in a few minutes it will start. Good luck!”

Hand in hand they went on stage. It was dark there, only a few green lights were on. Off was still holding Gun’s hand, but knew soon he needed to let go. After the introduction holograms vanished, they would need to start moving. After so many rehearsal Off knew by heart now that they had 12 seconds left.

_twelve_

“Are you ready?” he whispered to Gun.

_ten_

Gun smiled and pressed his hand. “I am. You too?”

_seven_

Off leaned down and quickly placed a little kiss on Gun’s cheek.

_six_

Then they broke apart and went to stand on their spots. 

_four_

Off grinned. He was fucking nervous but also happy.

_three_

Happy about this show today but also about how his life turned out. He was so grateful for being able to stand here. All because of this little, beautiful, silly and adorable guy.

_two_

Off grinned again and looked to his left to see Gun.

_one_

Gun was looking back to him. Smiling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please check out the [missing scenes](https://archiveofourown.org/works/25876381) of this story if you liked it so far! ❤️

**Author's Note:**

> Title and chapter names are taken from "Fake Protagonist" by Getsunova.
> 
> "You can do whatever you want, as long as you don't wreck my ship." - Papii


End file.
